the smooshed together survey

Originally posted on 2-9-13.

I'm smooshing together and totally redoing a couple of ancient surveys I found from 2007 on a retired private blog, some of these questions are worth revisiting.  (:edit: 5-10-14 I just destroyed all the video codes fixing a single typo in this survey #sadpanda I forgot that the Xanga migration rewrote the video codes and the only way they stayed intact was NOT TOUCHING THEM, so I'll come back later and replace them. I'm sorry, I saw this post getting hit a bit lately, and one typo sucked me in... Give me a few days, I'm on vacation right now. Sorry.)

1. You're in the hospital, who on your top 8 comes to visit you

Please don't jinx me and say I'm in the hospital... I used to have the Priceline Negotiator in my top 8 on one of my old myspaces, might be a little weird if he came to see me. Even scarier, his daughter...
 (wow, remember when people fought over being in the top 8?)
(:edit: 5-15-15 I can't believe I missed transferring this survey, I guess it was too disheartening to face for awhile. You know what? Let's find that video!) (Better yet, here is the banned one!)


2. If alcohol were banned, what would your reaction be?

There goes my fave Listerene, 'real' vanilla, and Port Wine cheese balls. I think I'd be pretty ticked. I know, what the crap! I lead with a COMMERCIAL??? I promise you guys, I'm not being paid to do that, I just really have this thing for the Priceline Negotiator. Like Bruce Campbell says-



3. You cd collection is reposessed. you can keep one?

My luck I'd be stuck with something like TV Theme Songs from the 70's. Repo'd? Who thinks of questions like this? Do people still melt their cd collections in hot cars?

4. Do you believe world peace is possible?

I believe we already have world peace. Think about it. 90% of about 8 billion people are pretty peaceful. It's the other 10% that just don't 'get' it. THEY keep trying to disrupt world peace. I blame the Goa'uld.

5. I'm a genie. Name your wish.

I am so ready for this weird ladybug infestation to be over. They are on *everything*. Yeah, you think they're cute, you've never had a thousand ladybugs inside your house. This little guy was nearly in my mouth before I noticed him.



6. Name one thing about the opposite sex that turns you off?

I've never understood the whole Elvis Presley thing, but I really really REALLY want a Flying Elvi t-shirt.



7. Name one thing about the opposite sex that automatically turns you on?

At the risk of turning this one question into an entire survey of its own, let's just please note that Andrew Lee Potts is AWESOME, and if you wanna see more of what he's doing *right now*, you need to click on the twitter linx I'm about to provide.

He was nerdy cool in Primeval.


I like his Hatter waaaaaayyyyyy better than Johnny Depp's. Gah, there are so many good Hatter vids, it was really hard to choose just one. Fans do incredible stuff on youtube.


And Andrew Lee Potts is making a film that you can all practically live follow the progress of on Stolen Light Film on Facebook and Stolen Light Film on Twitter and Stolen Light Film on Tumblr. There is no excuse to miss this, here's your teaser. Stolen Light - Teaser 1 on Vimeo So if you want more live updates on what Andrew Lee Potts is doing, be a good fan and follow these other twitters, too.

Andrew Lee Potts on Twitter
Keychain Productions on Twitter

:edit: 5-17-15 And now he's got his Wireless web series going. You're welcome. Click the pic to see the cool new website.

8. Speaking of same sex, what did you think about Brokeback Mountain?

Ok, that's so outdated that I have to change it. What do y'all think of Merthur? Or Brolin, as some are wont. (For the less well read, wont is a real word.) If you don't like gay stuff, skip this question and go on to number 9, thanx. I thought this vid was just darn cute, and the fan who put it together did some really brilliant editing.


9. What are you obsessive about?

Proper comma placement. Oh, what the heck, that's all going out the door with twitter, right? Life is too short to twitter stress, just hash it up and throw it out there in 140 characters or less.

10. Leather face is in the kitchen. (the guy from texas chainsaw massacre)

He can kill that big spider and do my dishes while I continue watching the Web Soup marathon on G4. I am quietly dying inside over whether all that E3 and Comic-Con coverage will be parceled out to other media vendors now or what, but we're talking HOURS AND HOURS of possible lost coverage. *tears* *catching my breath* Back to Web Soup with Chris Hardwick to assuage my angsty feels. (In case you got lost in all that, G4 is rebranding soon.)


I did not know what the heck was up with Chris talking about his 'ex-wife Barbara' on the show until I got a twitter account and she followed me. 'Barbara', for the rest of you who don't get it yet, is Ann Sandretto, and if you wanna know more you can look her up yourself.



11. Do people underestimate you?

Nearly every single super awesome scifi series ever made about earth destruction, takeover, and sheer human survival has been canceled. What are the odds that Defiance will also be canceled? And people not having a clue will go to look it up and run right into a film about Jewish brothers escaping from the Nazis instead of a multi-platform shooter MMO that interconnects with a global television program on Syfy... Personally, the mangled Arch in the graphics is freaking me out. I've been up at the top of the St. Louis Arch, it's *terrifying*.



12. When you're in a bad mood, what will always put you in a better mood?

Offer me food. Never fails. And I like watching the weather screen on my phone at night when I can't sleep. I can pick a city and watch it rain or snow or glide over the clouds in the moonlight.



