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Thursday, September 25, 2014

long forgotten survey (or, Let’s Get Spocked)

Originally posted on 5-12-09. The code smash this post went through was phenomenal, so I'm thrilled the spontaneous font glitches aren't worse.

Will you cry at your wedding?
Another useless survey to get me through a long night after I’ve exhausted all other avenues of interest or entertainment.  

Are you named after one of your parents or grandparents?
I wish I could say I was named after this song.

(I would have preferred this hi-def full vid version here, but the embed codes it contains automatically started ALL my youtubes playing…) The Rocky Horror Picture Show – Dammit Janet Free Movie and Video Clip :edit: this might be better

But I was named after a cousin, go figure.  I could have been named Betsy, but there was a Betsy Wetsy doll at the time, so my dad objected.  I could have been named either Rachel or Rebecca, have no idea how those got tossed out, just know they were options.  I was almost named Gretchen, seriously.  Scott’s boss at work calls me Gretchen since I told him that.  But no, I got the same name as my dad’s older sister’s second kid, and I was my dad’s first child.  Lack of creativity?  No other cool names on either side to borrow from?  I might’ve liked being Claudette, even, maybe that grandfather would’ve liked me better for it.  Needless to say, was a little awkward growing up with a cousin nearly my age with the same name, like I was a copycat or something, and the only saving grace I’ve ever found in having this name (since it’s terribly unromantic and plain and seems like I constantly run into women I don’t like with my name) is that it actually made it into one of the most memorable movie cult songs of all time.  One of my coolest memories from college was walking into class and the boys on the front row announcing my arrival with ”Dammit!”

Are you wearing any clothes that don’t belong to you?
My sox are getting pretty close to not belonging to me.  Holes.  Growing.

Have you ever liked someone who all your friends hated?
It’s pretty sad when not one of the 150 people you work with has a *clue* when you pull a classic Jack O’Neill line. :edit: that vid is gone, have these.

What is your current annoyance?
Beware.  ~Asking~ me to whine is dangerous, I could easily go 10,000 words on you here.

What are you doing besides this survey?
Thinking maybe if I body slam myself backward just right against a door frame, maybe I can kill the nerve that’s keeping me up right now.

Do you know anyone who is pregnant?
One of my chickens laid an inside-out egg the other day.  It was pretty gross.

Does anyone hate you?
Yeah, but I don’t keep a list, and I don’t care why.  No one ever asks in surveys if I’ve received threats of bodily harm or malicious intent to ‘take me down’.

Is there anyone you want to come see you?
It’s tempting to wake Scott up to massage my neck…  I like this commercial. :edit: no clue what video was here before the code smash, here's my latest fave annoyance.

What are your plans for the weekend?

Are you a bad influence?
I realized when I was about 7 or 8 that someone switched universes on me, so there is an evil me out there somewhere wreaking havoc on the unwitting masses.

Have you ever had a serious conversation with your dad?
Trying to convince the man that scifi isn’t corrupting my soul got pretty serious one evening.

Do you miss anyone?
Quit it, I’m trying not to go in there and wake Scott up to rub my neck.  I’m trying to be a ~good~ wife.

Last person to make you smile?
I’ll tell you what I’m really good at.  I’m fresh outa bed at 5:30, bumping into things with my eyes half closed, turn on the tv and can’t for the life of me punch in the channel right so it takes 5 tries to pull up Fox News, and I’ve got 3 seconds before Michio Kaku comes on (ON THE SET) to discuss the new Star Trek movie, and I come full awake and recording it live in a flat nanosecond, and totally understanding everything he says.  ~No~ ~coffee~.  Anything else, I’m useless.

What are you doing tomorrow?
Delicately avoiding contracting swine flu during a necessary trip to town for an appt and a refill.

Do you think/know anyone has feelings for you?
Scott has no idea how much he adores me right now for not waking him up to rub my neck.  I’ll let him know tomorrow so he can appreciate that.

Do you have a lot on your mind at the moment?
I’ve got a bag of hot corn on my left shoulder attempting to smooth things over with sweet nothings to my neck.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone, what was it about?
I think it’s working.  Plus I took some benadryl.

Who was the first person you talked to today?
Not a clue.  I tend to talk to objects.  The first object I talked to today was the remote.

When is the next time you will hug someone?
Gotta love this question, so many ways to approach it.  The network is down, you’ll have to reschedule.  I can pencil you in next Thursday.  Woops, you missed it, just hit the back button.  Hang on a sec, let me focus my time binoculars so I can get a good reading on that…

Do you know anyone whose name starts with a Z?


Do you know anyone whose name ends in Z, though?
I’ve got a cracker conundrum.  I like different kinds of crackers to munch on with cheese, cashews, and juice, right?  Every time I decide to get some crackers lately, I’m noticing that the ‘better if used before’ date is a year ago.  I’ll either have to limit my selection so I’ll finish them up on time, or just clear them all out and get all new ones and then clear them out again next year.  Do you guys ever wonder if food will get ridiculously cheap if we ever really do have a pandemic that wipes out part of our population or a nuke goes off somewhere because they have to move it off the shelves by that date?  And then prices will skyrocket because the people who make the food will croak off and the shipping industry will grind to a halt.  I wonder these things late at night.  Strategic food price watching…

Someone asks you on a date, where do you wanna go?
We usually wind up going to Lowe’s or the local hardware store, and once I got to go fishing, but my dates mostly consist of a weekly breakfast out before we get groceries.

You have to get a facial piercing, what do you get?
Tough decision.  Maybe one of those big round things that stretches your bottom lip out down to your neck…

Are you mad about anything?
I’m a little peeved that my Slap Chop takes longer to use than simply mincing everything manually with a knife, because stuff gets so packed up in the blades that I have to keep digging it all out.  They don’t show you that part on the commercial.

Have you ever ridden a horse?
I’m getting the weirdest feeling I’ve filled this survey out before.

Are you scared of sharks?
I’m pretty landlocked, but big black spiders do the trick.

You get arrested, what for?
Taking the big round thing out and using my droopy pierced lip for a slingshot.  You can put an eye out with those.

