Have you ever flirted with your best friend's bf/gf? Hey, silly person in Pakistan with your external login attempts, I CAN SEE YOU. Yes, YOU.
Do you think that you're all that and your probably really not? My internal Xanga tracker shows me external login attempts. I've seen several of these from different countries (and a United State) on this silly survey site, my Lexx blog, and my private blog. I'd like to feel flattered, but I fear I'm a random target among many, for the most part. I'm still trying to wrap my head around Michio Kaku's twitter getting hacked last summer, which I witnessed happening live. I hope to never have a nemesis so enamored of me.
Have you gotten beat up before. Tell the truth. This guy made the most beautifully awesome youtube in HD using one of my all-time fave songs that I never tell *anyone*, it was so perfect for the particular fandom I was perusing, but I could not get that youtube to play correctly on my browser for anything, and he had it on a private link and no embedding. There was no way to message him, so I left a comment asking if I could *please* embed just once ~privately~ so I could put a pause button on it, because there was no way I could buffer it in and actually see it, and he pretty much just laughed like I was some dumb sap with a plug in typewriter and said that's too bad... Um. Dude. I totally ripped off your youtube. Why hand out a private link to your twitter followers if you're going to be like that, right? All you had to do was let me see it. Now I ***OWN*** it on my hard drive, and I can watch that HD with my fave song and a show I love on full screen at. my. leisure. any. time. I. want. You can play with tech and think you're too cool for noobs that hang on what you do, and I'll be polite about it, but you kick dirt at this nerd, I'll go own your tech. Oh, and I was able to pin it onto pinterest, too, so suck it. My baditude trumps yours.
Are you smart or are you dumb?I was prolly pretty dumb for just admitting all that.
If you're a girl, do you scratch your boobs when nobody's looking? I don't care if someone's looking, I live in tick and brown recluse country. And if I get a bee sting you'll see me stripping without warning, and if you don't help me get the stinger out because you're too busy being inexperiencedly stupid enough to think it's time to make a point of ogling (this survey creator seems pretty green), I'll rip your arms off.
Have you ever wanted to have sex with your own gender? Do I seem like I'm in a bad mood? My answers look like they're bordering on comic sans violence tonight. My allergies finally just took me all the way down, I'm exhausted and ready to take sandpaper to my itchy eyeballs, and I'm sitting by the door waiting for trick-or-treaters. So far we got a pretty ladybug fairy and a grim reaper. Let's see, sex with my own gender. Nope. I generally don't want sex with anyone. My psychologist is lately taking an amused interest in the fact that I, an aspie asexual, am obsessed with a scifi show mildly spoofing the porn industry driving home the point that no one ever seems to get any sex...
Are you liking this survey so far? Well, it's certainly bringing out my blabby crabby side, so sure, I'd call this survey a success.
Do you have alot of friends or are you nobody at school? I was the same kind of nobody I am now, discreet enough not to be suspect, and exhibitionist enough to constantly be planning evil schemes.
Are you annoying to most people? Everyone who knows me is going YES!!!!
Can you take the truth, no matter what it is? The truth slaps me right in the face so often that I don't think it phases me much any more.
Would you go suicidal if someone in your family died? The laws of robotics won't allow it. I suck at self harming unless I know for a fact I positively *won't* bleed, cry, regret, or die. I'm even afraid to pick sores. I'm not above self inflicting weird kinds of pain, though.
Is there somebody in your life you hate at this point? I don't have the energy to hate anyone. I tried, it's just too draining. It's easier not to think about whoever, like they don't exist. I'm kinda Spongebob-y like that, in my own bubble.
Are you dreading something right now? I'm wondering if I turn off the front light at 8:00 and close the blinds and go off in another room we'll suddenly get a mob of trick-or-treaters with toilet paper and eggs. Actually, that only used to happen to a guy up the street who was a teacher in the high school, but we never got papered or egged because we were the cool house. But still, you never know. Halloween is kind of like playing out a ritualistic protection racket.
While taking this, did you start thinking about your true self?Wow, really? I don't hide my true self, my true self is always what you get. I think it's sad that so much of the world assumes we all hide our true selves, as if there is another self inside we have to protect all the time. The world is so full of haters, see what this survey is doing to me, it's making me sad thinking about haters. Go away, survey! I want to be done with you!!!!
Would you date somebody on Valentine's Day just to get something for Valentine's? I know people who do that, and I'm totally disgusted that people purposely blind themselves with hope and allow other people to use them like that in the name of love. It's so much simpler being asexual. You wouldn't believe the crap I see right through. I can predict any couple's demise with uncanny accuracy, based on one's selfishness and the other's gullibility. When you have to buy into a holiday for love, it's not love, capiche? Scheduling romantic gooey stuff on a calendar is ridiculous, especially when money is expected to be involved. Survey maker, I'm on your side on this one. You are right to be suspicious.
Have you ever broke somebody's heart and didn't care? You have broke my heart with that incorrect verb tense and all the typos you made earlier.
Did you go to Pre-K? K was bad enough, so thank goodness I didn't. And thank goodness this survey is over! The light is off now, Halloween is over, I'm going to get my pajamas on and load up on benadryl.
I started this on May 1st and promptly forgot about it after question 28.
I haven't had to fall back on a survey in years, but I'm having one of those nights where I have absolutely no one to talk to and my fave game server is down. I'll elaborate- I could talk to someone, but they'd hate me long before I got done venting. And for waking them up and dragging them out of bed.
Anyway, this one comes from A ‘Throwback Thursday’ Survey Like From The MySpace Days and immediately looked so stupidly lame at the top of the search engine list that I had to grab it to vent all my wrath, rage, and ruin upon. Before I begin, I just wanna say the answers I'm erasing from the person before me are even more lame than the questions (and which you can still see on the original post I linked up there), and since you can look up who it is, you too can lean back, roll your eyes, and utter a disgusted "Lame!" Also, wtf is up with stopping at 167??? Who the hell makes them thisss longggggggg??????? And then suddenly stops at a weird place?
Inserting psyche preparation...
1. Last beverage:
In a house of 4 people and me being the only one who washes the dishes, the last used beverage left for dead that I freakishly spilled all over the counter trying open a child proof sippy cup was a form of chocolate milk. Could've been some kind of nutrition shake, not sure if it was the adult kind or the kid kind, but the main thing was that it was chocolate, that it wasn't finished, and that it was left as is to go rank. I'm cleaning a ~straw~ here, people.
2. Last phone call:
In or out? To or from? On my phone or someone else's? How am I supposed to answer something so vague? Besides, we have the govt to keep track of these things. It's out of my hands. Ok, I'll bite. It's normally a collection agency. Despite years of compliancy, I was finally forced into student loan default after 3 different total disability debt relief rejections (one time was over a comma my doctor didn't do correctly, apparently), and my lawyer just said don't pick up the phone. I have openly addressed this in Dear Gregory, which apparently hit a nail for a number of people, netting 4x my usual amount of readers. Yes, two years later I am still ignoring daily calls.