13. Honestly, do you talk about myspace in real life?

The old 2007 answer- "It's scary when someone walks up to me and tells me what they negatively commented on someone else's myspace just before that person shows up to a party at my house. Yeah, myspace can be pretty volatile and must be negotiated delicately." Ok, that really happened, and it got ten times worse when facebook came along (imagine me living next door to in-laws, yeah...). I'm not sure that it's psychologically healthy for people to get so wrapped up in using technology for their interpersonal interactions, so maybe it's best if I just nip this question in the bud and tell all the wandering souls reading this that I love you, I know it sux and none of it is fair, and I think you're awesome. I suck at facebook because I hardly ever go over there, but I find that much less stressful than feeling compulsed to check it all the time. I truly dig not getting comments, even when a post gets over a thousand hits. I'm like the magazine you find lying around at the doctor's office, you pick it up and read it, sometimes you tear a recipe or coupon out, and then you walk away. The best magazines are the ones that look the most shredded, am I right? And then you get all frustrated that the end of an article is missing, or someone tore out the joke page. Speaking of that, I try to go back and check youtubes every little bit and replace them if they don't work any more. I'm cool that way.

14. Have you met someone online in person?

Every time I go to the fitness center, locker #17 is empty, so that's the one I always get. I'm about ready to claim it as my own and tape up pictures of my boyfriend. That's right, I *finally* caught Scott in his underwear. Despite knowing my intentions, all he could moan about was how fat his back looks, but dang, he's pretty hot for a guy his age. Now you can see what the big deal is when he walks around distracting me. All the cougars passing by in the locker room will gasp in shock but secretly be jealous.



15. What do you hope to have accomplished by the end of the school year?

I keep getting app promos for Candy Crush Saga and I fear that if I fall for that, I'll abandon everything else I'm doing and disappear. I got pretty caught up in Cascade one year until I was literally shaking from the super intensity I was able to focus into. Click the pic to go to the app for droid.



16. Do you believe minimum wage should be raised?

I'm actually thinking about the word 'carafe' at the moment. It doesn't sound as graceful out loud as it looks in print, but I think it's a better word than 'coffee pot'. I wonder if everyone I know will think I'm a dork if I start referring to our coffee pot as a carafe. I think more than one person will automatically have to say something about a giraffe after I do. Funny what a big deal something this little is.

17. Do you have any really crazy relatives?

Literally or figuratively? There are both, but I'm curious what we're looking for here, some kind of tongue in cheek or some admission of family genetics gone bizarrely awry. I'm the one with the chickens, and if it weren't for this nasty cold weather, allergies, and a rabid fear of spiders, I'd probably be hanging out in the chicken house with my girls (my peeps, haha) right now because Scott wired it for electric. Cool, huh? #crazychickenlady



18. Pretend you're 15 deep in beers. Describe what you would be doing?

If they were in those tiny little "baby" mugs like you used to be able to get from A&W, I'd be passing around tiny little root beers to all my friends and loved ones. I really actually own one of those. They are so cute.



19. Does everyone in your life know the real you?

They are terrified to know the real me. The real me never seems to shut up. That's probably why I'm doing so well on twitter... Being on twitter is kinda like being part of the Borg, all the tweeting going on all the time, being part of a Collective, all our minds tied into timelines and 'feed', we're never alone. You can follow me on twitter at PinkyGuerrero on Twitter.

20. Last thing you said about a guy/ girl?

If I were ever being tortured for important information like my passwords, I would never be able to remember them. I'm one of those people who meticulously creates wild and crazy passwords that I constantly have to look up. But what I ~could~ do is easily rattle out my lengthy library card account number. I've typed it in so many times over the years that it could almost be my own name. I'm only saying this because I can't remember what the last thing was I said about anybody. That kind of stuff tends to fall right out of my head.

21. What is the most ridiculous fear you have?

That I might have a spider riding on my head at any given point in time. Don't laugh, this has really happened. After a softball game one night, a teenage turantula jumped off my head into my bathwater with me. I never sat on or leaned against the bleachers the rest of the season. It's terrifying to think you can't really feel something that big on your head the whole trip home in a car. I wear ballcaps now, yeah, like duh, THAT'S what they're for...

22. Do you know anyone in prison?

'Twitter jail' cracks me up. You hit an hourly or daily limit and suddenly you can't tweet any more, but experienced users just switch to alt accounts and keep going. The only thing I can think to compare twitter to that makes sense for people who don't have it is like being able to hear the baseball game on the radio when you're stuck in traffic, or like being able to have multiple conversations with several people all at once while you also read the paper and watch tv, there is no other media that so immediately connects you to everything that is happening right *now* that you are interested in. Like the Superbowl blackout. That. was. awesome.

Sorry, I get a little carried away with twitter talk. Here, have a scary video to finish melting your mind. Close your eyes and plug your ears if you don't want to suffer brain damage.


23. When is the last time you ate Peanut butter and jelly?

I'm allergic. Hey, have you guys seen The Americans? Scott got so freaked out he started thinking maybe all our neighbors are Russians spying on us. I reminded him the tv show is set in the 1980's. Probably doesn't help that we marathoned through all 8 seasons of 24 again a couple of years ago. Wonder if there are still any good Jack Bauer videos hanging around youtube... Oh, here we go, hadn't seen this one yet.




24. When did you last have a home cooked meal?

I'm having trouble wanting to eat this week, hoping it's just a bug. Hurt weird all over, kinda rubbery, nothing sounds good. Scott had to go pick up his own Superbowl munchies this year. Sorry, no food pix this round.

25. Have you ever gotten naked at a party?

Here's the latest ultrasound my oldest got just today! I've never been a gramma before, but I have chickens and I think that will make me the cool one to come visit. Scott is already planning out a trip to take both the girls and their kids to the big Star Wars thing that Disney will have, but it might be a few years. Gotta finish manufacturing the new humans and get them somewhat functional first.