Who did you last hang out with?
Need we ask?  After I recorded Michio, I went straight to an old Star Trek rerun that dvr’d at 5 a.m.  Sorry, once I get into the Spock youtubes, I really can’t stop, they crack me up.  Need some ‘Spirky goodness’.

Last thing someone bought for you?
*about 12 hours later*  I asked the chiro if he remembered the way the lights strobe up the plasma coils in front the antimatter containment field in Star Trek, and he said no, it’s been years since he’s seen that.  I said Too bad, because that’s how the pain was strobing from my left shoulder up my neck and into my cranial nerves all weekend.  He did confirm that the bizarre bolts of pain shooting down my left leg into my foot every time I go to the bathroom was classic for irritation of the ol’ lower disk bulge.  ~Niiiiiiice~.

Does anyone know your password besides you?
So, where were we?  Ah, yes, I’m doing this stupid little survey to help time go by while I suffer.  Nothing like stubbing your toe real good to take your mind off a throbbing migraine, I always say.  Nothing like a survey to challenge one to new heights in pain management.  Beats heck outa meditation.

Have your parents ever caught you drinking?
I would ~love~ a margarita right now.  Haven’t had one in years.  If you love your liver and take medication warnings seriously, you sadly dream of margaritas and dig up cool stuff in youtube.

What woke you up this morning?
Today was one of those crazy mornings where I actually slept in till 7, can you imagine?  I know!  I slept the whole stinkin’ day away!

What’s the last thing you laughed really hard over?
I have to hold it down to snickering.  Yeah, sux.  One of these days I’m gonna go down in total bronchial spasms and laugh myself to death, sure hope it’s worth it, because once I start, *I* *can’t* *stop*.  Doesn’t take much, either, so I must always keep the strictest vigil over hilarity ensuing.

Did you have a good birthday this year?
The deja vu in this survey is throwing me off track.  I keep getting rerun answers stuck in my head.

Have you broken up with anyone in the past week?

Sorry, I must be on this Spock kick because I can’t go see the new Star Trek movie without being heavily medicated and someone driving me.

Do you think relationships are even worth it?
I think this pretty much says it. :edit: Replacement for disappeared vid. You're welcome.

Has anyone told you lately that they would always be there for you?
Scott told me if I go before him he’ll die, because he can’t cook.  I guess if he’s assuming I might go first, that’s an automatic “I’ll always be there for you” rationale.  Having a pie hanging around never hurts a relationship.

Would you ever get a tattoo?
On purpose?  Pay someone to scar me up artistically?  And then watch it fade and blur on aging hairy skin?  Or have a mosquito bite swell part of it up into something ridiculous?  It would be a real drag if I had another accident plummeting down my backyard head first and half scraped the thing off or something.  It would be a ~tragedy~ if it were a really cool ’too of Mr. Spock in his prime.

Did it rain today?
Shut up.  I’m sick of rain.

Would you rather be called hot, cute, or beautiful?
I get a compliment out of Scott once every 3 or 4 years.  A couple of months ago he said I look cute in my bell bottom jeans.    

Do you have a little sister?
I tried to stop them…

Do you like Taylor Swift?
No one ever asks if I like Carly Simon.

Tell me a fact about the last person that texted you.
She hasn’t spoken to me in person in about a year, and never acknowledges my existence unless she’s mass texting people on holidays.  I refuse to reciprocate or validate that crap.

When’s the last time you ate at Taco Bell?
Dang, I’ve got that written down some place…

Have you ever broken anything because you were mad?
I never dreamed I could break a door frame.  Years ago, folks, move along, nothing to see here.

Have you ever been in a long distance relationship?
Scott’s at work.  I’m here.  I’m not sure about the actual mileage, but I’m pretty sure you could call it long distance if you were using a horse and buggy, might take a couple days to get there.  Or longer if your horse came up lame and the river swelled up from all the rain.  Better get used to thinking like this, people, one of these days we’ll be pulsed and go back a century or two.

What was the last thing you ate?
I hashed browned a potato and then scrambled an egg in it, then put ketchup on it.  It’s about the only thing besides a burger than I’ll put ketchup on, and I rarely eat burgers.

Do you like the song Crush by David Archuleta?
This is such a drag…  Gotta liven it up a little again.

Have you ever watched The OC?
Sorry, walked off from this again.  Let’s see, about 17 hours have gone by since that last youtube.  If I told you I folded space and just skipped all that, would you believe me?

Have your parents ever hated your boyfriend/girlfriend?
My parents stayed out of my love life a little too much, actually.  Wouldn’t have minded if they’d have been a little more interested in some of my more catastrophic alliances.

Do you and your best friend share clothes?
Scott refuses to wear my nightgowns.

Is fall your favorite season?
Wo, how did you do that???  Ok, what number am I thinking of?

What should you be doing instead of this?
I’m doing exactly what I should be doing, finishing this up and getting it out of my way.  The fact that I’m doing it so early in the morning while I drink my hot chocolate makes me doubly productive.

Crazy About You survey

Originally posted on 7-27-09.

What is your last name spelled backwards?: draziw dlo esiw 

Do you like any songs by Madonna?: La Isla Bonita, but I’m so disillusioned with Madonna that I haven’t listened to her in years.

Are you afraid of bugs?: Bugs do not belong anywhere near me.  It’s a genetic repulsion thing.

Do you like chocolate ice cream?: Chocolate has lost its magic for me.  I blame the meds.

Are you on a laptop?: I miss my pc.    It crashed.  I’m on a tiny netbook.  It sux.

Do you know anyone named Sam?: I can still hear Quantum Leap quotes in my head every time I read the name Sam.  That has no bearing on whether I like the name.  I actually don’t.  Sorry to all the Sams out there.

Who is your favorite cousin?: I don’t have a fave cousin.  Out of about 50 cousins.  Yes, it’s true, no preference.  At all.  I bet they were all holding their breaths hoping their name would show up here.  Except most of them have no clue this blog exists.  I still don’t have a fave.  I really don’t.