3. Last song you listened to: *looking for facepalm post* Lemma 'splain. My fave headphones died last month, my new headphones for my phone crapped out several days ago, my Beats refuses to work in my phone, and my others are computer-only. I lost my earbuds. Add some super life swamp that kept me from listening to ANYTHING else since this next happened and ta-da, irony comes back to bite since I thought I was being funny posting this one on my last Pinky post. Whee, guess what we get to see again. 🙄
4. Last time you cried:
TODAY. I cry every day. Everyone on the whole planet should be crying every single day because this is a really hard place to ace a pop quiz on the meaning of life. If you aren't suffering or repentant or lonely or sad, you will be.
5. Have you dated someone twice:
😑 I actually wondered today where my life might have gone if I never had. Any of them. I really am in that kind of funk.
6. Have you ever been cheated on:
Pets do this behind our backs all. the. time. The whole loyalty thing is a sham. 7. Kissed someone & regretted it:
Raging case of strep from a 3 year old doesn't scare me.
8. Have you lost someone special:
Can I just throw in how briefly this was both asked and answered before me? We are on the planet of death and howling despair, o.m.g. YES. And since I dragged it out over several months on a blog, you can go look that up.
9. What are your three favorite colors:
Royal blue, sky blue, and a cross between azure and cyan. Since hex charts don't accurately represent these colors in NATURE (our screens doing the glowy bit in more or less intensity actually changes how they look, yes, I am THAT picky with color), then I invite you to go find these colors in real life.
Royal blue embroidery thread.
Sky blue. I've spent hours of my life staring at the sky out of building and vehicle windows and from outdoor seating while I think many thoughts. Did you know that blue wasn't even recognized as a color in worldwide human vocabulary until somewhat recently? Humans Didn't Even See The Colour Blue Until Modern Times, Research Suggests
My state song growing up includes the line "Under a sky of azure, where balmy breezes blow, kissed by the golden sunshine, is Nuevo Mejico." Azure is a littler harder to pin down, but it's a super cool word and lends an exotic feel to a visual.
Here is cyan. Some of you are wondering by now what in the world matters about such minute differences. I don't know. All I know is that since I was a child, the color blue has felt extremely important for some reason, and that 'navy' in the fashion industry (especially with polka dots) and 'ford blue' on vehicles (especially associated with farming and rednecks) are very big mistakes in this particular parallel dimension.
10. Met someone who changed you in the past month:
The answer I just erased actually stopped me in my facepalm tracks. I used to think the answers were stupid from teenagers, but a middle ager going back for nostalgia is even stupider. Sorry, back to me. A very real person who has changed me lately is someone I've never met in person but who demonstrated uber amounts of patience and perseverance getting a creative effort off the ground, and how I felt experiencing that work is exactly what I'd like to reproduce in my own readers.
11. Kissed anyone on your friends list:
And there we have the answer to all the other questions that left us wondering who the cheater was behind all the vague answers. I'm about ready for Barry to screw up Flashpoint now. Sorry, I'm not usually this distracted by previous answerers. My friends list includes just about anyone who even vaguely knows me from a distance, so I think a better question is kissed anyone who has threatened physical harm or lawsuit. And the answer is "Yes". People who know how much of a total germ phobe I am are usually very surprised to hear this.
click to find out
12. How many kids do you want: *goes back in time and changes history* *immediately angsts about not having kids in one's life, goes back and changes history again* *runs into this question and...* I remember when my sister used to daydream about having 12 kids. 13. Do you want any pets:
I had a pet named Wolfie on the game server. He followed me and other players around demanding attention and handouts.
14. Do you want to change your name:
Pinky said I had to stop changing my name. We're (I'm) still working on the depersonalization and dissonance issues with my psychologist. exactly 15. What did you do for your last birthday:
Experimented with chocolate waffles and came away with probably never again, even though they weren't that bad.
16. What time did you wake up today:
I can't believe people really answer stuff like this. I woke up before everyone else even though I got to bed after everyone else, because that's what good meemaws DO.
17. Name something you CANNOT wait for:
Tomorrow morning's coffee. 4 more hours. Wonder if I can finish this before then.
18. Last time you saw your mother:
I've extensively blogged about how agonizing it was losing my mom so slowly. If someone can tell me in comments the last time I saw her, I'll totally give you a real prize of some kind, like maybe actual mismated #PinkySox I've worn, along with my official fansite card.
19. Most visited webpage: Pinky blog. Wait, you mean what I visit most? I've lived in youtube since 2006.
20. Nicknames:
Ok, so the guy before me was Nicholas Cage... j/k
21. Relationship status:
If we glance across all the medias, I have pretty stable relationships with most of my connections, although cousins and people who get too close seem to get loaded onto giant rubberbands and shot into space sooner or later, so we'll just call it complicated.
23. Male or female:
I'm so glad I'm not married to the previous survey taker. I'd hafta slap him for being too cliche'd in the I think I'm cute department. What was the question again? Oh, yeah, I love androgeny and asexuality. I was really into Taelons in the series Earth: Final Conflict. Believe it or not, some of us have been gender-conscious for decades before the current generation showed up.
24. Height:
Oh, here we go, I'm getting some chocolate chips. Srsly, I can't even think about going back to sleep yet. I'd love to talk it out but hauling people out of bed at midnight to talk about old PTSD triggers is frowned upon as dysfunctional.
25. Do you have a crush on someone:
Yes. I blame these guys.
26. Piercings:
These are the next suggestions after that last vid. I wanna know why Benny shows up in so many weird places.
And, honest opinion, *not* the BEST VIDEO EVER. Just saying.
27. Tattoos:
I'm actually starting to get sleepy. This was a good idea.
28. Strong or Weak:
Tea or coffee? Or something else?
(and she went away and didn't come back for days)
Now it's June 26th.
FIRSTS
29. First surgery:
Since my parents failed to do anything about me dramatically flailing in wallowing pain, I had to wait till my wisdom teeth grew in.
30. First best friend:
A little girl from India who could barely speak English. We shared a swing and joyously counted to 20 between trading off. I loved hearing her count.
31. First sport you joined:
Voluntarily, right? Is Red Rover a sport? Because I turned it into a sport, kinda on the level of roller derby but with more flipping.
32. First vacation:
I never took a real vacation in my life until I met @bonenado. I was hiding how ill I felt (spoonie on antibiotic) and the resultant crabbiness had him threatening to just leave me in a strange city. I've been super honest ever since, and he's never left. Our kids discovered heated swimming pools and we like to never got them out. The zoo was really cool but the heat was wicked. I about died going up the arch because super claustrophobic, heights problem, the arch swaying in the jet stream... 33. First school:
A pricey kindergarten because back then schools didn't have them. I was in trouble con-stant-ly.
34. First pair of trainers:
Right. I got three pairs of shoes at one time my entire childhood- church shoes, school shoes, and play shoes. I wound up with the cheapest sneakers available and wore them till the soles flapped, and it never slowed me down climbing trees and jumping fences and wrecking my bike.
WHICH IS BETTER 35. Lips or eyes:
I just discovered Top Blog Directories To Submit Your Blog To and am finding out one can pay search engines to pump up their search cred. I'm just shaking my head. You know the big money makers are all about lists, right? Lotta lists and all kinds of ads and popups everywhere. That's the problem with the digital age, all the app creators and money bloggers are clogging the servers up with digital money changing accounts. Wait, what was the question? Lips or eyes... Here's a good one. Check out this guy's eyes. Hang in there to the end, I laughed so hard.
