survey from November 21, 2007

From a private blog. This is how I got through stuff before I had twitter. This was just before we found out I had a very nasty cytomegalovirus infection that took me down for months. It's a mono strain that can hit your liver like a freight train, so basically it was like having hepatitis with a lot of complications.

I started this at 5 a.m. this morning.  It's now 1 a.m.

1. What was the highlight of your day?
Getting to sleep for 3 hours before I woke up coughing.  Later on my highlight will be seeing my family over the hills and through the woods.  I'm pretty excited about that.

2. Who's car were you in last?
I was in my baby Lamborghini ripping up the road to the doctor.  Unmedicated, for a change.  Totally at one with the broken CD player and Star 105.1 .

3. When is the next time you are going to kiss someone?
Scott gave me a teeny quickie kiss on the way out.  He keeps forgetting I'm lethal, toxic, and poisonous and keeps doing that.

4. What color shirt are you wearing?
My favoritist old raggedy black t-shirt in the whole world.  I'm not going to throw it away until a nipple actually shows.

5. How long is your hair?
Still way above my waist.  Waaaay above.  I won't be able to make a ponytail for months.  Possibly longer.

6. Last movie you watched?
The Kingdom of Heaven, with Orlando Bloom and Liam Neeson and many other biggies.  I thought they did a really good job on the war.

7. Last thing you drank?
Hot honey milk.  Did you know honey bees were European and near Eastern before they came to America?  One brave bee named Christopher C. drew up a plan for world dominance, and their Queen, Isabee, approved.

8. Last thing you ate?
About 5 hours ago I was finishing up cashews, cheese, and crackers.

9. Where did you sleep last night?
I was really hoping to get more sleep than this.  I took some benadryl, maybe I'll get a quick nap in before I have to leave later.  I'm having to sleep on the couch lately so I don't choke on my own phlegm.

10. Are you happy right now?
No one ever asks me if I'm thrilled.  How come no one ~ever~ asks me that?

11.What did you say last?
I'm sure someone's got it on record somewhere.  I think it was 'see ya' or 'you too' or something as Scott walked out the door.  Maybe you can google that if it's so important.

12. Where is your phone?
Do phones have GPS tracking systems in them yet?  I know the CTU people in 24 can track cell phone signals, but that's only if they're actively being used.

13. What was the last museum you went to?
My room is a lot like a museum after an earthquake.  Antiquities in piles all sliding back out of order.

14. what color are your eyes?
I will be so surprised if I find out later they're not really brown and that I've been delusional all this time.

15. Who came over last?
We can always count on Twinkles.


16. Who are you talking to?
Very surreal.  My first thought was, who are YOU?  You know you're a hermit when you really think you're having a conversation with a survey.

17. Who/what do you hate/dislike currently?
Sinus pain and pressure *can* be your friend if you'll just give it a chance.

18. What are you listening to?
Predawn Weather Channel music, but they keep interrupting it to talk about some places having snow.

19. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
3 more hours of sleep.  I think I'm going to stop for awhile and try laying down again.

20. What is the best smell.
::11 hours later::  Ok, I'm back.  My most favorite smell ever is the smell of newly made alfalfa hay bales in the night air mixed with the smell of my dad's sweat.  I hope heaven smells like that.  At least for me.

21. Who is always there when you need someone to talk to?
I never lack for a survey.  No matter how badly I suffer and moan, the survey people always spend quality time with me.  Like now, for instance.  My right ear is hurting SO bad, it feels like the eardrum is going to violently explode and the wall will be spattered with inner ear fluid.  I won't go into other details of sinus and respiratory infection right now.  But the survey stays through it with me, steady as a rock.  Nearly everyone else leaves the room gagging when I go into detail.

22. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Drugging myself into a stupor and praying for sleep.  At midnight, and I distinctly remember this, I was uncontrollably hacking what felt like chopped vegetables out of my chest and thinking how sharp some of the pieces felt.  Kinda like a cement contractor had been mistakenly called in, and now we're breaking up the new sidewalks in my bronchials with jackhammers and flinging the shards willy nilly into the upper stratosphere.

23. Are you left-handed?
Do you think it's odd that very few people care if I'm right-handed?

24. What's for dinner tonight?
Scott's on his own.  If I'm lucky I'll get a piece of preformed caramelized pizza.  (~later~ I wasn't lucky.)

Where did 25 go?

26. When is your birthday?
I so don't care right now.  My ear thinks I should spit on this question.  My ear is wondering why nobody cares, why isn't someone pouring some magical hot eucalyptus oil into it and topping it off with cotton?  I'm telling my eardrum to just shut up and burst already, I'm sick of its whining.