What are you allergic to?: It’s enough of a drag listing my allergies to every medical staffer I run into, I’m not going to do it here.  It’s impressive, though.  I’ve been told numerous times I should be wearing that special med jewelry, possibly even tattoo it on my arm or something.  Knowing me, I’d be allergic to the jewelry and the tattoo ink.

Do you eat french fries with ketchup?: I don’t eat french fries.  Imagine that.

Have you ever swam in water over 8 feet?: I’ve nearly drowned in water over 20 feet, and as I was begging a nearby kid to let me hold onto his float device and almost going under, he was saying no and paddling away…  I lunged for him and we fought all the way back to shore, where I lay gasping for a long time.  Little turd saved my life…

Do you like your mom or dad better?: I have concerns about both of them.  They are equally distanced.

Do you like fried or baked chicken better?: Boiled.  Juicier.

Orange or grape soda?: No soda.  Soda is bad.

Water or juice?: Ice tea.

Do you like the sunset?: I miss New Mexico sunsets.  I once designed beaded earrings called Tequila Sunsets.  No, I don’t sell them.

Do you think you’re special?: Particularly placed, maybe, but not necessarily special.  I could never compete enough to be special.  I like hiding in my cave.

Why or why not?: Too early for an essay here.  You don’t care, I don’t care, let’s go get something to munch and move on.

Do you remember the last time you had a happy meal?: I remember going through a phase where I was ticked there were no happy adult meals with surprises in them.

What is your crushes middle name?: Without an apostrophe, I refuse to play along.

Are you ashamed/embarrassed of the person you like?: I have never understood that phenomenon.  I could care less what other people think in the first place.

Do you like pina coloda flavored things?: NO.

How about taking walks in the rain?: Sux getting groceries into the house in a downpour.

Are you a fan of mexican food?: Let’s turn this around a bit.  I’m a fan of southwestern North American FOOD, which includes squashes and other vegetables most people wouldn’t touch with a stick.  The *original* Mexican food before industrialization and fast food restaurants, yes, very good food.  It’s not all chili rellenos and tacos.

What is your favorite show on Adult Swim?: You assume things.

Do you have dinner with your family every night?: I be the chef, that be a yes.  I be dayam fine cooker.

Peanut butter is yummy right?: Used to be.  Lost my taste for it.  Sad, but true.  Bet you’re all worried now it could happen to YOU.

Name a lame movie:: There are so many lame movies in this world, sometimes I wonder how different we’d all be if Hollywood had never been born.

Name an action packed, awesome, totally kickass movie:: Monsters, Inc.  Yes, I’m serious.

Are you hungry?: Today is Scott’s birthday.  Today I’m going to make Boston Cream Pie and a very special supper.

Do you like the movie Transformers?: I tried to sit through it, about halfway in I was grinding my teeth and raking the walls with my fingernails wondering why they abandoned actual script writing for a never ending special effects fight that did nothing but waste an incredible amount of time and brain cells.  I’m not a fan of grinding time fillers into the audience.

Why are you not gay?: Why is the rest of the world not asexual?  It’s a pretty moot question.

Have you ever been to an amusement park?: I practically have one in my back yard.

Was it amusing?: When people up and down your street all work there and act like it’s so fun and cool staying in context, all you can think about is the South Park episode where the kids take a field trip and all the characters get shot because they can’t break out of 1864 to reveal an electronic door code, which doesn’t exist in their time.  I have no patience for that kind of cuteness, either.  Just let me buy the ‘homemade’ soap and apple butter and move on.

Did you ever like the power rangers?: I suffered through others having to watch Power Rangers without fail.  I have brain scars that will never heal.

Disney Channel stars are?: In a different galaxy than me.

Do you say random things at inappropriate times?: I can’t help it, the random responses to random idiocy just happen.  Most people don’t catch it, though.

Do you you have anything locked on your cell phone?: Just my grip around it.  Kidding.  It’s a flip phone, which is a very good thing in my life.  I tend to accidentally throw it more than talk on it, and if it had open buttons I’d be in a lot of trouble because I handle all buttons rather dyslexically and would never get it unlocked.

Do you know anyone who’s name starts with an M?: I’m watching an ad about old people not being able to afford 20 prescriptions, and thanking God I’m getting off most of mine before they kill me.  I’m tired of paying for side effects that are worse than my original problems.

What is a word that you always have trouble spelling?: Lvoe.  I type that one too fast every time.

Do you look like your mom or dad more?: The older I get, the more I look like a dog we once had.  HAHAHAHAHA.  Ok, kidding.  These are boring questions.

Would you ever get an abortion?: We could change this to Would you ever become a person who removes babies?  Not that I really care, but this question seems planted.

Do you eat waffles with syrup?: I don’t think I’ve had a waffle in nearly two years.  Wow.

Would you ever give your child up for adoption?: I’m the sort that could never do that, and I raise a kid of the sort who could.  We’re in a crazy mixed up world.

Do you like spicy food?: Love it, can’t eat it.  Sadness.

Do you like salty food?: No.  Salt kills a good meal faster than anything for me.  It’s amazing how good food tastes without salt all over it.  If you can’t taste your food properly without salt, question whether something might be wrong with you.

Do you like any songs by Stevie Wonder?: I used to think I did.

Are you precious?: Diamonds start out as carbon and they grow in the dark without any attention, and suddenly they wind up riding around on humans who don’t have a clue what the real meaning is behind the symbolism they decorate themselves with.  Diamonds are a dime a dozen.  They are sold as precious.  Makes you wonder how we grade humans.

Do you wear eyeliner?: Allergic.  If I wanna keep eyelashes, I don’t worry about my vanity.

Would you name your child after you?: I very broadly avoided naming my child after ANYONE in the family.

Have you ever been to the mall alone?: You are never alone in the mall.

Did you cry when Michael Jackson died?: I groaned while I watched the earth stop rotating and the sun go dark and people kneel en masse to their decaying king.  Bigger than Christ, bigger than the Pope, bigger than Elvis, biggest memorial service in all the history of humanity, and whadayaknow, the grass is still growing.  No, I didn’t cry.  Yes, I was a fan in the 80′s.  No one has yet mentioned that Paul McCartney went out of his way not to be associated with that service, and that he was ticked at Michael for not letting him buy back some of the original Beatles stuff that they had to sell to pay off taxes.