26. Name who you miss.

I am always blown away at how far people will go. I mean, LARPing South Park??? (:edit: 5-18-15 I obviously filled out this survey before South Park did any kind of 3D and there were actually still videos of fans acting out South Park before everyone in the world started copying South Park going 3D or before the latest games came out or cosplaying, so instead, have a cute fan-made mashup. Actually, that was so awesome, I'm sticking a second one in by the same person.)



27. Are you named after a grandparent?

I have answered this so many times in surveys, will you people please stop naming your kids after grandparents? It's apparently bugging quite a few survey creators.

28. Who loves you?

My chickens think I'm the bomb. I wish I was twitter linked to their little minds and could catch what they were thinking in a timeline feed.

29. Do you throw up gang signs?

Better watch yourself, never know when you're going to get sucked into a time vortex and run into this guy.



30. Have you ever broken a rib?

If I did, no one has ever known. We didn't go to doctors much growing up, and my parents didn't tolerate puny whiners. I could be mangled by a crazed farm animal and still have to go do my chores. I stepped barefoot on a copperhead once. I'm no wimp. Yeah, it wasn't on purpose. Snake was just as freaked out as I was, zoomed like the snake devil was after it while I cleared a 4 foot gate.

31. Last song you heard?

I just found this on youtube, I wanna see it really bad. Comes out in June 2013.


32. What was the last thing you ate?

Oh, people people people. Chocolate chip cookie dough. THAT'S RIGHT, I'm making cookies!!!! I multitask like a maniac. It's really sad that I can't just hand you one through your screen as a thank you for visiting my site. Thank you, though, I really appreciate you stopping by.

33. How do you feel RIGHT now?

Waaaay better than yesterday. Remember I couldn't answer the what's the last thing you ate question? And I said I wouldn't have any food pix this time? Guess what...



34. Have you driven anywhere today?

Ok, that was cruel. But I really do make the awesomest chocolate chip cookies ever. Hot, soft, melty gooey chocolate chips....

35. Whats your hair like?

This is the first pony tail I've had in about 5 years, growing it out. There was a time it was over two feet long, lately it's been short and fun. Kind of in a transition stage right now. You can easily find the t-shirt by putting 'Wesley Crushers t-shirt' in your search bar. A young lady at my bank cracked the biggest smile when I walked in, great way to tag the nerdy people in your life, just wear a cool tee.



36. Would you ever work for the border patrol?

Scott checks the yard for what the neighborhood dogs leave behind. I get full reports with great enthusiasm about how he's going to get even.

37. Who's car were you in last?

My own. And since this question is so boring, I'll tell you a true story from my old car days. Our former neighbor, well off older man with a nice house, traveled a lot, also into wood carving and composting, but he had a terrible time with mice getting into his house. An entire nest of them lived under the compost pile he so carefully nurtured. After he died and the compost pile croaked off, the mice moved around a bit, and one got into the trunk of my car somehow and made a nest, which we didn't find until later. I drove into town one morning, stopped in at McDonald's, was inside eating my breakfast when customers stood up shouting, Look, a *mouse*! And I looked up to where everyone was pointing out the window, and sure enough, there was this big monster mouse running across the parking lot toward the building, and of course, I can clearly see that if he's going in a straight line, he must have come from MY car. omg. So I quietly finished my breakfast and left as quickly as possible and have wondered ever since then whether that McDonald's had to go through an extra inspection and pricey extermination over me bringing the biggest mouse anyone ever saw into town unawares.

38. Where did u go?

Oh, I had no idea the above question would be continued. I'm so glad now that I entertained you, because this one would have had no answer.

39. What High School are you going to?

I'm surprised to find myself running with a twitter gang, and I'm not sure there's a way out. I think I made it through initiation, not sure when I'll have to get the tattoo and cut off someone's thumb, but it's nice to belong, and I get perks all over their territory, and you can, too, come play with us! Click the banner to go check it out.




40. Are you going to homecoming?

With my last batch of chickens I was able to figure out who laid which eggs, but I'm having a tougher time with this bunch. See that pretty speckled one? No idea, but I'm pretty sure it's not T'Pol's because she's not a heavy laying breed and we get one of these nearly every day. I'm betting it's Myka's, she's a production cross called an Indian River. The rest I'm pretty sure about.



41. Have you ever been in an interracial relationship?

I used to have this duck... I got a kick out of how badly the hens beat the crap out of him, but it never stopped him from trying again, over and over and over. I caught one of their fights on camera and put it on a youtube called Menage a Trois Gone Awry and didn't realize for years that it got all those hits because people thought it was a sex video. Sorry, it's gone now. I'm dumb and deleted it.

42. Is your birthday on a holiday?

I was born on United Nations Day, which is one day after Weird Al's birthday.

43. Are you old enough to vote?

There was no vote, the groundhog said spring WILL come early this year, and no one can stop it. He's probably part of a crime fighting group hellbent on stopping an evil overlord conspiring to force us all into submission. I say Go Groundhog, yeah!



44. Do you have any friends or family in the war right now?

The best way to eat bbq ribs is right over the pan they just cooked in. I just stopped and ate some. Live action survey here, folks! Ew. Oh, nevermind, that's just sauce on my keyboard. Little bit sticky now. And yes, I know people in the military. They rock. I hope they get awesome bbq ribs, too.



45. Are you a vegitarian?

No, but I'm an excellent speller. I do like vegetables, though.

46. Do you worry about global warming?

I worry more what's going to happen when I am forced to drive an electric car and desperately need a recharge and I'm still a mile from my house in very inclement weather. It'll be as fun as running out of gas all the time. I'm answering this question while I watch Nemo coverage on the weather channel.

47. Do you like polar bears

I've heard that if you eat polar bear liver it will kill you because the vitamin A is so toxic. So if I have to eat a polar bear, I will probably stick to the filet mignon part.