27. Who was the last person to send you a text message?
Twinkles.  The typos were pretty funny.  I don't think she checks to see whether the automatic word thingy grabbed the right word.

Where did 28 go?

29. Where was the last place you went shopping?
I get my drugs at Walgreens.  They may be maddening about a few policies, but I love their national database.

30. How do you feel about your hair right now?
Not a thing.  It's about the only thing on my body not complaining right now.

31. Do you have any expensive jewelry?

I put together a really cool charm bracelet one year that retails for nearly $400 total.  I'm afraid to wear it anywhere.

Where did 32 go?

33. Where does most of your family live?
This is something a stalker or killer would ask.

34. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
I allowed my parents to continue procreating after they had me, but they had to agree to love me the most.

35. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
Is having to pull weeds all summer until your fingers callous a form of being spoiled?  I won't go into the rest of the chores.  Yes, # 34 was obviously tongue in cheek.

36. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up this morning?Quick, get to the bathroom before you hack up slime all over yourself, and actually, go even faster than that before the coughing makes you pee the couch.  Nothing like coming out of a dead sleep in full blown cough spasm running through the house mode.

37. Do you drink beer?
If I had some hot beer I'd pour it in my ear and get it drunk so it would shut up.

38. Myspace or Facebook?
Youtube.

Where did 39 go?

40. What is/was your favorite subject in school?
My ear is reminding me how badly I hated history.  I think it might have a gun.

Where did 41 go?

42. Do you have any hidden talents?
I think my greatest achievement is 20 years of severely chronic insomnia.  I hide it well.

43. Have you ever been in a wedding?
My ear is demanding a wooden stake to drive through my eardrum.  I offered a toothpick, and it threw a fit that it wasn't one of those colored party pics.

44. Do you have any children?
Do they count after they're grown up and gone?

45. Did you take a nap today?
This is probably the root of the ear problem.  No, I didn't.

46. Isn't LOST an awesome show?
Call me abnormal for not thinking so, but it was like Gilligan's Island on acid.  The extent to which the boundaries of credibility were pushed were like an experiment on my poor husband's brain.  I watched him watching the show.

47. Do you want to be famous one day?
Just for one day?  Depends.  You know that kid that made the youtube about not picking on Britney?  That rocked.  I mean, to simply scream and cry at a camera for a couple of minutes like that and become such a big hit on world news, wow.  You really have to admire the luck some people have.  Nearly 13 million views and 186,000 comments in only two months and still rocking on. That youtube alone inspired a whole new genre of video response.

48. What do you say a lot?
My ear is now tanked on codeine and quietly contemplating whether the universe ever feels like bursting, and where exactly the 'drum' would be located.

49. Could you handle being in the military?
I suppose I'd be the world's fastest curl up and die recruit.

50. What is your average cell phone bill?
Scott takes care of that stuff.  But he does fuss a bit sometimes about 411 calls, me suddenly sucking up his share of minutes after weeks of near inactivity, and reminds me that even receiving a text message eats up quarters.  We don't text enough to warrant purchasing a plan, so I remind him that it's still cheaper than what it would have been with a plan.  I'm not big on texting, but sometimes it sure comes in handy.  Like when you lose your voice for 4 days straight during a really nasty chest cold.

51. Do you believe in Karma?
My ear is making monk cheese and humming to itself.

52. Ever been to Las Vegas?
It shows up on tv so much that surely that must count as a visit by now.

53. What are you doing today?
After a doctor ~~ORDERED~~ me to do nothing the rest of the week, I spent the day driving about 120 miles and hanging out in a nursing home eating turkey dinner.  I felt so weak and wiped out that I just laid my head on my mommy's shoulder and told her I'm puny, I need my mommy, and she squeezed my finger.

54. Have you ever been gambling?
My ear says gamboling is good for the soul.

Where did 55 go?

56. Have you been to New York City?
I've watched Ghostbusters I and II a number of times.  I feel like I have.

57. Have you ever been to Disney World/Land?
That is one of a long list of places I've never ever been to in my life.

58. Do you have a favorite cartoon character?
Darkwing Duck is dang cool.

59. Last thing you cooked?
Yesterday's roast.  I think the drugs are about to take me away from you.

60. Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
No recollection of stupidity with my cell phone.  I'm sure Scott would say it was dialing 411 to get a phone number I could have looked up in a phone book, and then not using the house phone.

61. Last time you were sick?
My ear says illness is all in the mind and offers you a piece of monk cheese.

62. Random fact about you?
I prefer briefs to thongs.

survey from 11-17-07

I know right, how many of these things did I do in 07? Musta been a rough year. From an old private blog.

I give you money and send you into the grocery store to pick up 5 items. You can only pick one thing from the following departments.. what is it?