When’s the last time you lied to your parents?: Who cares.  We’re all old, it doesn’t matter any more.

Would you star in a porno for a million dollars?: I’d rather produce a cute video of my chickens for $5.

Are your hands cold or warm at the moment?: This survey is irking me.  Starting to feel like I need to jump off the deck and see if I can fly or something.  I’ve lost the feeling in my brain, maybe a few stitches would help me get it back.

Do you ever write laugh out loud instead of lol?: Not to sound trite, but I have NEVER used ‘lol’ in any way in a response to anyone because I think it’s about the stupidest trend modern America has ever gone through.

Do you have a backyard?: For everyone reading this who don’t have back yards, yes, I do, and it’s awesome.  Owning land is AWESOME.  Own land as fast as you can before they take that right away from you.

How many bedrooms does your house have?: No one ever asks how many kitchens my house has.  I know people with more than one kitchen.  I am jealous.

Are you kind to others?: The kindest thing I do sometimes is just hide in my cave and let them walk on by, oblivious in their little worlds.

Did you ever like someone and now that you look back on it you go EWWWW?: I’m starting to do that with onion rings.

Do you have any candles in your house?: My feng shui is a tad spartan, but I think it’s economically healthy running only one tea light at a time, unless the electricity is out at 3 a.m. during a tornado warning.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Not an ordinary survey. (Excellent Spelling and Grammar)!

Originally posted on 10-7-08. This is my most favorite survey that I've ever done and still cracks me up.

First of all, how are you today?: I’ve noticed that people who ask me that seriously don’t really want to know.  Especially at church.

Ah, I see. Well, is there something you want to say before we start?: We all automatically say ‘fine’, even though we could have just gotten out of the hospital or are struggling with a broken relationship.  I make it a point to never ask anyone how they are doing because it doesn’t mean anything.  If I really want to know, I’m more specific.

Okay, here we go. Do you use AIM, MSN, YIM, or none of these?: It wouldn’t matter to tell you, I have the entire world blocked except for one person.  I’m the same way with my phones.  The house phones are unplugged and my cell is on silent.  Imagine being truly independent from instantaneous intrusion…  It’s bliss.

Have you ever been so embarrassed that you just wanted to die?: I tend to be the one who embarrasses other people without realizing it.  They want me to just die.

Ever worn a black dress before Labor Day?: I’ve never owned a black dress.  I mourn brightly colored, and romance spectacularly awkwardly.  My fave is wearing lots of white *after* Labor Day.  I’ve made a point of that a few times, was actually corrected by strangers a couple of times.  I find it hard to believe brains are that tiny.

Is ProActiv as great as it looks (doesn’t do squat for me)?: I’ve never had acne.  Probably all those fresh from the garden veggies I was forced to eat growing up.

Do you consider yourself to be confident?: Or brazenly stupid.  Either way, heads turn in awe.

On myspace what APP’s do you use? I splice my own html into it and see how many ways I can wreck up the default.  Sometimes it’s amusingly irreversible.

Have you ever gotten up early just to talk to someone on the internet?: Early blogging is particularly dangerous.  The posts go on forever until I’ve put something into my mouth, preferably hot chocolate.

Don’t you just hate time zones?: I love time zones.  I love latitude and longitude lines.  I love the way the earth curves and spins through space.  I love that time moves at different rates in different parts of the universe.

Do you ever apologize to your enemies?: Enemies are people who go out of their way to disturb me or hurt me.  I will take a good public stoning any day over cowing down to people who ill treat others, just to make a point.  My greatest enemies enjoy this so much that they’ve nearly destroyed themselves doing it, and never seem to realize the greatest harm they do is to themselves.  It gets pretty funny.  I’ve had to learn not to bait the poor souls, it’s just too cruel.

Have you ever created a scene in public just for the fun of it?: Define ‘scene’.  Usually people mean something bad by that.  They say “don’t create a scene”.  The greatest scene ever that I DID create was so subtle that it backfired on me and actually worked, and two middle school kids fell in love with each other over notes I faked and snuck into their lockers.  Sadly, I hadn’t told anyone I did that, so I got no credit for hooking up two incredibly incompatible kids that I was hoping to mortally embarrass.

Most money made at a fundraiser that you attended?: Most contributed refreshments and photojournaling and entertainment out of my own pocket with no compensation.  I support the fundraisers who attend.  Actually, I wouldn’t know how much I’ve raised all together.  I donated piles of antiques to a local fundraiser for a specific person to get an organ transplant, was never told how much that raised.  But no, I’ve never turned in the most cash over all other individuals and teams in any specific fundraising event.

Do you hate social events?: I love social events, I just hate going to them.  Television, youtube, vlogging, all that stuff are great ways for me to live vicariously without having to mingle.

Is it funny when a black person has the last name ‘white’?: There are far funnier last names out there.  Watch a little football or baseball and wonder how the heck people *ever* wound up with names like that.  What’s really funny is a preacher that has a last name that sounds a little too much like a bad word.

Have you ever considered become a CSI?: I think someone with excellent spelling and grammar skills (see self proclaimed title) forgot to proofread.  But back to the answer.  Every parent becomes a seasoned crime scene investigator within a few short years, unless they are determined to elevate their offspring into the status of unbelievable perfection.

Which is better? CSI: New York or CSI: Miami?: *yawn*

Have you ever been convinced that no one loves you?: In spite of what my mother may have believed about herself and the way she saw the world, her simply believing she loved me in no way convinced me that she actually did.  Through her and other relationship experiences, I believe there are a number of people on this earth who have no clue what the heck love really means.  I am convinced certain people don’t love me, despite any protests they might make.  Social gaming is not love.  I guess I was supposed to answer this question from a more paranoid point of view.  Even when my world was darkest in years past, I loved myself enough to get me through, and I think I count.  My child loves me, and that has always counted.  When it comes down to eating dirt and sleeping on rocks, I’ve never needed someone else to love me to survive emotionally.  What it boils down to is who *I* love.  Many people don’t get that’s how to survive, especially in this ‘me’ crazed society nowadays.