48. Do you like alligators?

I have eaten alligator tail, and somewhere there is an alligator running around with a stub. I feel sorta bad about that.

49. Which of the Marley brothers do you like best?

I wanna change this. Which of The Sklar Brothers do you like best? I tend to go for glasses.



50. What slang word do you call marijuana?

Ha, this survey was written by a teenager on pot. How funny.

51. Do you have to get your wisdom teeth out?

No, but I bet you do, you rascally survey creator. Ask me if I've ever had heart surgery or something.


52. Ashley or Mary-Kate?

Kathy Griffin This pot smoking survey creator with a wisdom teeth problem has a crush on the Olsen twins. Of all the things I've ever put into a survey that could lose me followers, it's probably Kathy, but it's not like I inundate you people with her, so jump down to 53 if this annoyed you.



53. Do you wear your sweetie's clothes?

My sweetie crawls under the car and climbs all over the roof, there is no way I'm putting those clothes on. I fuss at him a lot for bringing spiders in. They hitchhike in and drop off in the kitchen as he walks by me, can't tell you how many times this has actually happened, and even though he might have *just* got back from deer hunting through all kinds of brush and wilderness, he never believes he's the one bringing spiders in.

54. Do you have a tan?

If you're into white Irish actor/directors named Eoin, there's a whole pinterest full of him at Eoin Macken. If you wanna know more go to his site at Blank Canvas Pictures. I'm mostly doing this because I like to irritate him, he retweeted me the other day, and I made a new friend on twitter because of it.



55. Where were you one hour ago?

Just one? Probably in the kitchen looking for something to eat.

56. Life.. how do you feel about it?

It sux, but I don't care. What the heck, I'll take it anyway. I kind of think pain is what drives us and makes us human, and I defy some wimpy alien to come inhabit THIS body.... BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

57. Have you ever logged on to your bf/gf/crush's Myspace page?

Scott is so paranoid he won't even let me watch him type in a password to one of his fantasy football teams so I won't be able to sabotage them after he took my team over and made me LOSE. >=l

58. Which do you enjoy more: Soccer or Hockey

I think I'm at zero on both. There is no 'more' than the other. However, I'm interested in Celebrity Soccer 6 because Team Merlin was at and near the top the last two years, and that's Team Merlin from the tv show Merlin, not the plane and helicopter stuff. You can get updates from SoccerSix on Twitter "The worlds biggest celebrity football tournament. 2013 dates coming soon!" SoccerSix recently retweeted me, too, pretty cool.



59. Name someone you love.

This is the other grandbaby under construction, 13 weeks.



60. Would you rather have a million dollars or true love?

I've already got the true love, working on the million bucks.

61. Which of your MySpace friends has a naughty piercing?

Every time I see the word MySpace in this survey I have flashbacks to what the world was like before facebook. MySpace was so a hundred years ago. That was even before I started following Wil Wheaton on twitter. I started following Anne (his wife) last month because I discovered it adds so much more depth to Wil's tweets. That very tweet Wil made right there is the one that compelled me to follow Anne on twitter, I couldn't imagine what he was talking about.



62. Is your boyfriend/girlfriend a marine?

"Scott is a workhorse. He is TOUGHER than a marine. He can carry a hundred pound river rock up a hill and then go get another one, and do this for a couple of hours before he even stops to get a drink. And he's not even a great big muscley guy." --Ok, I wrote that 6 years ago, before he wound up having hernia surgery...

63. Are you currently in a relationship?

I *nearly* got Xander Bennett's book Cages for 2 cents on Amazon.com last November. That's right 2 pennies. I'm sure it was a typo. The order went through just fine, $4.01 with shipping, got notice of a ship date 3 days later, waited and waited and waited... Finally contacted Amazon in January and said Hey, whadup, didn't get my book, so they refunded. I looked it up again, discovered there are both new and used copies going for over $100 (one is currently at $169). Granted, some new and used are still under $40 (I got a good used one for about $30), but I think maybe those sellers just aren't aware other sellers are asking for way more because it's out of print. And I think the 2 cent seller I accidentally found must have panicked when my order came through and saw the 2 cent thing, held onto the book, entered a fake ship invoice, and sat back waiting for me to be refunded. It's all kind of funny, too bad it didn't slip on through, because I would have loved being able to say I got it for 2 cents. I asked Xander if he gets anything at all out of the copies going for over $100, he said not a dime from anyone. I looked up the publisher, they went out of business in 2010, and I'm thinking what a good lesson I'm learning for my own future. Mainly, if my publisher crashes, buy the books back up myself and relist them for collector prices because they're rare and out of print... Anyway, Cages is a cool story in the form of a bound comic (Melanie Cook illustrated), would love to see it as a movie, and here's a teaser.



64. Would you rather date someone 2 years younger or older?

I always sucked at dating. It was such a relief to get married and not have to go through the angst of dating any more. The few times in the past that I thought of divorce, just the fleeting thoughts of having to date again were enough to move my contentment back up a few notches. Way past that now, Scott and I went out on a date to AutoZone this morning and it was pretty awesome. It's nice being best friends. (:edit: Scott is 5 years older than me, by the way.)

65. What's your favorite junk food?

Coffee. I know that's weird. I can have only half a cup a day because I'm so hypersensitive to caffeine, so I buy really nice expensive coffee for a beautiful experience.

66. Who was the last person who messaged you?

A twitter friend. I am ~really~ digging this commercial. :edit: Since this survey is pre Pinky Stuff, I have no idea what commercial that might have been. The Xanga server transfer did such a thorough job of wiping vids that there weren't even broken codes left laying around for hints. Here is one of my all time faves.