1. Produce: Depends on how the avacados look.

2. Bakery: I'm my own bakery, so I just nod and smile as I pass.  
3. Meat: Close my eyes and throw a dart and hope it doesn't hit pigs knuckles.  I can do just about anything with meat.
4. Frozen: I really like those TGI Friday's chicken quesadilla rolls.  Remember that if I come visit.
5. Dry goods: We skipped canned goods and dairy, but ok, I'll take the ziploc quart sized freezer bags.

* Let's say we're heading out for a weekend getaway. You're only allowed to bring 3 outfits with you. So, what's in your bag?

1. pajamas
2. more pajamas
3. the really important thing is a variety of footies and sox, and cross your fingers I don't stain my one good t-shirt, which I may or may not have already worn to sleep in

* If I was to listen in on one of your conversations throughout the day, what 5 phrases or words would I be most likely to hear?

1. There's my chicken.
2. Eat spiders today, ok?
3. No egg?  Oh, well, everyone needs a break.
4. Where's a good snake when you need one?
5. See ya later.

* So, what 3 things do you find yourself doing every single day, and if you didn't get to do, you'd probably be in a pretty irritable/bad mood?

1. I don't know about actual irritability or a bad mood, but I do enjoy my hot chocolate every morning.
2. I do like to spend a very quiet hour or two doing absolutely nothing but thinking.  Disturbing my peace isn't suggestible, but I don't generally leave claw marks any more.
3. I do a little word construction every day, and I feel really weird if I skip it.

* What are 3 things that you have in your home that have been with you for the longest amount of time?

1. I'm about ready to burn this old couch
2. I can't decide whether to throw away a clay jar I bought from a college art dept fundraiser for $5 about 20 years ago.  No one else wants it.

3. I keep promising Scott I'll go through all my old cassettes, and I never do.

* If you were only allowed to listen to 5 of your CDs for the rest of your life, never adding anything else, which 5 could you listen to & be content with?

1. Hilary Stagg's Dream Spiral
2. Fairies in the Moonlight from Hallmark

3. Weird Al's UHF soundtrack
4. A Night at the Roxbury soundtrack
5. Eiffel 65's Europop

* You're driving down the road, and suddenly you're hit with this sense of road rage. What 3 factors probably contributed to it?

1. I don't get road rage
2. I'm too laid back to get road rage
3. Actually, I'm so chronically lazy about getting emotional about much of anything while I'm driving that I usually don't even blink when other people drive really stupidly.  I EXPECT other drivers to be absolute idiots, and I drive as if anyone at any time is going to do something idiotically stupid and cause my death.  I give everyone around me plenty of room.

* Sweet, you just scored a whole afternoon to yourself. We're talking a 3 hour block with nobody around. What 5 activities might we find you doing?

1. laying in bed
2. laying on the couch
3. sleeping in bed
4. sleeping on the couch
5. making some really good food

* We're going to the zoo. But, it looks like it could start storming, so it'll have to be a quick visit. What 3 exhibits do we have to get to?

1. That's ok, I'll stay in the car and drive on by.
2. I had a little too much zoo when the kids were young.
3. I'll never forget spending an entire hour watching a hippo do nearly nothing.

* You're hungry for ice cream. I'll give you a triple dipper ice cream cone. What 3 flavors can I pile on for ya?

1. The closest I came to actually wanting ice cream this fall was ONE root beer float.
2. When I was younger I lived on ice cream, so I think I'm burned out.
3. One summer I ate it 3 meals a day and put on 20 pounds.

* Somebody stole your purse/wallet ... In order to get it back, you have to name 5 things you know are inside to claim it. So, what's in there?

1. dental floss (never leave home without it)
2. a smashed mini snicker bar

3. a ziploc sandwich bag with about 65 cents of loose change in it.  People at registers love that, we can see at a glance whether I've got the right change.  Some of them crack up.
4. a tiny unmarked container holding a variety of curious looking colorful pills

5. and if that doesn't do that trick, there's always my passport, checkbook, license, insurance cards, library card, a prescription bottle, and probably a dozen doctor receipts with my name on them

* You are at a job fair, and asked what areas you are interested in pursuing a career in. Let's pretend you have every talent and ability to be whatever you wanted, so what 3 careers would be fun for you?

1. video store clerk

2. chicken farmer
3. benadryl and codeine test subject

1 If you were to attend a costume party tonight, what or whom would you go as?

I'd probably wear my old lounge pants and a ratty t-shirt and some fantastically super soft footies that I could slide across the room in, in the event of linoleum or hardwood floors.