Ever dated someone and they left you for someone of the same sex?: That would have been a fantastic way to avoid even worse heartache down the road, too bad that couldn’t have happened.

Do unzipped backpacks bother you (they bother me lol)?: Hardly anything material bothers me.  I’d probably think it was fun walking at an angle to the backpack carrier and trying to see what was in there.

Do you use the word ‘like’ excessively?: I’m trying to cut back on ‘really’.  It’s tough, I’ve been consciously working on it for two months.

If there was a battle between robots and pirates, who would win?: If there ‘were’ a battle…  Define robots, and then define pirates.  Those little floor cleaning robots?  Media pirates?  Spambots loose on the internet?  Pirates hijacking cruise liners and airline flights?  Not much more of a leap to see that modern pirates use ‘bots’ to rip off secure financial info…  They probably even use little avatars with eye patches.

Ever bet money on a horse race?: Get with the times.  The big money is in football picks.  Week after week after week of tense excitement.  Horses just don’t last that long.

Are you brave enough to attack an alligator or crocodile?: I’ve heard all you have to do is hold their mouths shut, but the body slamming would probably kill me.  This is most likely one of those situations in which I wouldn’t be brazenly stupid enough.  I would put bets on someone else doing it, though, grab some quick video with my pocket camera, throw it on youtube, then blog about it.

Do you even know the difference between an alligator and crocodile?: Yes, I actually do, but if someone said “Hey, watch me attack that alligator”, I wouldn’t waste my time correcting that person by saying “Excuse me, that’s a crocodile”.  I’d be busy making bets and filming.  The outcome would undoubtedly be the same.

Have you ever been afraid that you had some disease when you really didn’t?: It’s rather shocking when it turns out you *do* have ‘some disease’.  I’d rather be afraid of thinking I had one and not really than not thinking I had one and *surprise*.

Is science just a different kind of math?: Excellent spelling and grammar just lost all points in my book with this question.  Let us discuss how metering music led to a math discovery that developed into rocket science…

Math is just gibberish, isn’t it?: Yes, that stupid math made blogging and cell phones possible, dang it.  Think about all the gibberish floating over broadband and bouncing off space satellites right now because of math.

Do you hate something that you’re really good at?: I hate half the things I cook, thank goodness.  I love to cook and I’m a really good cook, but if I didn’t have a deep loathing of coconut and nuts and fruit and certain spices and flavors and textures (very aspie here), I’d easily weigh twice what I do.

Does your head ever hurt from thinking too hard?: Thinking hard gets me euphoric.  I’ve read that deep thinking can bring on the equivalent of a ‘runner’s high’.  The brain uses up a bunch of sugar and floods the body with endorphins.  It’s not the same as worrying too hard, you actually have to think, like learning to understand stuff you don’t know.  If brains could compare to a muscle workout, I’d be able to lift a Bowflex like Yoda and make it float around.

Would you deny your beliefs if it saved your life in a certain situation?: You are probably here because someone in your past has done that.  Don’t knock it.  Survival is important, too.  If all the ‘good guys’ voluntarily died every time they didn’t agree with something, this world would be a sadder place.

What would you do if you were a hostage?: What kind of hostage?  Ironically, I’d probably survive because I’m so used to feeling sucky, but if I believed I was going to be killed anyway, I’d be as big a troublemaker as I could screwing everything up before I got killed.

Do you title your Myspace bulletins with song lyrics?:  I avoid making bulletins.  I don’t want the TAPS team to think I’m an idiot.

What is better? Biology or ecology?: Are your excellent spelling and grammar skills screwing up the rest of your ability to actually think?  Let’s aspie this question out.  “-logy” hooked onto the ends of words means “the study of”.  So you are asking me which is better, one angle of study or another.  You know what?  I think you are a failing college student with no hope for a date and trying to validate yourself (and your English or Literature degree) with a holier-than-thou myspace survey.  Get a grip.

Does your face look like you’re wearing foundation when you’re really not?: Gah, then we jump to something this shallow.

Does it annoy you when people thrive on gossip?: I thrive on torturing and killing survey makers.  You are annoying me.

Have you ever been so jealous that you destroyed a persons relationship?: Ten bucks says you have, and it’s nagging at you right now, and you’re annoyed at being the gossip topic about it.

Would you rather burn to death or freeze to death?: I’d rather not ‘to death’ at all.  Dang, we got gloomy here, didn’t we?  I bet someone is making fuzzy navels and contemplating the meaning of life all alone while they are flunking both biology and ecology.

Freezing to death isn’t just falling to sleep. Did you know that?: Humans survived several ice ages.  Contemplate that and go out for some fresh air or something.  You’re wallowing.

Have you ever felt like you were walking on sunshine XD?: I’m not an ‘XD’ person, and I hate that song.

How many meals do you eat a day?: This survey is getting so incredibly inviting for psychoanalysis.  But I’ll ‘bite’, ha.  I eat whenever I feel like it, without thought for calories, bad carbs, or saturated fats.  But I also happen to be medically anorectic at times, so I’ve come through so many years of learning what I *can’t* eat because it makes me feel terrible that I’ve got it all narrowed down to what I ~can~ and how much.  Force of habit, I eat really healthy compared to a large part of the world population.

When you’re on the phone do people often hang up on you?: This is a strange question to be asking.  I’m going to jump in and start guessing that you are quite possibly bipolar or borderline personality disorder and tend to plunge rather haphazardly into sharing immediate feelings a little too exuberantly with others who don’t see eye to eye with you.

Ever dropped the phone when you were talking on it?: One of the many perks of severe untreated fibro with nervous system involvement.  I fumble my phone like a football player having a really bad day.  And silverware, pens, keys…

Would you rather watch the History Channel or Nickelodeon?: The world is getting way too big to narrow things down to a ‘this or that’ choice.  Would you rather watch Comedy Central or the Food Network?  See my point?  Travel Channel or SciFi?  I already went through all this when I did the Nielsen ratings.

Which is better? Spongebob or The Simpson’s?: *walking away to find something to eat*

Have you ever made a contract with someone?: You mean besides the usual financial contract during a big purchase or lease?  I have a feeling this is leading to another big mysterious motivation of some kind for even bringing this up.