67. Do you know what your wearing the 1st day of school?

I just had a sobering thought. You know how it's always happy hour somewhere in the world? It's always the first day of school or training somewhere in the world.

68. Are you taller than 5'6?

Fernando doesn't seem too worried about it.


Let's have a good day!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

:edit: 5-17-15 Just wanna add that this particular survey was so code smashed that it took me an extra year to even face it, and I am rebuilding it line by line just to make it legible again with real videos, because this is important to me. I know no other way to thank all the cool people making awesome gifs, cartoons, youtubes, artwork, and everything else on the internet that keeps me going.


This is for all the people reading the internet in the dark because they can't sleep, or hanging on during the day while they're feeling alone waiting for time to pass. I'm with you. I am one of you.


We can do this, guys.

I Try To Excercise My Demons, But They’ve Gotten Out Of Shape. -survey

Originally posted on 10-21-12.

from Bzoink – I Try To Excercise My Demons, But They’ve Gotten Out Of Shape.-survey

How often do you take painkillers?

Almost never. I am the T800 of the pain world. Too many med allergies and adverse reactions.

Are they prescribed?

Yep, but I can’t do meds, I just deal. You know, like fantasize about poking blunt wire coat hangars into my spine for homemade acupuncture. I don’t really do it, that would actually hurt more. I think the visual bullies my nervous system into submission so I won’t faint or throw myself over the railing.

Do you curse in average conversations?

‘Cursing’ loses so much of its value if you use it in average conversations. I shock people silly because I do it so rarely, they really pay attention. And isn’t that how words are supposed to be, powerful and meaningful?

Do you own any leather?

Leather is cooler when it’s worked by real Native American women through a special program enabling them to make some money. Southwest Indian Foundation – Navajo, Zuni, and other native crafts…

Do you party because you like it or because you’re supposed to?

I party because there’s food. 

Who’s the person you think about when you’re lying awake?

Sometimes I think about how nice it would be to get up and eat a cookie.

Have you ever bought a shot glass?

Those are so cute. I tried starting a collection, but I suck at collecting. I once got one from Jackass, Colorado, but things have changed so much that I don’t know if that would be at Cripple Creek now, or if there is a place by Jackass Canyon, and whether that is near Jackass Hill Park (in Arapahoe County, CO). I just remember 30 years ago they were trying to save an old ghost town and selling stuff out of what used to be a real saloon, and my friend from the army base was taking me all over sight seeing. She is part Indian and really into cool stuff like that.

Do you have a therapist?

Ha, I have more than one. 

Have you ever wanted to be a superhero?

I’d rather be one of the Mystery Men.

Do you like menthol cigarettes?

Those are no substitute for toothpaste. And no, when I did smoke heavily (Camel Lights, for trivia enthusiasts) and ran out one day, I bummed a menthol off someone and like to died. Those so suck. But that was around 25 years ago. I stopped smoking after I worked for a 40 year old chain smoker who looked 60. I’m 50 now and look 40. If that’s not incentive to quit, I don’t know what is. If you’re still too young to take that seriously, I was in my mid-20′s when I quit. You don’t get your young skin back, no matter what smokers believe about their lungs miraculously healing the second you stop smoking, and that’s why they put off quitting till later.

Do you ever fall for spam mail?

My dad still falls for spam phone calls, you know, the kind where you get an automated message that says call this 900 number, so he does, because he wants *answers*, he wants to know who is bugging him all day long with these calls, he wants to talk to a real person. We’ve gone in circles getting him onto a no call list and instructing him NOT TO CALL ANYONE BACK that he doesn’t know (especially explaining how you get charged extra for calling 900 numbers), and seriously, whoever came up with the idea to scam old people like that is a genius, because it sure does work. And how about this one? Elderly St. Louis widow racks up $14,000 in magazine subscriptions | KMOV.com

Ever used an online dating site?

I would have to explain how violent I get without warning because I’m super ticklish… I’m sure I’d wind up in jail, because what guy wouldn’t see that as a challenge? Thankfully, a mutual friend hooked me up with Scott, I accepted that as a good decision because I suck at that kind of stuff, and next year will be our 20th. I can’t even imagine trusting a dating site. What if I actually got someone romantic and gooey? What would I do??? I couldn’t be cool on a date if I tried. The first time Scott and I went out I accidentally (as opposed to on purpose…) flipped a steak knife through the air and just missed an old lady at the next table, and the knife was actually sticking up out of the floor. I can’t see that being a plus as a description for online dating. They’d have a cautionary disclaimer up on me. Scott wasn’t deterred because I had my blouse unbuttoned a little bit further than I normally wear. I guess that really works, huh? That or he thought my knife throwing was sexy.

What color do you wear the most?

Black. This is kind of surprising for people who know that I love Lisa Frank and Weird Al.

Do you only eat cough drops because you like the taste?

I finally discovered all the croup was coming from food reactions. When they finally exploded into full blown wheezy allergic reactions and I stopped eating those foods, I was able to stop sucking on cough drops. If you’re tired of sucking on cough drops and using inhalers, try a rotation diet and see if that gives you some relief. I couldn’t believe what a huge change that was for me.

Have you ever gotten a good grade in math class?

No one ever asks if I got in trouble in home ec. Which I did. A lot.

Do you have a tumblr account?

Tumblr is like a bomb going off in the fan world, it’s like board surfing a runaway freight train down a steep mountain pass. It’s ~fun~.  Yeah, I know, I’ve whined about tumblr in the past… I still do. My nvidia card goes beserk and blacks out sometimes when I load tumblr. Nothing else I do ever causes that. The Geek Squad told me my laptop is fine. Bad tumblr!  But it’s still ~fun~.