2. What are your choice of toppings on a hamburger? And do you prefer gas or charcoal grilling?

Miracle whip and Heinz ketchup are all I need, and I could care less how it's grilled, unless it's raw or burnt crusty.  But I DO prefer ground sirloin in a 96/4 kind of ratio, basted with a little butter, no seasoning unless you mix a little Wort sauce into the burger, and the bun has to be fresh.  Sesame seed buns rank 5 stars with me.  If we go anywhere beyond that, I like a really young red onion sliced paper thin, home grown fresh lettuce, a sparkling hint of pickle, and quite possibly a slice of American or Swiss IF I'm in the mood.  This should all be embellished with a chilled organic root beer and sides of baked beans and french fries, and I HAVE to have honey on my fries.

3. You are chosen to have lunch with the President. The condition is you only get to ask one question. What do you ask?

I think I'd ask him what his favorite breed of chicken is, and I'd bring a catalogue of breeds in case he's not up on what all is available.

4. It's your first day of vacation, what are you doing?

Every day is my first day of vacation nowadays.  Today I am jacked up on codeine because nothing else is touching this miserable chest cold and how bad my throat hurts.  I lost my voice yesterday.  Scott says I sound scary.  It's actually not been too bad, relatively speaking, compared to the occipital neuralgia I've been going through for the last month.  It's even been a bit of a treat, being able to feel something different, and I've been enjoying the vapo-rub, cough drops, ben gay on my chest, hot cloth around my neck, and sounding like a frog that got squashed by a 4 wheeler.  Brings back memories of growing up without doctors and having olive oil forced up my nose to coat my throat and hot eucalyptus drops and cotton in my ears.  Only this time it's much better because I have codeine.  Life is good.

5. What is your concession stand must-have at the movies?

Bottled water and nachos.  When Scott is with me we eat a gallon of popcorn, too, but I don't get into his twizzlers and whatever else he buys.  I really don't know where he puts it all.

6. Which do you dislike most: pop-up ads or spam email?

I don't even think about it.  I don't care.

7. What do you think Captain Hook's name was before he had a hook for a hand?

I think someone is really reaching now to come up with some questions.

8. Rock, paper, or scissors?

You know, it took me a couple of years to even understand the dynamics of this problem-solving game.  I even looked at it anthropologically and got into the history of picking straws, rolling dice, and tossing coins, all of which were supposed to help decide persons or events when time was short, logic failed, and the fates took over what was not fair.  I never play rock-paper-scissors, but I love how it is used quickly in tv shows and movies in drastic situations.  Aspie on the case here...

9. How long was it from 'the first date' until the proposal of marriage? How long until the wedding?

Three months, and three years, respectively.  He's the spontaneous one, I'm not.

10. Which is worse, being in a place that is too loud, or too quiet?

Depends on what you think is loud.  I would rather tolerate loud machinery than a hundred people talking all at once.  Conversely, I always have to ask the manager to turn the sound system down at a movie theater, but I have difficulty hearing one person talking if they are moving around.  Weird, huh?  It's all in the auditory processing and tolerance level.  As for quiet, what is too quiet?  I can hear things most people can't seem to, like very distant sounds, very slight sounds, sounds many people take for granted and don't realize are there.  I don't think there is such a thing as too quiet, at least for me.

11. What is one quality that you really appreciate in a person?

Honestly, the people I like best are the ones who aren't afraid to make jokes and laugh about how weird I am right to my face, because it really breaks the ice and then we can talk and laugh about anything in the world.  Once I get going, I really love talking to people and enjoy them being themselves, but if we have to play some stiff little social game or emotional head game, that really kills the joy of being on this earth and sharing ourselves with each other.  And since I'm otherwise such a hermit, I take enjoying people while I can very seriously.

12. At the good old general store, what particular kind of candy would you expect to be in the big jar at the counter?

Have you ever tasted old fashioned horehound?  It's a ~weed~ that you soak the flavor out of and add a lot of sugar to, and they sell it in candy sticks.  Who in the world ever thought to make candy out of that was mental.  Just google horehound, it's famous all over Europe and America for being the weed full of tiny little prickly seeds that are impossible to get out of your sox.

13. What is the most distinguishing landmark in your city?

Karst topography.  Granted, that's not really a distinguishing landmark, but it certainly gets a lot of attention when houses and parking lots suddenly cave into underground caverns in areas where building permits were freely handed out before zoning laws went into effect.

14. Everyone hears discussions that they consider boring. What topic can put you to sleep quicker than any other?

Shopping...

15. How many times did it take you to pass your drivers test?

I actually failed, but they passed me anyway, first time.  Talk about luck, eh?

16. If you had to have the same topping on your vanilla ice cream for the rest of your life, what topping would you choose?