Did you know every contract is automatically legally binding?: Please don’t tell me you’re one of those people who has wound up on court tv…

Have you said something horrible to someone and felt bad afterwards?: I think this goes up there with the being hung up on the phone question.  Honestly, this survey is looking like it might quite possibly be the most psychologically skewed ‘confessions of the soul’ thing I’ve ever witnessed.  I have a feeling this one probably even outranks the survey that went on and on about having interracial sex with someone in a church.  What is it about surveys that bring out the personal angst and guilt?

Do you usually get in trouble for major things or minor things?: I’m so curious now what ‘in trouble’ means to this person.  Jail?  Psyche ward?  And what is major vs. minor?  Hiding a body in a dumpster as opposed to swiping someone’s bagel in a restaurant?

Are people with lots of piercings and tattoes really mean?: I’m gonna take it this probable bipolar person who gets in trouble all the time has lots of piercings and tattoos and is now displacing blame on people mistaking the look for the act.

Are first impressions often entirely wrong?: Forget first impressions, this survey is gold.  You, my friend, are seething cauldron of mental and emotional problems.  If you wanna prove otherwise, ask me if I prefer short haired dogs to long haired dogs or something benign like that.

Have you been so scared that you were shaking?: I’m imagining a fully pierced and tattooed person quaking with fear.  It’s pretty funny.

Would you so kill someone if they put you on Scare Tactics?: ‘So kill’?  Ok, nevermind.  We’re way past the weird ‘excellent spelling and grammar’ anomalies.  If someone just ~put me~ on Scare Tactics, they’d never be able to air the show.  I tend to scare people back quite badly when I’m messed with.  It’s an aspie thing.

If you could live on a cloud, would you?: A real cloud, or an imaginary cloud that looks really cool beside an awesome moon in funky fantasy paintings?  I’ll take the painted cloud.

After hearing a juicy secret do you blurt it out to your close buddies?: I always make sure at least one other person knows it so they can back up later that I knew.  If you don’t want secrets told, don’t share them.  For instance, there a couple of things I’d dearly love to know that my mother will be taking with her to the grave, because she never confided those things in anyone, and she’s unable to communicate now because of strokes.  THAT’S how you keep secrets and leave people hanging.

Have you ever given any bug bites on you a name?: We further descend into the pits of survey hell…

Did you know ring worms aren’t really worms?: Did you learn this in biology or ecology?

Did you know that acne is a disease?: As per your ProActiv question earlier, I presume, and possibly the disease question, also.

Did you know the toads/frogs don’t give you warts?: Did you know that stripping your hands of natural defenses by using cleaners all day long on your bare skin can allow warts to grow like crazy?

Did you know that cracking your knuckles does not cause arthritis?: What *does* cause arthritis then, O Knowledgeable One?  And please don’t tell me that eating raw potatoes can cure it.

Have you ever purposely hurt yourself just for attention?: I think maybe the piercings and tattoos might be part of a an internal ritualistic self sabotage you’re using to punish your lonely self with, but I can only guess.  It is, after all, only a survey.

If you found a dead body would you report it or just bury it?: Ok, assuming the body in question is human, here is the crowing jewel of all survey questions, and a real giveaway.  If you ‘found’ a dead body, why would ~you~ bury it?  If this doesn’t scream “I witnessed a murder and I’m terrified to report it”, I don’t know what does.  The only way the confession can come out is in a survey, isn’t it?  Yes, I know, I’m taking this too seriously, but I can hardly believe someone asking me ‘Spongebob or Simpsons’ would make such a Freudian slip about a dead body.  I’m going to get real honest here and admit to you all that I HAVE met people who have killed other people, I HAVE been a part of a chase with the very real possible consequence of me winding up dead and left in the desert, and I HAVE known people who have buried children who have mysteriously died.  Yes, I live a harmless little life *now*, but for a few short years, I was caught up in a very messed up crowd, and this survey sounds so amazingly like a big secret dying to come out that it’s really triggering a lot of memories.  People come up missing all the time.  I wouldn’t be at all surprised if the survey maker’s question about being so scared you shake has something to do with this question.

Do you hate the dentist?: Not any more.  I found a good one.

What about the doctor?: Kinda odd how we reverted to these questions after the ‘finding a body’ question.

Do you hate writing papers in class that ask what you did over the summer?: I can see how that would be a little awkward if you’d witnessed a murder.

Would you jump off a cliff and into the water if you could?: Assuming there is water below, not even then.  I jumped off a small cliff as a child and nearly destroyed my back, so experience speaking loudly here.

Do you have bad gag reflexes?: I have *good* gag reflexes.  Those things keep you from swallowing bugs that accidentally zoom into your throat during a cookout.

Have you ever told someone to just go and die?: I used the words “curl up and die”.

Do you have good grammar but choose not to use it?: Have you ever wondered where ‘good’ grammar actually came from?  After taking a very tough linguistics class in the anthropology department and having to compare several different languages over the eons, it seems to me that what we think of as ‘good’ grammar nowadays is simply formalized language usage as governments and the wealthy have taken over the world.  Grammar itself is as built into the human brain as migration is in birds’ brains.  Otherwise, how would we talk to one another?  Oh, excuse me, ‘speak’.  Proper formalized usage there.

Have you ever made a fake profile on any website?: As wide and varied as all my blogs have been, I have never really faked who I am with the exception of mRpl.

What age did you or your family first get a computer?: I remember getting my first computer in college.  At the time the bulky ’desktop’ held an astounding 256 K’s of memory.

Do you get annoyed when people make fun of your beliefs?: No one is quite sure what I really believe.

If you believe in something, you’ll get criticized for it. True or false?: And if you ~don’t~ believe in something, you’ll get criticized for it.

Last time you were actually thankful for what you have?: Just yesterday I was so thankful I can actually still walk across my house and do my dishes.  It’s been over a year since the initial grade 5 internal disc disruption, and the pain still gets pretty bad, but I’m mobile enough to get around my house without a wheelchair, and I’m grateful for that.