36. Hugs or kisses:
I guess this which is better is about potential love interests and not food. Bummer. I think they should get more detailed with the questions, like which is better, sunburn hugs, or morning breath kisses.
37. Shorter or taller:
This is pretty important if you're planning on riding a horse and get queasy over heights and you're not used to a live beast you're on doing whatever it wants if you don't know how to control it. I slid off onto a gravel pile once and bruised up my whole rib cage. I couldn't move for hours. I tend to go for the smaller horses since then.
38. Older or younger:
The only older pet I've had was a chicken. All the rest managed to croak off or get killed long before their expiry dates.
39. Romantic or spontaneous:
Neither. God help the soul who crosses my path and feels a compulsion to seek out my company.
40. Sensitive or loud:
Neither. Don't touch me and don't talk to me. lolz Actually, I'd prefer a scifi junkie who doesn't mind a lot of DVR pausing to pursue major discussions and likelihoods and diving into frenzied IMDB searches. Incidentally, @bonenado is cool with that and also doesn't talk much during TV, although he does tend toward interactive if the action is too intense. I've learned not to sit too close.
41. Hook-up or relationship:
I told @bonenado as long as I have good internet and decent satellite or cable TV, I'll follow him anywhere.
42. Shy or outgoing:
Can we get past this real life stuff now? We're in the digital age. You should be asking keyboard or audio chat.
HAVE YOU EVER
43. Kissed a stranger:
Here, we go, confessions. I like kissing and stuff, but I'm really not into poor mouth hygiene, so I draw the line at double arm's length away from strangers. I know that seems anti-kissing, but it's really about being a germ phobe, totally different thing. The real question is whether you'd give mouth to mouth to someone gross and whether you'd fail the faith in humanity thing because of it.
44. Gotten a speeding ticket:
Even better, I've gotten to ride home in the front seat with highway patrol because I was too wasted on meds to make it in to work. I got caught driving too cautiously and slow.
45. Lost glasses/contacts:
Let me count the ways my glasses have been busted. Smashed in the face by a dodge ball, dropped on driveway chat after a screw fell out, rolled over on in my sleep, stepped on when I was looking for them in the dark, so many ways I've destroyed my expensive eyewear.
46. Sex on first date:
I can't even imagine that.
47. Broken someone’s heart:
Left and right in a variety of ways, I'm sure, but it probably had more to do with me being oblivious than anything.
48. Been arrested:
I'm so surprised I haven't been. Most people think I'm joking. I'm not joking.
49. Have you turned someone down:
The stupid thing about that is it makes people try harder, like it's a game to win or something. That's when I wind up doing something mean and instantly get hated for life. It's like ripping off bandaids, just yank those suckers off right away.
50. Fallen for a friend:
I'd make a good dog, I fall for anyone with food.
51. Moved out of town:
I'd love to move to a new country every year, see what the world is like besides on my TV.
BELIEVE IN 52. Miracles:
Pretty sure what you're doing right now is a miracle. You can call it science and think it's mundane, but something in my head going into your eyeballs over time and distance is a miracle, is it not? 53. Love at first sight:
So many times. Mostly with food, horizons, galaxies, books, the high blue sky above a desert, forest in the moonlight... Humans are made to fall in love, I think, we are so easily enamored of things we see around us. 54. Heaven:
I don't think it's what a lot of people think it is.
55. Santa Claus:
I didn't find out there was a Valentine fairy till after I got grown up. I felt so gypped.
56. Kiss on the first date:
@bonenado and I didn't kiss till our third date and that must've been the magic number.
57. Angels:
I don't think they're what some people think they are.
58. Yourself:
I can always count on me to keep my sox washed. ANSWER TRUTHFULLY
59. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time:
I'm currently binge rewatching The Guild. I'm in a weird place. It helps.
60. Been in love with someone you couldn’t be with?:
My whole life is about not being able to be with people I love. If I could move to Houston right now I'd be with my Batman.
61. Ever cheated on somebody:
I just fixed a blogger stat cookie problem on a different blog, so I guess I just totally cheated on all you guys.
62. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?:
As I wrote in another survey- All the way. All the dang way.
63. Are you afraid of falling in love:
Fear the evil villain falling in love...
64. Was your last relationship a mistake?
I accidentally created a monster.
65. Do you miss your last relationship?
Oh, are we only talking about love interests? I count anyone who looks at me weird in a pharmacy line as a relationship. Wait, that's a brief encounter. Or are those when you actually talk out loud to someone? I get all these things mixed up. At any rate, if we are doing 60 in separate cars on a highway and neither one of us suddenly mangles the other up, I call that a successful relationship.
66. Who did you last say “i love you” to?
I say I love you willy nilly. I don't keep track of these things.
67. Have you ever been depressed?
*looks at wrist* All my life. I've been told I'm not maniacally depressed, but people are still afraid of me.
68. Are you insecure?
Is it odd that I'm more insecure about who can get into my stuff in a digital game than who can get into my stuff in real life?
69. How do you want to die?
I *DON'T* want to die. Also, I don't a freaky stalker taking this seriously and granting my wish if I actually describe the kind of death I'd prefer over another kind of death, capiche? Good lord, people.
70. Do you bite your nails?
I keep them mowed so I won't. I've bloodied myself ripping hangnails out by the roots.
71. When was your last physical fight? Moc mob spawning all over me out of the blue affects me very physically, so pretty much every day. Gotta keep that ol' adrenaline exercised.
72. Do you have an attitude?
I keep attitude by me in a snack bowl. Always there when I need it.
73. Twirl or cut your spaghetti?
I haven't had pasta in years. I miss it, but not the 30 pounds I've totally kept off since I stopped eating it.
74. Do you tan a lot?
What is up with all these real life questions? Doesn't anybody making surveys ever do anything else online besides make surveys?
75. Ever eaten food in a car while someone or you are driving?
A better question would be ever eaten in front of a woman in labor. Yes I have. Don't do that, btw. It's not cool.
76. Ever made out in a bathroom?
Dear previous middle aged survey taker- This question didn't ask for your entire history of bathroom sex. Yes or no would've sufficed, like so many of your other very boring answers.
77. Would you take any of your exes back?
Most of them are still arm's length.
78. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Number 62 covered this. And yes I totally would, as many times as I could to as many places as I could.
Coming back to this at 6 a.m. on the 28th of June.
79. What are your plans for this weekend?
@bonenado's stepdad passed at home last night. I'm going to spread rumors about the woods being haunted now.
80. Do you type fast?
I keep saying I'm going to leave all the typos in one of these days. I type at ludicrous speed with both dyslexia and nerve challenges in my arms/hands/fingers. Sometimes even I don't know what I thought I was doing.
81. Can you spell well?
I used to be the person you'd automatically push into a spelling bee, but since the big brain crash in 2004, I've had to look up lots and lots of words that I used to know, over and over and over. I can't seem to retain the spelling. It's like I went dyslexic. I'm like that with numbers now, too.
82: What are you craving right now?
Chocolate chips. I've sworn off nachos and chocolate chips this month, my last two major carb vices. My coffee is screaming for chocolate chips in my mouth this morning, which I very rarely do, but this morning needs help.