Sorry, I'm not into ice cream enough any more to justify even metaphorically choosing.

17. What food item would need to be removed from the market altogether in order for you to live a healthier, longer life?

I can't decide if I'd rather lose bacon forever, or cream cheese.

18. You are offered an envelope that you know contains $50. You are then told that you may either keep it or exchange it for another envelope that may contain $500 or may be empty. Do you keep the first envelope, or do you take your chances with the second?

I hand the envelope back.  There *has* to be a catch somewhere, and I'm not greedy enough to make a fool of myself.

19. If you had to choose, which would you give up: cable TV, or DSL/cable internet?

I don't have either one.  If I had to choose between dish and broadband, I'd take the broadband, because I could always download the shows I'd be missing.

20. What is your highest level of education?

Either 193 or 196 credits, I don't remember.  I admire people who have 500 or more.  If there were one thing I could go back and redo in my life, I'd make a sport out of acquiring as many credits as possible, the way people collect McDonald happy meal toys and Barbies and stuff.  I wouldn't even care if I got multiple degrees out of it.  I just really really liked college.

21. How much is a gallon of gas in your city? What was the highest it's been?

It's still cheaper than a gallon of milk, so I'm not too worried about it.

22. What kind of lunch box did you have as a kid?

Red plaid...  One of those ironic metal lunchboxes picked out by my mother.  I was the only kid in the first grade that I know of carrying a lunch box that mimicked a piece of cloth instead of a cartoon.

23. What would you rather have, a nanny, a housekeeper, a cook, or a chauffeur?

I read stuff about rich or famous people having to support an entourage of staff around them at all times just to keep up with their lives, and I don't know that I could ever live like that.

24. Would you rather be trapped in an elevator, or stuck in traffic?

Traffic.  I'd rather have to pee on the side of the road than on the floor of an elevator.

25. Lets say a brick fell on your foot, and your kid is standing right next to you, what is your 'cleaned up' swear word?

I automatically do the geez and dang thing anyway.  If I automatically F it, it's *really* bad, and no one bugs me about it while I'm in the moment.  Might hear about it later, but I don't care.

7 things survey

From a private blog on 11-15-07.

SEVEN THINGS YOU WILL FIND IN YOUR ROOM:
1. at night there's a fuzzy guy in there
2. sometimes I lay there and stare at the light and watch the ladybugs crawl around in the fixture
3. one time I woke up and there was a scorpion in the fixture, and it dropped off onto the bed
4. of course I freaked out, wouldn't you?
5. nope, I never found it.  Those little critters are fast.
6. now there's a squirrel living in the walls, gnawing on the studs
7. this is the price we pay for building a new house in the woods

SEVEN RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS:
1. do you like someone? No, I hate everyone.  Of course I like someone.
2. does someone like you? He bought me french toast one day.  If that's not like, what is?
3. who was your last crush? The 'was' is throwing me.
4. have you ever been lead on? Naivete is my forte.
5. have you ever been cheated on? We all know about the insurance lady *wink wink*
6. do you want to be in a relationship? Really takes the work out of being ultimately responsible.
7. do you wanna get married? You mean ever again?  I might be allergic.

SEVEN THINGS YOU CANT LIVE WITHOUT:1. I assume you mean totally not bodily related, like ear wax
2. I also assume you don't mean medications
3. I think I would definitely have to have sox and a toothbrush
4. hot chocolate would be tough to not wake up to
5. toilet paper
6. I think I would miss the whole holiday retail commercialism thing if it all went away, even though I don't support it.
7. I suppose I should mention that I couldn't live without Scott's health insurance.  Him... ok, I'd like to keep him around, too.

SEVEN THINGS ON YOUR MIND:
1. It's really bothering me that I can't remember my dream from last night.  I'm pretty sure there was a mind blowing revelation in there somewhere.
2. There must be about 50 birds at the feeder, looks really cool.

3. I might have to go back to bed.

4. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmULz03wdQ0
5. If that doesn't take your mind off everything else, nothing will.
6. I wonder how many people roast turkeys straight out of the wrap without removing the giblets first.  Sorry, free association, kinda leapt over from the elephant there.
7. I've never done that, but if you wanna read some crazy hilarious turkey hotline stories, here you go. http://www.snopes.com/holidays/thanksgiving/turkey.asp  My faves are the guy wanting to baste his bird with motor oil, and the chihuahua getting stuck inside a turkey.