Would you jump off a bridge with your friends if it was fun?: Heck no, I’d be the one putting their screams on youtube.

Do you floss then brush, brush then floss, or both?: Now see, this is getting into the nitty gritty of really surveying my life.  I brush, then floss, then swish with something.  Scott does it completely reversed on the advice of a dentist, but my teeth are lasting longer.  I’m sure that actually has nothing to do with it.  Hey, did you know (yes, you, survey maker) that keeping your teeth clean still doesn’t save you from complete gum recession and the loss of all your teeth if it’s in your genetic makeup for that to happen?

Have you ever flossed with something other than dental floss?: During a popcorn emergency, anything will do.

Does it break your heart to disect an animal?: I have butchered and eaten many pets in my lifetime.  What breaks my heart is seeing people ill treat their animals and children either through abuse or neglect.  Odd how cutting up something dead can bother us more than slapping something alive around, or letting it sit in muck with no food.

Are band uniforms sexy?: Only if they have stripes down the leg and plumage in the hats.

Were you ever in a marching band?: I actually got to design marching band uniforms for our local high school.    I’ve been pretty involved with the local community in the past.

Do you hate uniform (I know I do)?: Work uniforms suck, but scrubs are cool, and so are officer uniforms and football uniforms.  I hate baseball uniforms.

If you could kill one to save a thousand would you do it?: One what?  A thousand what?  If I kill someone’s pet cat in my yard to save my pet chickens and the wild birds at my feeders, heck yeah.

Would you not divorce your spouse because it would hurt the kids (if any)?: I divorced my first husband to SAVE my child.  Let’s not be so small minded.

Do you hate it when people call you ‘baby’ or ‘sweetie’?: Yeah, you know, it’s really weird when some little 20 year old at a register calls me ‘hun’ or ‘sugar’ or something, I feel like it’s condescending.  I’m not feeble minded ~yet~ people.  I guess it’s better than being called idiot or stupid.

If there is a spider in a room, will you just not go in that room?: I’m in no mood to discuss spider strategies.  It’s been a bad spider year.

How would you feel if you were to be isolated your whole life?: Get back to me after 20 isolated years and I’ll let you know.  You’re starting to sound like an on the scene news journalist.

Do you believe in curses and spells?: I laugh.  People are afraid of me and I don’t even do those things.  I don’t do *anything* but look into people’s souls and know the truth.  They don’t like that.  As for curses, my life has already gone far beyond what anyone has ever wished on me, aside from death, but I’m heading there eventually anyway.  I once told God to protect me, curse those who curse me twice back on their own heads, and I have every confidence that anyone sticking little pins in dolls behind my back is only hurting themselves doing it.  Like I said, I laugh.

If you were married, would you rather die before or after your spouse?: It’s funny how Scott and I both assume the other is going to go first.

Would you say that you have had a rough life?: I won’t reiterate, but rougher than most.

Do you hate it when someone cuts into one of your conversations?: When it gets to the point where the conversation never even gets off the ground because of the continual sporadic interruptions, it’s time to hurt someone.  ADD husband, aspie wife.

Have you overdosed on medicine by accident?: I OD’d on Liquiprin when I was a toddler.  Back in the old days that was patented liquid aspirin, now I think the brand name has been taken over by Tylenol and it’s an acetaminophen suspension now.

How about on purpose?: Have you ever eaten an entire box of cereal in one day and then realized each serving had 100% of your daily supply of iron?  There should be iron warnings on every cereal box.

Are bugs cool or do they just disgust you (I think they’re cool =])?: As long as they stay outside and don’t crawl on me they’re fine.

Do you act more like the opposite sex?: I couldn’t act like Scott if I tried.

How would you descripe reptiles?: Ah, there’s that excellent spelling.  I need not describe reptiles, this isn’t a wikipedia entry.

Make-up has some icky ingrients in it. Did you know that?: Imagine how much ickier it used to be before federal regulation.

If something you used had bat poop in it would you use it?: International wars have been fought over bat poop.  It is refined into many products.

Well, then. Stop using make-up XD. Would you stop using it?: First of all, let’s stop using the XD.  (If you’re not ‘hip to the groove’, as they say, I looked it up for you.  Scroll down for modern computer usage. XD – Wiktionary )  Second of all, I’m not vain or worried enough to care about makeup that much in the first place.  Third of all, I’m not a gut reacting sissy pants over bat poop.  Weren’t we talking about finding a dead body earlier?

What if someone you hated said they loved you?: This is how much I don’t care. :edit: Thank goodness someone uploaded this bit again.

Have you ever gotten a gift but never accepted it?: Don’t give me gifts.  I throw them away.

If your ex came up and said they were sorry, would you forgive them?: He would be dead before the words could come out of his mouth, because I know he would be packing and have an ulterior motive.  You don’t survive by being stupid.

Do you drink energy drinks?: I avoid them.  They are corporate scams to get your money.

If so, which is your favorite?: Here, drink this teeny tiny bottle of stuff for only $5….

In class, do you take every extra credit opportunity (if there is one)?: I coasted through on test scores.

Have you ever applied for a scholarship?: I dislike scholarships.  I was in on judging a scholarship award through our local retail chain one year, and that was so much crap it was incredible.  The kid who really needed and earned it was jilted for a kid not ~exactly~ related to anyone in the store and already had the money, if you get my drift.  I was so upset I couldn’t talk to management for several days.  I don’t even know what the point of having me on the judging panel was.

Would you move into a haunted mansion if you could?: My house is already a little haunted.  It’s a little terrifying to sleep alone here if you’re not used to it.

Are there mean ghosts and good ghosts?: Good ghosts wake you up before a big spider crawls on you.

Do you even believe in ghosts?: We don’t know if this is a ghost or something else, and there is/was probably more than one.  A couple moved out with the kids.

Are there questions really predictable (I hope not)?: What?  Do you mean ‘these’ instead of ‘there’?  Depends.  If you mention anything about how I bathe or what color my eyes are, I’ll fling you out a window.