83. Have you ever been on a horse?
On Mo Creatures you can get on a horse, a zorse, a winged horse, a bat horse, a fire horse, a fairy horse, and all kinds of other things like ostriches, scorpions, winged panthers, elephants, dolphins, etc. I have a horse named Westley (from Princess Bride) and a fairy horse named Smoak (from Arrow). I haven't saddled my ostriches yet, and my dolphin swam away in the ocean, so I may hafta get another one.
84. Would you live with someone without marrying them?
These kinds of questions are so vague, like it automatically assumes sharing living space with a love interest. There are very few people I allow into my home, much less cohabit with, so this question is fairly moot, even though I am actually married. I once had a roommate many years ago who thought it would be funny while she was at work to call the cops and complain about my loud partying, and they really did show up around midnight and dragged me out of bed, and I was obviously not partying. I swore off sharing living space with ANYONE after that who didn't pass a rigorous testing period, and that meant years later that @bonenado had to get an apartment near me and then wait 3 years to marry me. That is how seriously I take cohabitation. I don't share space easily. We have clearly demarcated and practically police taped DO NOT CROSS lines of each other's junk we don't touch, even after nearly 24 years of marriage. 85. What’s irritating you right now?
Nothing. I'm in hardcore aspienado shutdown. It's not the same as feeling numb, more like being in a deprivation tank. I'll deal with my feels later.
86. Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?
That constant ache which lends to the overarching existential dilemma, yes.
87. Does somebody love you?
Apparently, because they keep coming back. 88. Have you ever changed clothes in a car?
While driving. My talents used to be endless. I'm not that bendy any more, and my cognitive response time is laggy. 89. Milk chocolate or white chocolate?
Survey taker before me- "Despise milk as a drink. Coffee, juice, water or soda for me." Um. Ok, this is probably how you failed tests in high school. Keeping in mind I'm going through and deleting middle age responses before I come up with my own responses, boink that, I love milk. I grew up on fresh cow and goat milk, you can make tons of stuff with it like puddings, soups, sauces, cheeses, need I go on, and it's pretty awesome as a side with a snack. I've also lost weight drinking it in a probiotic protein mix, so there.
90. Do you have trust issues?
I don't trust anyone at all. I never have, never will. Being public has been a huge leap for me, and access trust in game is as angsty for me as real life is. @bonenado is the same way. I have never breached his internet perimeters, partly because I find fantasy baseball excruciatingly dull, but neither have I ever known his password to his league because he probably fears retribution if he ever irks me badly enough. I'm not into that kind of sabotage, although I am very capable of it. I appreciate that he's never tested me like it's some kind of game to see how upset I'll get. I'm not sure anyone else would have survived me this long without significant grudge holding.
91. Longest relationship?
I believe I've mentioned the African dwarf frog that was left behind for college and I kept cleaning the tank until one day I woke up and realized I'd had that frog in my house for ten years, and promptly tossed it off the deck to a chicken.
92: Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you? All the time. And not because I have a narcissism dx. I can see the stats.
93. Have you ever walked outside in your PJs?
And I've slept in my clothes, I thought we got past all this back in the 1960s. Oh yeah, that's a lost piece of history to the Gen Xers. Weird to think of Gen Xers being middle aged now.
94. Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
Previous survey taker- "I don’t believe we’re controlled." Answer the question, dammit! Ha, finally an answer that provokes actual thought, although it still lacks substance. Some of you know how I feel about synchronicity. That doesn't mean someone is at the helm controlling #allthethings. It means we synergistically fit into each other's lives, and I think that's a pretty good reason for things happening.
95. Did you have dream last night?
All the years I've had vivid dreams and no one ever actually asked this on a survey. Now I'm on CPAP completing dream cycles and waking up naturally not remembering my dreams and NOW this question shows up. I'm going to go take a shower.
96. Have you ever been out of state?
Ug, super ticked right now. Another blogger fail. The comments on another blog sit in pending until I do something, like publish or delete, but there is also a 'not spam' option, right? I wanted to send a couple of comments that got auto filtered into spam back to 'pending' and possibly even publish them, but clicking 'not spam' just made them vanish, like they were deleted. I'm so pissed. The only options I had in the auto filtered spam were 'not spam' and 'delete'. Super fail, blogger, SUPER. FAIL. They were legit and valuable to me.
For you gamers out there, that's the equivalent of your fave pet glitching out of existence and admin saying they can't replace it. The frustration is very real.
97. Do you play the Wii?
Ok, we finally get to a gaming question, and it's so lame my brain fell out. Starting to wonder if this survey was created from a women's prison. That would explain the rabid length and the weird cut off number. If internet time and accessible websites were restricted and monitored, I can totally see clinging to a survey creation site as long as I could, and under pressure so I'd have to slap out the questions without getting to take my time and glance at a television and snack and text my way through it. Hmm.
98. Do you like Chinese food?
I love dipping spring rolls. Now I'm wondering if prison food ruins Chinese food. I mean, if they have food theme days, right.
99. Are you afraid of the dark?
It's weird reaching a place in your life where you realize the stuff inside of you is darker than anything around you, even when it's pitch black. I think we fear what is inside of us more than we fear the actual dark, but honestly, yes, I absolutely do not want to run into spiders in the dark so I usually have some kind of light. I was cured of walking around in the dark even in my own house when I nearly stepped barefoot on a spider as big as my foot, and I'm totally not kidding about that. I live in Mirkwood.
100. Is cheating ever okay? Now it's July 3rd. Is that cheating? 101. What year has been your best?
Probably the one where I realized I am who I want to be, not who people say I am. I think I was about 11.
102. Do you believe in true love?
I can't decide if the previous person failed to get the question or settled for wrapping a tiny brain around immutable circumstances. I think the more important question is whether true love believes in us. And the answer is necessarily yes. Which moots out everything else you think about it. It's not like we have to make a logic proof out of it.
103. Favorite weather?
Inside a temp controlled building.
104. Do you like the snow?
I love looking at it through windows or in pictures.
105. Do you like the outside?
I would love the outside if I didn't burn immediately and snot up over everything and wasn't carrying around a positive Lyme marker. I do actually miss it, though.
106. Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?
No one ever calls me baby. I'm not the sort that word springs to mind around in any context.
107. Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight? *looking at watch* I kinda like the sprints.
108. What makes you happy?
When peace and quiet reign over my immediate environment for longer than 5 minutes. (Can you tell I'm really tired today?)
109. Ever been to Alaska?
I keep actually facepalming over the previous answers. I've caught myself actually really doing it 3 different times now, putting my hand to my face to rub my forehead and close my eyes. I wish just once I would run into a survey where the person before me was actually having ~*~fun~*~filling up time answering mundane questions. I also want to know why Alaska? What is so exotic about Alaska that no one ever says Hey, ever been to Maine? Ever been to Kentucky? Ever been to see the twine ball that Weird Al sings about?
110. Ever been to Hawaii?
Grrr. People who know anything about anything are wowed when I say I've been to the Cliff Dwellings.
111. Do you watch the news?
All I have to do is pull up a search bar in any browser or social media to have anything breaking shoved in my face. People still sit and watch news?