SEVEN OTHER THINGS - DO YOU:

1. Believe in God? Try telling him you don't, haha.  Look, if he's been around in some form or another since the dawn of mankind, how in the world do you think you can possibly eradicate him by not believing?  You can be mad at him all you want, but sooner or later you're gonna feel really alone and wish him back.  This life is not what you think it is, and so very temporary.
2. Had a dream come true? A metaphorical dream, or a real asleep dream?  Both, actually, but they're not the sort of thing I want to talk about.
3. Read the newspaper? Newspapers are like eggs.  There are plenty around to buy, but what they were made for is not always what they are used for.
4. Pray? When prayer moves beyond conscious effort to unconscious reflex, you've reached the elusive and much coveted state of spiritual being that no spa can duplicate.
5. Have a best friend? With great health insurance, yes.  Always good to have a best friend with benefits.
6. Had braces? I had successfully blocked that from memory until you asked.
7. Wish on shooting stars? I wished not to DIE when it was coming right at me...

SEVEN THINGS IN THE LAST 48 HOURS HAVE YOU:
1. Cried? Rats, I forgot.  I'll make up for it later.

2. Had fun? Oh, the neurologist was ~real~ fun.  I can't tell you how much fun it is to be told how to run stupid experiments on yourself.  Can't wait to tell my psychologist I was told to sit in my car for 2-3 hours and NOT drive and ~try~ to get a headache...

3. Been kissed? Rather reluctantly, it seems, and not because of my breath.  He uttered a faux pas that left us both stunned and reeling and wondering how in the world we were going to gracefully get past THAT one.  Gotta love spontaneity.  I'm pretty sure it'll blow over, now that I've sworn off mutilation and flaying my victims.

4. Felt stupid? Nope, although I do remember feeling unjustly invalidated from several sources.  I tend to think others are stupid before I feel stupid myself.

5. Talked to an ex? Shoot first...
6. Bought anything? I paid an extra 20 cents NOT to get tots with my cheese coney.  It's really backward how fast food deals work in this country.

7. Used chap stick? I prefer gooey petroleum products to wax.

survey from November 14, 2007

Ran into this on an old private blog.

1.) When you walk in your front door, which room do you enter?We built our house backward, so that the back of the house is to the front yard, and the front faces the woods and has a really great view.  So we come in a 'rear' door right off the driveway to the laundry room and kitchen.  The actual 'front' door is never used, being on an odd side of the house flipped away from the driveway, and the livingroom opens up onto a really cool deck.  We think it's funny when various business people recognize the layout is backward and go completely out of their way to walk around the house and find the front door way on the other side when all they have to do is go to the nearest door to the driveway, but apparently they have some kind of stigma about using a back door.  I think the house itself feels a bit indignant about that, too, because sometimes it sarcastically replays heavy footsteps coming up around on the deck, and we look everywhere and walk outside, and no one is there at all.

2.)Do you have a dishwasher?That's me!  

3.) Is your living room carpeted or does it have hardwood floors?I will never forget waking up one morning to Twinkles and her little glue project.  A giant bottle of glue soaking into the carpet...  I've given her one of those mom 'blessings', where I wish her to have a kid just like that so I can laugh some day.

4.) Do you keep your kitchen knives on the counter or in a drawer?
They are *everywhere*.  They start out clean in the drawer, they wind up hanging out on the counters making friends.

5.) House, apartment, duplex or trailer?I've lived in all but a duplex.  I've even lived in yucky cheap hotel rooms.  Lately it's been this big house.  Not humongously big, but very tall.  Like stacking a ranch up like blocks.

6.) How many bedrooms is it?

Three, but that doesn't stop us from sleeping all over it.  Couch, floor, basement...  I think Twinkles has even fallen asleep on the kitchen floor and the stairs.

7.) Gas stove or electric?

After having gas in an apartment and trailer, I'll always stick with electric.  When you barely catch a small child plop a toy right up next to a burner full of flames, you get some pretty vivid scenarios going in your head.

8.) Do you have a yard?

And 4 acres of woods, yes.

9.) What size TV is in the living room?

19".  We have the smallest and most ancient tv of everyone we know.

10.) Are your plates in the same cupboard as your cups?

No, and I guess it weirds the guests out.  I've given up trying to explain that glasses and mugs are more logical on the side next to the fridge and plates on the side next to the microwave.  Whatever.  It's my house, not theirs.

11.) Is there a coffee maker sitting on your kitchen counter?

No, we have the hangy type, very convenient.

WHERES #12

Maybe it went down the garbage disposal.  No, I don't have one of those.

13.) What room is your computer in?

This is getting really boring.

14.) Are there pictures hanging in your living room?

I'm in the process of stripping the walls bare so Scott can repaint if he wants to.

15.) Are there any themes found in your home?I always thought it would be awesomely cool to get one of those wall sized murials of space or a scifi movie scene, but Scott said no...

16.) What kind of laundry detergent do you use??