If you had to be a mythological creature, which one would you be?: If I ‘had’ to be…  I’m *choosing* if I ‘had’ to be.  This is the kind of thinking that drives the aspie in me insane.  I’m pretty sure I’d be a dragon breathing fire on you right now, and that through my nostrils because I’m sitting here so bored.

Do you say ‘Italian’ as I-talian or It-alian?: You’re kidding…

Is it possible to tame a wild animal?: Here we go, another lead into an emotionally driven personal issue.

Do you feel bad for circus animals?: I feel bad for pets in general.

Do you like those circus animals cookies with the frosting and sprinkles?: Not the sprinkles.  Never the sprinkles.

Those are the best ^_^! Anyway, what’d you get for your last birthday?: I was so drugged out of my mind I don’t remember.  I’ll have to ask Scott.

Do you have high expectations of yourself?: I’m cool with letting myself off the hook quite a bit.  Life is too short for self imposed grind stoning. 

Why did you come to take this survey (thanks, by the way ^_^)?: I stole it thinking it would be more intelligent than this, but c’est la vie.

Would you have a pet that could eat you?: If I die in the chicken pen and no one finds me, my pets will eat me.

Do you find amusement in people hurting themselves?: I take no joy in stupidity.

Do you know someone with an extra ‘Y’ chromosome (the criminal gene)?: I take no joy in stupidity.

Do you believe in reincarnation?: I believe part of the problem believing in it is that we are so small minded that we can’t imagine reincarnation being a nonlinear set of experiences, and thus assume it is tied to this earth and some sort of spiritual progression for some reason.

Do you respect other peoples beliefs and opinions?: I just bashed the small minded back there, oopsie.

Have you ever punched someone in the face because you hated their beliefs?: Egads.  This after feeling sorry for circus animals and broken hearted about dissecting dead things.  Is there EVER rhyme or reason to these surveys?

Do you stand up for what is right? People don’t like me doing that.  Especially in church.

Do your teachers decorate their classrooms?: Scott bought me a Great Pumpkin t-shirt the other day.  Does that count?

Do you make fun of almost everyone?: Only in surveys.

Is flirting fun?: Not for the recipient stuck in a menial job.

Are you the one that will find the cure for AIDS?: Everyone staying home a lot more would cure way more stuff than we can possibly imagine.

Would you be scared if there was an epidemic?: Well, let’s see, I spent 6 weeks last holiday season being deathly ill from a common virus and spent the entire spring convalescing from the severe fatigue, so as you can imagine, I’m a total germ phobe now.  I will meet you at the door with a stick if you knock.

What about a pandemic?: I’m going to tell you something true and interesting.  The majority of the people who died from the Black Death (the Bubonic Plague) were healthy males.  Anemic old people and females survived at much higher rates.  Read Survival of the Sickest: A Medical Maverick Discovers Why We Need Disease.  We can laugh about it in a cute little survey, but I guarantee if the word ‘pandemic’ scares you, you WILL like this book and find it very useful.

There’s a book called ‘Pandemic’…you should so read it!: Better yet, read this article.  10 Lifesaving Tips for Surviving a Killer Flu Pandemic  I love this quote.  “Desperate, panic stricken people are arguably even more dangerous than the virus.”  I have been saying that for years…  My advice?  If people around you are getting *sick*, STOP SHOPPING.  I can’t get over how many people get in their cars and go shop during every single crisis that comes up.  If you aren’t prepared NOW, you could die later.  I’m sure I’m preaching to the mindless.  Nevermind, you’re all gonna die anyway, just carry on with your lives.

Do you feel bad if someone asks you out and you turn them down?: I’m generally very polite about it.  I think.  It’s hard to tell, I’m aspie.

Would you ever date someone just because you feel bad for them?: Geez, that’s a bad memory deep in the ol’ soul.  Thanx a lot.

Have you ever dated someone just because you felt sorry for them?: Did you just hiccup?  Are you drinking?  Oh, yeah, I figured out it was probably fuzzy navels.

Have you ever seriously thought that you were going to die?: A few times.  Ok, a number of times.  Gimme a break.

Do you like odd numbers or even numbers better?: Do you ever get the feeling that numbers actually have a much deeper meaning than words, and that the numbers we feel emotionally entwined with could tell us more about ourselves than any divination?  Sorry, sorry about that.  *stuffing the synesthesia back into the box*  But do you?

What is your definition of the word ‘wasted’?: Who cares?  haha  Get it?

Doesn’t it just tick you off when messenger messes up?: Mine totally freezes my hard drive and I have to reboot.  Part of the reason the whole world is blocked.

Have you ever created something and then destroyed it?: I’ve thrown a couple of cakes out, yeah.

If you created something do you have the right to destroy it?: Huh?  Don’t tell me you’re gonna go all scifi on me now.  You don’t seem that capable.

Have you ever made any embarrassing spelling mistakes?: I’ve never put out a survey entitled Excellent Spelling and Grammar and then made typos, if that’s your point.    Geez, too bad I can’t go comment on this question to the survey maker.

Dumbest mistake you’ve ever made on your homework paper(s)?: Dumb and costly errors are the spice of life.  What’s really fun is working online and accidentally deleting your entire project without warning, or tying up the network satellite imaging printer for 27 hours with some inanely horrendously stupid command error.

What is your favorite artificial flavor?: Nada.  I only do real vanilla, I don’t care what the cost is.

Do you know someone who hates chewing gum?: I don’t care.

Have you ever said anything aloud that embarrassed someone?: All the time, but unlike the standard blurting, it’s more like something I think is funny skewing dangerously into a wall and crashing an entire room into silence, and I usually have no clue why.

So far, have you lied on this survey? Be honest!: Why would I lie?  Oh, wait.  Ok, I see what you mean.  I’ve never actually *killed* a survey maker.

Do you like it when those of the opposite sex are ‘mysterious’?: That’s a good way to wind up married to a pedophile.  Just calling it like I’ve lived it, folks.  Not making fun of mysterious people being pedophiles.

Curiosity killed the cat. Is that right?: I’m not dead yet.

Do cats really have 9 lives (mine has more than that lol)?: Why a cat is believed to have nine lives

Survey is over. Say something, quick!: Thank goodness.

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