112. Do you love MTV?
People still watch MTV? lol Actually, season one of The Shannara Chronicles aired on MTV. For those wanting to continue following, it's imperative to know it's moving to Spike TV for season 2.
113. Do you like subway?
Years ago I thought I did, but honestly, it was never quite what I wanted. If I could get in there and build my own, fine.
114 Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?
Definitely created in a rush from a prison. And the previous answer looked like it was caught pretty flat-footed. That wily honesty, gets you every time.
115. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
He'd better like me, or I'll stop doing his laundry.
116. Why did you decide to do this quiz?
Someone's been in counseling, I see. I really should have been paying more attention, I'd probably get clues why this survey creator is in prison. 117. Have you ever seen someone you knew and purposely avoided them?
I got right in his face and he still avoided me. #awkward... Ex-coworker I didn't get along with (ok, I reported him for hiding merch from a regional visit instead of failing to get it tagged and onto the floor because he tried to blame it on me being a lazy lead and it backfired on him being an incompetent assistant manager to the point where they had to promote him right out of the store, and *bing*, there he was, some kind of lead or assistant management in Walmart) (more like a big step sideways and maybe a rung or two down in life after several years), and if I know my store policies, associates are supposed to acknowledge customers. I practically stepped into a tango with the guy and he still managed to get around me and pretend I wasn't there. In all honesty, it was one of those sudden lame oops moments, and in even more honesty, I haven't set foot back in that particular Walmart since. I don't usually reach that level of bad blood with people, but I will definitely stand up for myself to any boss shoving their crap over on me to shine better to people above them. So, person who answered this question before me, how do you feel about those vague brief answers now? Shame on you.
118. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?
I want to meet the person who answered before me. I usually want to meet the survey creator, but this guy has got me fascinated. I want to know every detail of his apparently very confused average IQ on the edge of jumping off a cliff out of sheer boredom life. He's NOT sounding adequately content, despite the brave attempts at the casual it's all good.
119. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?
In my head or in real life? I could simply just say "Scott" and move on, like the guy before me wrote "my wife" and moved on. WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HER??? omg, I bet she hates you. You dropped her like a piece of furniture, dude. At any rate, Scott generally has to peel me off because once I start talking I don't always stop. I'm a living run on sentence.
120. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Oooo, wife vs mother, weighing options, and he bailed. He brought them both up. I'm calling this one guilty conscience pulled between two women. I wanna know what that deep convo was about. I personally could go into all kinds of crap of my own, but it's been so interesting here that I'd probably get shot on facebook.
121. Ever bought condoms?
I've made that mistake, yes. I've also learned not to shop for jeans, underwear, and socks. The occasional shirt is fine. Scott is a very picky guy. There are right and wrong shades of green, and I could go over a whole list, but it's ridiculous.
122. Ever gotten pregnant?
3 times. One baby. My endocrinologist thinks I carried to term against all odds. Pretty sure my entire existence is against all odds.
123. Have you ever slipped on ice?
Wait... that was too synchronous. It's almost like this guy is talking to himself. Did HE make up these questions??? O_O Wo. What if he's the one on a timer in a prison life marriage or something, being monitored and wrestling to get a mental grip. I wonder if his mom lives with him and his wife. That would be wild.
124 Have you ever missed the bus?
And he's got kids that missed the bus or something. I wonder if this is the big talk he got caught in between his wife and mom about. Maybe one is blaming the other for lack of kid control or something.
125. Have you left the house without money?
I'm not sure whether to start feeling sorry for this guy or what. I mean, obviously he doesn't get the TV after work if he's doing this. He should be gaming.
126. Have you ever smoked cigarettes?
Serious smoker, too. Money is tight, he's smoking. One of the reasons I quit was because I added up how much money I had burned up in a year and was appalled.
127. Have you ever smoked a cigar?
I used to keep a cigar in my panty and sock drawer because it smelled good.
128. Did you ever drink alcohol?
Oh yeah, this is about me now, not the previous survey taker. I've gotta stop responding to him. "Ever" is a dumb word. Anyone who has used real vanilla or accidentally swallowed Listerene has drank alcohol.
129. Did you ever watch “The Breakfast Club”?
A Breakfast Clubber, there we go. That says it right there. Me, I watched stuff like Star Wars a hundred times, you know? My marriage would never make it if Scott were a Breakfast Clubber. Dude who did this before me- There are these cool werewolf and vampire shows. Go watch those. Amazing how they take your mind off.
130. Have you ever been overweight?
I swear, he's both the question and answer person. It's bugging me. I've never seen a survey so personally synced before, like someone is having a convo with themselves.
131. Ever been to a wedding?
Freakin bored I am. That's Yoda talk. I wonder if Yoda was ever married...
132. Ever been in a wedding?
Super facepalm into my monitor, this guy's been a wedding DJ... Adam Sandler didn't exactly make it cool, dude.
133. Have you ever been on the computer for 5 hours straight?
I'M TELLING YOU. I wanna reach back in time through our monitors and squeeze some thoughts into his brain, like WHY AREN'T YOU GAMING OR LIVE TWEETING OR WATCHING YOUTUBES OR SOMETHING. 134. Did you ever watch TV for 5 hours straight?
There's that word again, 'ever'. Maybe I have, and maybe I haven't. Maybe I fell asleep somewhere in there. Maybe I got up a lot with the show paused. Maybe I forgot to come back and then rediscovered I was only halfway through a show when Scott got home from work. Maybe it took me 3 weeks to watch one episode of something because I'm the kind of person who doesn't sit and stare at a TV very well.
135. Ever kissed in the rain?
I've never made out in the bed of a pickup truck, or in a tent, or even just in the woods, which is really sad since my entire life has been spent around these kinds of things.
136. Did you ever shower with someone else?
Ah-HA. It wasn't his wife! Pretty sure he was needing to share a bare hint at a clue. Get it? Bare. Nevermind.
137. Did you ever fail a driver’s test?
Lame question. Of course I did. I wonder how many times I've answered this one.
138. Ever been outside your home country?
Ok, how does one 'sort of' have been in France without mentioning any other part of Europe or even any other continent besides North America? You know what, I should really pull my psychologist in on a survey sometime, just do one right there in the office with him, see what it's like bouncing my head around talking out loud instead of just to myself on a survey.
139. Ever been on a road trip longer than 5 hours?
Probably my 15th facepalm. What guy does not pee by the side of the road? I'm sorry, I think I've been sucked into the survey taker from a Bates Motel kind of story. 140. Ever been to a professional sports game?
I saw the original Harlem Globetrotters. Well, maybe the second incarnation with one or two originals still in. I think they're in like their 20th incarnation now, or maybe even split off into a franchise of Harlem Globetrotter groups. Kind of like the fake Beatles in Branson.
141. Have you ever broken a bone?
I've had days/weeks/months/years that felt like every bone in my body was broken. Then when I really did break a bone in my foot, I walked around on it for two weeks before I went in for an x-ray because I thought surely it would hurt more.
142. Did you ever win a trophy in your life?
Hang on, I'm going to get Scott to scratch my back.
143. Ever get engaged?
Wow, I actually came back.
144. Have you ever been on a diet?
I've let nachos and chocolate chips back into my life. I make even poorer choices without them.
145. Have you ever been on TV?
Yes, several times. I should leave you all hanging.