Have you ever seen a ghost?

It’s really super creepy walking by a doorway in an empty church you’re cleaning and seeing the back of someone’s head over an office chair, and then when you turn back to talk to them, there is no one there.

Insomniac?

The worst one you ~ever~ met. And meds give me nightmares that make horror films look like Care Bears. I’d rather just not sleep.

What do you think of the last person you texted?

She’s one of my top 5 fave people in the whole world. My list only goes up to 5. Everyone else is not on any kind of list.

Have your parents ever walked in on you having sex?

I feel I must issue a cautionary warning in case some of you who know me might feel a little stunned that I’d actually say this. I grew up with spontaneous orgasms and neuro stim compulsions, I think just about everyone caught me having sex of some kind until I hit the 3rd grade and figured out the whole privacy thing. (Kindergarten and first grade were nightmares.) Whoever just fell outa your chair, it’s a brain thing, I have asperger’s and weird stuff going on with my nervous system core, I’m not a nymph, and in fact quite asexual toward other people. I know, it’s weird, get used to it, and don’t bug me about it. I won’t be answering any messages that come through full of questions about this one.

Have you ever lied about being a virgin?

True story. I was actually a virgin months after I got married because my first husband turned out to be a pedophile and wasn’t doing it right, and I didn’t know the difference. My first gyno doc pulled him aside and asked him if he knew what he was doing…

Are Australian accents attractive?

Any kind of accent is cool.

Do you like getting stoned?

I absolutely hate it. My brain claws its way out of my skull in full blown panic attacks any time I’ve been given *anything* to calm me down, legal or not. The adverse reactions I have are akin to hysteria. I’m more fun with a teeny tiny buzz, you know, like half an aspirin and a cup of milked down coffee.

Have you ever gotten a bloody nose from snorting cocaine?

I got a bean caught in my nose when I was little.

Have you ever smoked cocaine?

Not to my knowledge, and they all swear it was only a joint, so basically I was high as a kite for 12 hours off of two puffs. If everyone’s heads were as twisted as mine gets on meds and drugs, you’d all be wary of ever doing more. I can only imagine that an acid trip would prolly have been like turning the Joker loose on Gotham City, good thing I never tried it.

Do you own a full set of colored pencils?

I have, and pens, and crayons, and paints, and embroidery threads, and confectionary decorations, and colored papers, and footies…. I am wildly attracted to color palettes, color studies, colors. That’s probably where all my sex drive got shunted over to in my synesthesia, colors and patterns and textures.

Who’s the most attractive female you’ve ever seen?

I really like S.E. Cupp. It’s probably her glasses. They’re like power frames. I watch Real News on the Blaze just to watch her talk.

Have you ever seriously questioned your sexuality?

I’ve always known exactly who I am. What I have seriously questioned are people who don’t have a clue who they are and still try to tell me who I am.

Red, white, yellow, or pink roses?

I grew up with yellow roses in the yard, so I love seeing yellow roses. But I love roses regardless, and I like champagne roses in a bouquet. What’s really super cool is yellow and orange frosting roses on a chocolate autumn decorated cake. I could really run away with this question. My birthday is next week, how much you wanna bet I make a chocolate cake now with orange and red and yellow autumn decorations.

What’s the worst name your mom has ever called you?

It’s so mean and stupid that I’m not ever going to repeat it. And it’s not at all anything you could possibly think it might be.

Do you think someone would ever want to marry you?

I couldn’t believe Scott wanted to, but here we still are.

Do you know who Jim Morrison is?

The word ‘hedonist’ popped into my head as soon as I read that. Ethical hedonism is kind of the thing now, wonder how Jim would have done with the emo crowd. Prolly about the same. I can see him becoming a Cthulhu activist (like Conceptual Coma Activism, as it were, perhaps…?) (My free associating is kicking in, I must be getting tired enough to try sleeping.)

Have you ever done acid?

No one wants me to ever do acid. I’m sure I’d wind up in prison.

Were you at a rave?

I get migraines, I can’t do the whole light strobing psychelectro music thing without having to kill someone.

Can you usually tell when someone’s lying?

I assume everyone is.

Have you ever made a mistake just so you could feel miserable?

Recrimination is not my strong point. I suck at baiting myself psychologically. People who feed off their own emotions like a drug mystify me. I’m terribly Vulcan in that regard.

Do you like Thanksgiving?

I love it when I get to stay in my pajamas and watch the parade and drink hot chocolate while everyone else is in a different house chaotically bumping out a gigantic dinner, and then I get to eat stuffed cornish hens and watch something cool from all the nerdy programming that comes on during holidays while other people in another house do a mountain of dishes and drag out a Christmas tree, and then I snack my way through evening football while other people hang around in a different house planning their chaotic Black Friday shopping frenzies. I’ve tried being more interactive, honestly I have, but I can’t help dreading Thanksgiving because I go into aspie overload.

How about Christmas?

I’ve been so sharply disillusioned that I simple can’t reconcile the driving madness of consumer spending with the ‘reason for the season’. My fave ever Christmas movie is A Very Sunny Christmas. To be fair, though, I was the Christmas kid growing up, and I worked in Kringles Christmas Store one year. I can’t believe they don’t have the train shop listed, #4 on the map. I started out in there.

Do you believe in soul mates?

I ran into a quote somewhere about how interesting it is that most people find their “soul mates” within so many short miles of their homes. I don’t have a soul mate. I’ve never yet run into anyone who clicks with me like that. Cosmic irony would dictate that most of us either have generic ‘soul mate’ slots, or that our one, true soul mate is on the other side of the planet and born 60 years too early or too late. You know, the next time someone asks me what my religion is, I think I’ll say “Cosmic Irony”, because that seems to answer to just about everything I go through in this life. The faith required is skepticism. I’m really good at that. If I do have a soul mate, that person is in another galaxy about eight and a half billion years before or after my time.