I'm actually not using any today.  I got caught up on the laundry over the last two days.

17.) Do you use dryer sheets??

If you had asked *did* I use dryer sheets, I would have answered, yes, I did.

18.)) Do you have any curtains in your home??

It is unbelievable how dusty lace curtains get, and how hard they are to put back on the rods after you wash them.

19.) What color is your fridge??

Why are there two question marks going now?

20.) Is your house clean??

It is devoid of teenagers.  Now it's just us old folks.  The smell is infinitely better, and the type of clutter has definitely morphed into something that makes more sense.

21.) What room is the most neglected??

It is impossible to neglect a square inch of this house with Super Scott around.

22.) Are the dishes in your sink/dishwasher clean or dirty?

Finally, back to one question mark.  I allow NO dishes to sit in the sink.  My sink always stays clean, and the dirty dishes are rinsed to put on the counter next to it.  There is nothing nastier than trying to wash one's hands or do something else with water over a sinkful of nasty wet smelly dishes.  I've head cooked in high traffic restaurants.  You don't mess with my sink.

23.) How long have you lived in your home?

171 months.  If you are obsessed enough with my house, you'll do the math.

24.) Where did you live before?

That's exactly what government census wants to know.

25.) Do you have one of those fluffy toilet lid covers on your toilet?

I have a very expensive soft toilet seat from Lowe's.  I believe comfort is more important than decor.

26.) Do you have a scale anywhere in your house?

Everyone's ticked that the new scale added five pounds over the old one.

27.) How many mirrors are in your house?

I don't care.

28.) Look up. What do you see?

Define 'up'.  I glanced vaguely upward.  Spongebob glanced vaguely downward back at me and smiled.  That's all you need to know.

29.) Do you have a garage?

Scott dreams...  I hear about it *all* *the* *time*.

30.) Are you planning on moving anytime soon?

We could move at the drop of a hat, or we could be here another 30 years.  Depends on how much more I can tolerate Scott griping about the neighbors.  Have you seen Deck the Halls?  Scott could EASILY be both those guys.

desperately seeking surveys survey

From a private blog, originally posted on 10-30-07.

1. Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?
About 3 or 4 years ago, I think, I thought it would be tasteful to get a dainty gold hoop to put around the middle of my lower lip, but I never did it.

2. Does a kiss make your boo boos feel better?
Being a germ phobe, if your mouth comes anywhere near my wound, you're going to get a boo boo yourself.

3. Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
In spite of being inebriated enough to have alcohol poisoning in my youthful past, I've never lost consciousness.  Of course, you're talking to the person who woke up in the middle of heart surgery to talk to the doctor, which freaked him out pretty badly.

4. Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in?
I'm no fool.

5. What did you do today?
Technically, we're speaking of yesterday, since I'm up at 2 a.m. from a Lyrica buzz.  I went to the chiropractor and told him of my descent into the depths of hell, whereupon he ~gently~ cracked my bones and cured me, had a most excellent workout, hit Walmart and stocked up on goodies for salsa and 7 layer dip (I'm craving avacados), came home and watched Mystery Men (again, geez, aspie rut), conked for a couple of hours, got up and made meatloaf and mashed potatoes, watched Chuck and South Park while we toggled to the Packer game, and talked to my sploit on the phone.  What did YOU do?

6. Have you ever brushed your teeth while in the shower?
Intriguing question.  I believe I have, because a latent memory popped up, but it must have been long ago enough to not be able to tag why.

7. Have you had more than 3 boyfriends/girlfriends at the same time?
Willy Wonka and Eddie Izzard fight over me, the rest don't get my time of day.  Jack Sparrow is a little ticked about that, but he doesn't brush his teeth, even in the shower, so he grosses me out.

8. Have you ever thought about your death?
I was born thinking about my death.

10. Do you like someone?
I like Scott a ~lot~ and he can hardly peel me off.  He lately complained to his mother and sister that all I want any more is sex, and they both laughed and said yep, that's the right age...

12. What color is your shower curtain?
My shower *doors* are blurry-clear, which is cool when I walk in on Scott taking a shower.

13. Have you ever had stitches?
I *should* have gotten a couple of stitches when that manikin hand struck my face, but my boss was a jerk and patched it up like I was a football player and sent me back out on the floor.  Everyone said I looked pretty impressive.

14. How long ago did you hug someone?
Scott peeled me off before we went to bed, so it's been about 5 hours now.

15. Did you believe that boys/girls had cooties?
~ALL~ people have cooties, that's why I don't let just anyone kiss my boo boos.

16. Do you know how to use chop sticks?
Interesting things happen when I use chop sticks.  Food and sticks alike take on a life of their own.