146. Ever ridden in a taxi?
I can't even imagine voluntarily getting into a car that numerous other people have been in. I still bugs me to sit on a couch in my psychologist's office that hundreds of other people have sat on.
147. Ever been to prom?
"Yes. I took Bobbi Hibbits." So close to Bilbo the Hobbit... I was hoping there was finally a good answer in here. My prom story is stupid and already crabbed about in another survey under the 'childhood' section.
Prom sucked because I had to wear an ‘old lady’ church dress with long sleeves and my mom picked me up before the dance started.
148. Ever stayed up for 24 hours or more?
I had a euphoric episode that lasted 12 days. I didn't sleep.
149 Have you ever been to a concert?
No one ever brings up the children's concerts that tour to promote television shows, like Raffi and the Wiggles. I've been to a children's concert that was NOT any of those guys. I was vastly underwhelmed.
150. Have you ever had a crush on someone at work?
I have crushes on just about everyone at some time or another. I think it's part of my crazy brain chemicals bouncing around. 151. Have you ever been in a car accident?
If you're new and don't know, I'll indulge you enough to say yes. 152. Ever had braces?
I'm trying to get to 167. There are fireworks going off at a neighbor's house and Little Einsteins on the TV and it's almost 11 p.m. I think Bunny fell asleep so there's not much keeping me up now.
Now it's July 29. That's right, another month just flew by.
153. Did you ever learn another language?
I looked up 'giant space crickets' on google search because a really big cave cricket bouncing around my kitchen this morning seemed inspiring. I take back everything I ever said about our crickets being ginormous. Feel free to plug that one in and get sick. I'm not even going to link it, so you're taking full responsibility for your own actions here.
154. Do you wear make-up?
Let's immediately divert to youtube, shall we? I like this song.
By the way, if you are wondering "zucchini???", it all started in comments here. You're welcome.
155. Did you ever have your wisdom teeth taken out?
These kinds of questions make me wanna reach through my monitor through time and change them, like this one could be Did you ever dream you'd sneeze your dentures out? Cracks me up when I see someone do that. He shall remain nameless.
156. Did you ever kiss someone a different race than yourself?
So like I'm a human race kissing an alien race? I can't be sure. Most of it's pretty blurry.
157. Ever dyed your hair?
Wo, dude, guy before me remembers the YEAR, musta been stellar. My own dye fails are too boring to even mention.
158. Did you ever wear someone else’s clothes?
Can't. Take. This.
159. Ever ridden in an ambulance?
Very seriously, I can tell you many things about ambulances, their staff, their components, and how the only way you can get comfortable is to go unconscious. I should write up a FAQ sheet about what to expect on your joy ride.
160. Ever ridden in a helicopter?
I can't any more. Gotta bail again. So close to 167.
Now it's July 31st.
161. Ever caught the stove on fire?
Since I know people who have not only done this but seriously burned themselves and/or their houses, I earnestly prayed early on in this house for it to be protected from ever burning, and there have been several times I've been extremely thankful it hasn't, because it certainly could have. 162. Ever met someone famous?
I'm not good at this. I don't know how to gush properly. I also suck at small talk. It gets weird and awkward very quickly because I auto-assume everyone is a normal person and I have no social skillz. I've breezed right by famous people like they weren't even there and never blinked an eye. You'd fall over if I ever made a list, and most of it was very accidental. However, I've gone a little more in-depth on Pinky blog at I'll make you famous.
163. Ever been on an airplane?
My first airplane ride at 17 was in a private plane that spontaneously changed flight plan without reporting so we could shortcut over a mountain range. The turbulence was insane, and I watched my uncle fight to stay in the air while he handed me two puke sacks to fill up from a very expensive lunch he'd fed me just before takeoff. Ever since then I've had to be drunk or fairly heavily sedated just to walk onto a plane. I'm not fun to fly with. Oh, and I have a peanut allergy, so one flight I was on some guy behind me griped all the way to Houston about not getting any peanuts. I really don't wanna die on a plane.
164. Ever been on a boat?
Not crazy about boats, either. Big water under me brings out all kinds of life preservation anxiety.
165. Ever broken something expensive? It's ok.
166. Did you ever kiss someone before you were 14?
Ug, this is stupid.
167. Did you ever find something valuable on the ground?
This finally concludes one of the most boring dragged out surveys I've ever done. I cannot believe the person before me took himself so seriously and never broke out of lie detector mode.
From a private blog, originally posted on 10-30-07.
1. Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced? About 3 or 4 years ago, I think, I thought it would be tasteful to get a dainty gold hoop to put around the middle of my lower lip, but I never did it.
2. Does a kiss make your boo boos feel better? Being a germ phobe, if your mouth comes anywhere near my wound, you're going to get a boo boo yourself.
3. Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor? In spite of being inebriated enough to have alcohol poisoning in my youthful past, I've never lost consciousness. Of course, you're talking to the person who woke up in the middle of heart surgery to talk to the doctor, which freaked him out pretty badly.
4. Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in? I'm no fool.
5. What did you do today? Technically, we're speaking of yesterday, since I'm up at 2 a.m. from a Lyrica buzz. I went to the chiropractor and told him of my descent into the depths of hell, whereupon he ~gently~ cracked my bones and cured me, had a most excellent workout, hit Walmart and stocked up on goodies for salsa and 7 layer dip (I'm craving avacados), came home and watched Mystery Men (again, geez, aspie rut), conked for a couple of hours, got up and made meatloaf and mashed potatoes, watched Chuck and South Park while we toggled to the Packer game, and talked to my sploit on the phone. What did YOU do?
6. Have you ever brushed your teeth while in the shower? Intriguing question. I believe I have, because a latent memory popped up, but it must have been long ago enough to not be able to tag why.
7. Have you had more than 3 boyfriends/girlfriends at the same time? Willy Wonka and Eddie Izzard fight over me, the rest don't get my time of day. Jack Sparrow is a little ticked about that, but he doesn't brush his teeth, even in the shower, so he grosses me out.
8. Have you ever thought about your death? I was born thinking about my death.
10. Do you like someone? I like Scott a ~lot~ and he can hardly peel me off. He lately complained to his mother and sister that all I want any more is sex, and they both laughed and said yep, that's the right age...
12. What color is your shower curtain? My shower *doors* are blurry-clear, which is cool when I walk in on Scott taking a shower.
13. Have you ever had stitches? I *should* have gotten a couple of stitches when that manikin hand struck my face, but my boss was a jerk and patched it up like I was a football player and sent me back out on the floor. Everyone said I looked pretty impressive.
14. How long ago did you hug someone? Scott peeled me off before we went to bed, so it's been about 5 hours now.
15. Did you believe that boys/girls had cooties? ~ALL~ people have cooties, that's why I don't let just anyone kiss my boo boos.
16. Do you know how to use chop sticks? Interesting things happen when I use chop sticks. Food and sticks alike take on a life of their own.
17. Lyrics stuck in your head? "Me, I'm horny don't you know, my love I want you so... Sugar, you make my soul complete, rapture tastes so sweet". Poor Scott. I'm in an iiO universe lately.