Do you post pictures where you look good but your friends look bad?

I guess the first mistake is thinking I have friends, and the second is thinking I give a crap how I look.

Are you friends with any of your exes?

I guess the first mistake is thinking my exes are normal sane people, and the second is thinking that I don’t wish they were dead.

Have you ever thought you were drowning?

I nearly did once, and it’s not like you think. Arguing with a little brat to let me put my hand on his float device out in 30 feet of lake water before I could pass out was priceless. It was more like he pissily pulled me back to shore so he could go tell his parents on me while I lay on the rocks and broken glass in spasms trying to breathe. Took awhile before I could get up. I owe that kid my life.

What’s the most embarrassing artist you have on your ipod?

I have yet to get an ipod. I can’t imagine putting someone I think is embarrassing into my music collection. It would surely contain, however, everything Weird Al Yankovic has ever put out.

Would you ever wait for someone for more than ten years?

My sister did that. She has two kids now, and they’re really cute and super smart. I’d call that worth it. I made Scott wait 3 years to marry me so I’d know he’d really stick around.

Do you know someone in the army?

Several people, and a few in the Marines. I’m not really supposed to tell you if they’ve been in black ops.

Do gay people make you uncomfortable?

The only thing that makes me uncomfortable is when people (of any orientation) think it’s their business to get all up in my business.

Do straight people make you uncomfortable?

True story. I divorced a pedophile, so I was a single mom with his kid. I went to a ladies bible class and those gabbers sat around discussing whether or not it was ‘legal’ for me to remarry (I was sitting *right there*), as if nothing I’d been through carried any weighty importance in the matter. ANY person who does KIDS is CHEATING on their spouse. Get it? Could that be any more stupid than debating it if I’d divorced a rapist? To even reduce these things to whether or not it’s ‘adultery’ by definition and then discuss them like I’m the one who’d better be careful about getting the scarlet letter is the stupidest most nidiotically calloused thing I’ve ever been through in a church setting. I never went back to that ladies bible class. I don’t think God invented humans to be tiny minded.

Do you ever wear colored eye liner?

I’m so allergic that my eyes actually lean out over my lids and power hose it all off 20 minutes after I’ve applied it. My only recourse is to tattoo makeup on, but after a nasty bout of Bell’s Palsy, I’m SO glad I never did that. There’s nothing stupider than half your face not matching the other half in permanent makeup. Fortunately it’s mostly all healed, but that would have been 4 months of mortifying hell, wouldn’t it?

Target or Walmart?

Target carries Caribou coffee. Walmart carries everything else.

Have you ever used crest white strips? Did they work? Actually, I think it would be more interesting to color my teeth and have jewels and gold filigree set into them. Dental Jewelry Tooth Diamond Online Purchase from Twinkles twinkles.net de

                                     

Who’s the last person you made a mix cd for?

This question is so ten years ago. I’m the only person I know who still actually uses a real cd player.

Did you ever have a thing for any of your teachers?

Yeah, I loathed them.

Do you exercise every day?

My brain has a 12-pack. But yes, actually, I do exercise, thanks to Chris Hardwick.

Have you ever used a darkroom?

I would love to live on a planet whose daylight never got more intense than full solar eclipse level. Sunlight winking off waves of water and tree leaves is beautiful, but my worst headache days are high photon days. If you see me in dark glasses, it’s not because I’m wasted or beaten up. And yes, I know what a darkroom is. I had special instructions on when and how to clean around them in a hospital. I’m really curious how the survey creator wouldn’t know that darkroom is all one word, since it seems like a question one would ask only if one were familiar with using one. I fixed it for you. You’re welcome.

How many hours of sleep did you get last night?

About 4. It was a decent night.

Have you ditched any classes today?

I keep forgetting about my account at Fanpop.

What does the word ‘Candy’ mean to you?

I love these guys.

Have you ever listened to Christian music?

This is an interesting question in the exercising demons survey… I love the word play in that title, by the way, best survey title I’ve ever run into. You get a ‘good job!’ sticker.

Are you the ‘creative child’?

I am the Elephant’s Child. I ask ever so many questions.

Would you ever dye your hair pink?

I’m trying to grow it out so I can. And blue, and purple…

Do you have a dirty mind?

I apparently have such a clean mind that even when you explain the joke to me, it takes me two days to get it. Actually, I’m like that with all kinds of jokes.

Do you ever masturbate?

I’m surprised this question is reduced to a simple yes or no type question.

Are you embarrassed about your sex life or lack there of?

I’ve been correcting all the typos. I want to ask back- are you embarrassed about your language skills or lack thereof? I mean, the questions are pretty good, and for the most part the grammar and punctuation are spot on, which is so rare in surveys. Ok, anyway, back to the question. I’m not embarrassed at all.

Who’s the last person you said I love you to?

I’m so used to just saying it at the end of a phone conversation or as I’m parting ways after a visit that sometimes it slips out to complete strangers, like a tram driver, or a grocery checkout clerk. It gets pretty funny.

What’s your stance on spooning?

I don’t cuddle well.

Have you ever seen a shooting star?

Maybe I’m lucky, because yes, I did. I didn’t know what it was at first. I was driving home really late one night after work, and saw a weird vague tiny glowy light sort of ahead of me, and I couldn’t tell what it was. It kind of seemed like it was moving, but not in any direction, and just as I realized it was coming right at ME because it was getting bigger real fast, it popped apart and disappeared. So I think I saw a meteorite, which technically is a shooting star.