19. What are you doing tomorrow? My list consists of calling my heart dr. to move an appt, making apple crisp before the apples rot, cleaning out my fridge, doing dishes and laundry, and probably working out on the bike and taking another nap. I'm also thinking I'd like to get some more hot chocolate mix made and maybe start on some peppernut dough. I'd like to have several gallons of those made by holidays. I have a much longer list on stand by, but I feel no urgency to prove anything to the world at large. And who knows, maybe I'll get a notice from the library that my book loan is in, in which case I'll be driving in to town to pick that up.
20. Who was the last person you couldn't take your eyes off of? Wo, the answer to this before me was a bit shocking. Talk about honesty with attraction to children. Ick. Kind of pales MY answer, which would be Eddie Izzard.
21. Have you ever given money to a homeless person? I've been a homeless person. Thankfully it didn't last real long.
22. Have you ever run over an animal? Ok, here comes another list... Sorry, don't want to gross anyone out, but when you live in raw hills and forests, you tend to take out the local wildlife. I've hit two deer, a couple of bobcats mating (highways are so convenient for mating), a wild turkey that spread out across my windshield and nearly made me careen off a twisted road on a hillside, actually sliced a small dog in half and exploded a cat (I will NEVER understand pets running right out in front of traffic like idiots), several dozen birds, snakes, and a turtle. I once sluiced through an already dead skunk by accident. Never do that. Ever. You drive with your head out the window for miles. I think I've hit a raccoon, too, but the armadillos and possums were all smart enough to evade me. Funny, the 'oldest' species are the best at survival in the modern world.
23. What is your favorite cereal? Cheerios. No matter how bad I feel, I can eat Cheerios.
24. Have you ever had an Oreo with peanut butter? I'm not an Oreo person.
25. What are you doing right at this moment? Letting Scott sleep undisturbed.
26. Do you think its right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced? I think ANYONE getting their tongue pierced is asking for rot and infection. I once saw this girl's tongue, it was so infected it was BROWN.
27. Where’s your favorite place to be? Deep in my head. Never a dull moment in there.
28. What's your favorite song? I'm on strike. No more favorite song questions in surveys.
29. Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker? Hot chocolate. We're a cultish breed.
30. Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire? People are idiots. I was once in a car with some kids who decided they were hungry and took a loaf of bread, a jar of miracle whip, a knife, and some bologna from one kid's house. After the sandwiches were made and stuff was done passing around the car, one guy rolled his window down and chunked the rest out. I'm thinking ok, ~here's~ a guy who will never survive a future calamity because he has no forethought. What if someone wanted a second sandwich? Duh. Likewise, it's pretty standard around here to see lone shoes on the highway in the spring.
31. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Have you seen what hangs out in untreated water?
32. Have you ever climbed up a water tower? I let the maintenance guys take care of that, saves me a lot of time and energy.
33. Do you dream in black and white? Occasionally. I've also dreamed in cartoon and video game.
34. Do you talk in your sleep? Unsuccessfully. Unless I'm speaking French and Scott just can't understand me.
35. Do you snore? Everyone snores, most people just don't wake themselves up doing it, so they never know. What's interesting is when you hear someone stop breathing because their tongue is in the way and it takes forever for them to breathe again.
36. Have you ever thought about being a model? There's way more to life than walking a runway and freeze framing. I want to create the parts that models fight over when they turn to acting.
37. Are you a redneck? I can't quite get the hang of it.
38. Funniest thing you heard all day? People freaking out over Cartman's Halloween costumes.
39. Have you ever gotten a mosquito bite on your face? Must we dredge up old memories? I bury things for a reason, you know.
40. What are you afraid of? I think the freakiest dream I've had lately was having a pet spider, and even though I was repulsed, I let it sit on me and talked to it and coaxed it to do things. In real life they DIE.
41. What does the 10th text message in your outbox say? I'm not going to wake Scott up unplugging my phone just to find that out.
42. What does the 10th message in your inbox say? Ditto.
43. Do you like someone? Gee, that was # 10. What gives?
44. Do they know you like them? He complains about it, yes.
46. Can you recite the alphabet backwards? Ok, *must* *kill* survey maker... Really reaching to make 50 here.
47. Whats your middle name? Gar-Halloween-field. Ha, remember that one, sploit? Wonder what happened to that old cartoon.
48. What's your profile song and why? Paint it Black. It was an impulse.
49. Need to get something off your chest? I have a deep lack of caring about many things in life, such as politics and kittens. No offense to anyone, but I grew up soaked in both. Now I'm on vacation.
50. How do you feel about your life right now? It's 3 a.m. and I need SLEEP.
Just ran into a never before publicly published Halloween survey from Oct. 22, 2007.
Halloween Survey
Ghosts or Goblins?: Vaporous apparitions, all the way.
Zombies or Vampires? The dark glasses and coolness really do it for me. Tux is optional. Witches or Hags?: Gothy slutty witches. Werewolves or Frankenstein?: I must choose between 3 Franks-- Casanova Frankenstein, Dr. Frankenfurter, and Gene Wilder's Frankenstein (don't forget to pronounce that correctly!) I think I'm going with Cas this year.
Black Cats or bats?: Both. I once saw a cat catch and eat a bat.
Trick or Treat?: Depends on who or what knocks on my door... heh heh. Candy Corn or Candy Apples?: Apples candied in red hots and butter, smells wonderful. Pumpkins or Squash? Pumpkins, but I'm not adverse to spaghetti squash if anyone wants a duel. Orange or Purple lights? Orange is fine, all purple is super funky. I'm not crazy about them mixed. Toads or Spiders?: ~ew~ Lanterns or Lit Pumpkins?: Both!!!! And luminaries, and spooky glow lights.
Skeletons or Mummies?: I like them naked.
HALLOWEEN QUESTIONS:
What were you last year for Halloween?: Absorbed in a live Ghost Hunters episode. Sorry, world at large, I wasn't in costume of any kind.
What are you going to be this year?: I'm thinking about being Eddie Izzard. My hair cut is amazingly close to his this year, what a fluke. First time I've ever had hair this short. Now, the question is-- executive transvestite (can a woman pull that off???) or mascara facial hair (very 3D) like Doug Rich might have shaved a couple of days ago?
Favorite costume you have ever worn?: My brother's Planet of the Apes mask, on which my glasses fit perfectly, so I looked like the scientist ape. Unfortunately, I had to give it back to him to trick or treat in.
How do you spend your Halloween?: In the days of yore, I drove the getaway car while we got pillowcase loads of stash. Later on I wound up working or watching the door while Scott did the chauffeur duties, and this year I will glue myself to the tv watching Ghost Hunters again.
Are you or are you not going trick or treating this year?: Might be funny to go next door in my beard...
Did or do you pull Halloween pranks?: Oh, yeah, one year was so awesome. We had this huge bowl of candy that we mixed in old broken crayons and stupid McDonald's and Sonic toys and cheap mardi gras beads and misc. Barbie shoes and accessories and all kinds of stuff in, you know, little rubber snakes and plastic bugs, just junk from when the girls were little, and I heard we were the coolest house on the street that year. Another year I handed out bitter baking chocolate, I'm so mean. Last year we ran out of candy so I handed out hot chocolate packets. I've been known to toss some pretty bizarre things into the sacks. Really old Easter and Christmas candy...