Did you make a wish or do you not believe in that crap?

I make lots of wishes, all the time, you don’t need a meteorite for that. Some of them come true anyway, because statistically, the more you wish, and the bigger variety of things wished for, the chances increase that a small percentage of them will come true. And if you really want them to come true, make sure they’re not incredibly impossible kinds of wishes. Magic happens all around us, and our brains are powerful things. Wish as though you really believe, and you might just change your life.

Did you like your life when you were in middle school?

I was a rugrat in middle school. I wore hand me downs and braces, my mom didn’t let me wear makeup (and I don’t remember if I even had deodorant, probably not), and I got picked on mercilessly. I don’t recall liking much at all during that era.

Have you ever been ‘popular’?

‘Wildly so’.

Has someone ever tried to convert you?

Adults telling 5 year olds that they’ll go to hell if they don’t get saved *right now* isn’t ‘conversion’, it’s terrorists brainwashing little kids.

Are you thin?

Sometimes my patience is. You know how people say someone has the patience of Job? That’s me. He’s really not a patient guy, if you actually read it.

Do you like big earrings?

I think it’s neat when people hang Christmas ornaments from their ears.

Are you scared of your future?

I’ve already put my order in for my next life, long list of ‘no way’ stuff.

Are you a whiskey person?

I made some really delicious pork cutlets for lunch, and I can’t stop eating them. Scott won’t have any left over for work. For the small minded, I nearly killed myself on whiskey many years ago. Liver toxicity sucks about as bad as anything you’ll ever go through, so wean down off the alcohol, ok? Don’t cold turkey if you’re a heavy drinker, like I did, you can go into liver shock. Some of you are going, Yeah, but pork cutlets aren’t good for your liver, either, and I’m going, Yeah, but my blood work is the best it’s ever been, and that kind of argument won’t save your liver if you’re still drinking.

Are you a coward?

I told you about the spider that was as big as my foot, right? Another survey back there.

Do you ever listen to oldies?

I need Darkwing Duck theme music following me around.

Are you good at making conversation?

Not really, I just free associate everyone to death.

Do you go on a lot of dates? My new Merlin calendar arrived in the mail today!!!!  The photos are huge. I usually write all over my wall calendars, but there is no way I’m going to mess up this one. So I’ll have to buy another one…

Have you ever been told that you dress like a slut?

I couldn’t look slutty if I tried. Scott walked through here this morning looking slutty…  I was elbow deep in dish water, and he came back in from deer hunting with most of his clothes all stripped off, and seriously, this is the ONLY time I get to see him in those cool bike underwear that wicks away moisture, he walked over to the microwave and caught my eye, my head turned automatically while my brain wentshwaaaaaa? and before I could even think I blurted out, Wow, you look good!  Then I ran for my camera, and he managed to elude me. I tried to convince him of how glad he’ll be when he’s 90 that I took this picture, but the guy just doesn’t have that preening instinct, and he wouldn’t be still, and every shot I got was blurry because I couldn’t think straight to work the camera right. So now if I get Alzheimer’s and forget what I saw, I won’t have anything to back it up.

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

Scott says if anything ever happens to me he’ll die because his cooking is so bad that he’ll go back to twinkies and hot dogs. For Scott to admit that he’d be helpless without someone is HUGE.

Do you still watch cartoons?

The most tv I’ve watched this year is SD ComicCon stuff and Merlin. Sunny in Philadelphia is back, so now I’m watching that, too. I guess you could say every bit of that is rather cartoony. I really don’t watch much tv otherwise.

Are you a comic book geek?

No, but I married one whose mom threw all his old comic books away that would be worth millions now. I hear that every little bit. And he has a Batman t-shirt and lunchbox. I got the Spiderman lunchbox.

When’s the last time you had Starbucks?

Never. We used to drive to another state to pick up Caribou, but now HyVee and Target carry it, so we’re good.

Was it worth the ridiculous pricing?

My youngest worked at a Starbucks for awhile, she thought it was ridiculous. The Caribou is totally worth it.

Are you a fan of muffins?

I had to make muffins every morning at a hotel I worked at. They were awesome. I haven’t eaten them since. Have you noticed that when something is awesome you kind of overdo it till you get super burnout and then nothing else like it ever compares? Yeah, that.

Did you just think of sex?

Daniel Tosh is the only one who ever makes me think of sex when he says things completely unrelated to it.

 

Have you ever heard of The Cranberries?

I bought two bags of cranberries today and put them into the freezer. My mom had this yummy cranberry ambrosia recipe that she’d make every Thanksgiving, and I still make it every year.

What’s your most recent obsession?

Let’s see, three years ago it was the price of cocoa and sugar (which were both jumping up and have never really come back down since, despite there being plenty of cacao beans because stock traders were having a ball driving it up, and a nasty storm hit the sugar cane fields in Hawaii), a couple of years ago it was buying up Libby’s canned pumpkin as quickly as it arrived in stores after they came out of a two year crop shortage due to flooding (and now the price is nearly double per can in some stores even though there seems to be plenty), last year it was buying up butter and throwing it into the freezer every time I found it real cheap because the price of butter had doubled and even tripled, depending on the store, and this year it’s Hershey’s milk chocolate chips, the price of which varies wildly by as much as $2.50 a bag. While people whine about a 30 cent markup in the price of gas, I marvel that no one complains when the price of the really good vanilla can jump by nearly a dollar an ounce. I’ve been obsessed with the movement of ‘goods and services’ ever since I saw my first world map in the fourth grade.

Are you feeling okay today?

I’m feeling awesome today. I hope you are, too. And if not, here’s a hug. ~*hug*~ 

Does anyone care?

I know they do because they stalk me.