Do you believe in ghosts? I kind of wonder sometimes if they ask each other, "Do you believe in humans?" It's strange that we assume 'ghost' automatically stands for 'deceased human'. We just lump everything weird into 'ghost'. But nearly every house I've lived in has been strangely beset by unusual and sometimes quite surprising things, and one I visited that scared me half to death turned out to have been a murder site, so yeah, I think there's cool weird stuff going on.
Are you superstitious? Always go to the bathroom before you set out on an adventure. It's bad luck to get nervously gassy or soil yourself. You wind up alone in the back of an old pickup freezing half to death. I've learned this from experienced wise people who pass stories down through the ages.
Do you like caramel popcorn?: The very best caramel popcorn I ever ate in my life was homemade, but I've never tried caramelizing it myself.
Have you ever gone in the country to look for pumpkins? You'd be surprised what comes up in your own back yard after a good pumpkin smashing.
Have you ever been on a hayride? You ask this of a person who used to be involved in hauling hay... I'd call that a big yes. But you mean a Halloween hayride, right? Always good to know a farmer with a tractor and a flatbed. Around here the really famous hayrides are done by old drunk Amish guys who try to scare the kids by making the horses go up and down these crazy inclines at weird angles on dark and blustery creepy hillsides. Here they are going 2 mph and it scares the snot out of the kids. I'm sure the horses wish they'd roll off.
Do you decorate your home for Halloween?: I used to try. I fail miserably at Halloween decor. When we were kids, my parents had this big black iron pot like you cook outside in, and they filled it with dry ice. That was cool. I never went out of my way to do much, although one year we did try to make a little grave in the yard. But now I have a couple of nice sets of Halloween mugs to drink my hot chocolate from. Very satisfying.
Have you ever been to a haunted house?: Yeah, but I'm not crazy about them. I've known people who would run and slam into walls so hard they'd hurt themselves, and one girl even broke her braces, but I'm more likely to punch people. You really don't want to get in my face and make me scream. I have reflexes.
Have you ever been to a graveyard on Halloween? I have no idea. I remember partying in a graveyard and sticking my cigarette into a kid's eye when he tried to pull me down for a tiny teen gang rape *rolling my eyes*, but I can't remember if it was anywhere near Halloween. I wobbled into the house and flopped onto my bed. That's all I remember.
Have you ever attended a Halloween party?: I think the coolest Halloween party we ever had was at our own house when we were kids, surprisingly. We rarely got birthday parties, but I remember a couple of Halloween parties my mom threw that were the bomb.
Do you watch scary movies on Halloween? I'd rather watch Halloween cartoons, like Bugs Bunny hanging out in the old castle singing Abra Cadabra.
Have you ever had your candy stolen from you?: Scott is a sneaky guy. I once got ONE bite sized snicker out of an entire bag. Couple of days later, it was just gone. And he stole all my vanilla tootsie rolls out of my tootsie roll bag last week.
Did you ever steal any ones candy? Pilfered. I pilfered tootsie rolls the whole time the kids were growing up.
Has anyone ever gotten hurt due to your prank?: I don't think so, but since I spread my pranks out year round, and since I get away so I'll never get caught, it's hard to tell. I heard a mild car wreck was involved once, but that may or may not have been my fault, and I was miles away by that time.
Have you ever dressed as a witch/warlock?: No, 'fraid not. Some day I'd like to dress up as a gypsy fortune teller, though, and be devastatingly beautiful, sexy, and mysterious.
Are your parents into Halloween?: Mom used to be, Dad was usually against it. He takes devil stuff pretty seriously.
Do you know someone who was born on Halloween? My parent-in-laws' wedding anniversary is on Halloween. They don't do anything special, in anticipation of your next question.
HAVE YOU EVER:
Passed out candy?: I pretty much have to, since I'm not licensed to resell. Bobbed for apples?: I was really good at that once I figured it out.
Gone to a pumpkin patch?: We accidentally raised a tiny little wild pumpkin patch and got a real pumpkin out of it one year. Hosted a Halloween Party? I'm not as insane as I look. Attended a Halloween Party?: Always good to leave cleanup with another host. Made pumpkin pie?: I love hot pumpkin pie fresh out of the oven. I bet it would be good with ice cream.
Raked leaves?: Briefly. I saw big spiders and no other point to it. Watched the Travel Channel with the Halloween specials?: That was about as bad as watching home movies. Maybe I caught a bad production, but I've never been back.
HAVE YOU SEEN:
Amityville Horror?: I'm a virgin. Halloween?: I'm innocent.
Last House On The Left? Never even heard of that one. House Of Wax?: Sorry.
Tales From The Crypt? A couple. The Exorcist?: I tried. I was at a friend's house. I fell asleep and missed most of it. Texas Chainsaw Massacre?: No, but I knew a guy who took the front door of his house down and replaced it with a fake plywood door, and when a bunch of kids knocked, he fired up his chainsaw and sawed through the door. They ALL ran screaming and never came back. Pumpkinhead?: Nope. I seem to have missed some classics, eh? The Sixth Sense?: Ok, I've seen that one. Is that considered a Halloween movie? All or any of the Nightmare On Elm Street?: Once again, I'm pure as the driven snow. Practical Magic? Are you making these up? I've never even heard of it.
Any or all of The Simpsons Halloween episodes?: Now THOSE I never miss. The Munsters?: I had a crush on Eddie Munster when I was a kid. I know, I go from Eddie to Eddie. I've done this my whole life. Except for Billy Mumy. The only Billy in my life. The Addams Family?: I would love to have a pet named Gomez. By the way, I stuck that extra D in there for ya because it wasn't spelled right. My very fave scene out of all the movies is when Debbie bursts into their house, cocks the rifle, and yells "In-laws!!!!" with a big smile on her face. Elvira?: I own that one. Love the punked out poodle. The Lost Boys?: Keifer made a pretty good vampire, didn't he? Contact?: Um, no.... How about Hypercube? You may as well mention a really outrageously weird movie like that one.
Hocus Pocus?: Oddly, I actually like that movie. Edward Scissorhands?: I'm sorry, that's about as unHalloweeny as it gets, and I weep at the ending, and why in the WORLD didn't you ask about Sleepy Hollow????????? Who is grasping at straws here? I love Sleepy Hollow, that one was amazing. Friday the 13th?: *yawn* No. Childs Play?: Virgin deluxe, I just don't have the patience for cheesy thrillers. The Shining?: Not even Jack himself can get me to sit down for that one. How about Secret Window? Or From Hell? Or The Ninth Gate? Man, these questions are seriously lacking some outstanding Johnny Depp thrillers. Salems Lot?: No, sorry. Fright Night?: No. Ok, we could have more to choose from, like Teen Wolf, or Blade, or Van Helsing, Corpse Bride, or Nightmare Before Christmas, so why in the world is this survey suddenly stopping here? Gee whiz, not even a mention of Ghostbusters. And by the way, my very fave author in the entire world having anything to do with witches and death and vampires and zombies and all the stuff is Terry Pratchett.
Every Halloween, wherever I have my blog (it moves around), I post this link to the funniest movie review you ever read in your LIFE. Grand Wizard
Go read it RIGHT NOW.
After that go watch this movie and then join me in costume. I've got dibs on The Spleen.