17. Lyrics stuck in your head?
"Me, I'm horny don't you know, my love I want you so...  Sugar, you make my soul complete, rapture tastes so sweet".  Poor Scott.  I'm in an iiO universe lately.

19. What are you doing tomorrow?
My list consists of calling my heart dr. to move an appt, making apple crisp before the apples rot, cleaning out my fridge, doing dishes and laundry, and probably working out on the bike and taking another nap.  I'm also thinking I'd like to get some more hot chocolate mix made and maybe start on some peppernut dough.  I'd like to have several gallons of those made by holidays.  I have a much longer list on stand by, but I feel no urgency to prove anything to the world at large.  And who knows, maybe I'll get a notice from the library that my book loan is in, in which case I'll be driving in to town to pick that up.

20. Who was the last person you couldn't take your eyes off of?
Wo, the answer to this before me was a bit shocking.  Talk about honesty with attraction to children.  Ick.  Kind of pales MY answer, which would be Eddie Izzard.

21. Have you ever given money to a homeless person?
I've been a homeless person.  Thankfully it didn't last real long.

22. Have you ever run over an animal?
Ok, here comes another list...  Sorry, don't want to gross anyone out, but when you live in raw hills and forests, you tend to take out the local wildlife.  I've hit two deer, a couple of bobcats mating (highways are so convenient for mating), a wild turkey that spread out across my windshield and nearly made me careen off a twisted road on a hillside, actually sliced a small dog in half and exploded a cat (I will NEVER understand pets running right out in front of traffic like idiots), several dozen birds, snakes, and a turtle.  I once sluiced through an already dead skunk by accident.  Never do that.  Ever.  You drive with your head out the window for miles.  I think I've hit a raccoon, too, but the armadillos and possums were all smart enough to evade me.  Funny, the 'oldest' species are the best at survival in the modern world.

23. What is your favorite cereal?
Cheerios.  No matter how bad I feel, I can eat Cheerios.

24. Have you ever had an Oreo with peanut butter?
I'm not an Oreo person.

25. What are you doing right at this moment?
Letting Scott sleep undisturbed.

26. Do you think its right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced?
I think ANYONE getting their tongue pierced is asking for rot and infection.  I once saw this girl's tongue, it was so infected it was BROWN.

27. Where’s your favorite place to be?
Deep in my head.  Never a dull moment in there.

28. What's your favorite song?
I'm on strike.  No more favorite song questions in surveys.

29. Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker?
Hot chocolate.  We're a cultish breed.

30. Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire?
People are idiots.  I was once in a car with some kids who decided they were hungry and took a loaf of bread, a jar of miracle whip, a knife, and some bologna from one kid's house.  After the sandwiches were made and stuff was done passing around the car, one guy rolled his window down and chunked the rest out.  I'm thinking ok, ~here's~ a guy who will never survive a future calamity because he has no forethought.  What if someone wanted a second sandwich?  Duh.  Likewise, it's pretty standard around here to see lone shoes on the highway in the spring.

31. Have you ever been skinny dipping?
Have you seen what hangs out in untreated water?
32. Have you ever climbed up a water tower?
I let the maintenance guys take care of that, saves me a lot of time and energy.

33. Do you dream in black and white?
Occasionally.  I've also dreamed in cartoon and video game.

34. Do you talk in your sleep?
Unsuccessfully.  Unless I'm speaking French and Scott just can't understand me.

35. Do you snore?
Everyone snores, most people just don't wake themselves up doing it, so they never know.  What's interesting is when you hear someone stop breathing because their tongue is in the way and it takes forever for them to breathe again.

36. Have you ever thought about being a model?
There's way more to life than walking a runway and freeze framing.  I want to create the parts that models fight over when they turn to acting.

37. Are you a redneck?
I can't quite get the hang of it.

38. Funniest thing you heard all day?
People freaking out over Cartman's Halloween costumes.

39. Have you ever gotten a mosquito bite on your face?
Must we dredge up old memories?  I bury things for a reason, you know.

40. What are you afraid of?
I think the freakiest dream I've had lately was having a pet spider, and even though I was repulsed, I let it sit on me and talked to it and coaxed it to do things.  In real life they DIE.

41. What does the 10th text message in your outbox say?
I'm not going to wake Scott up unplugging my phone just to find that out.

42. What does the 10th message in your inbox say?
Ditto.

43. Do you like someone?
Gee, that was # 10.  What gives?

44. Do they know you like them?
He complains about it, yes.

46. Can you recite the alphabet backwards?
Ok, *must* *kill* survey maker...  Really reaching to make 50 here.

47. Whats your middle name?
Gar-Halloween-field.  Ha, remember that one, sploit?  Wonder what happened to that old cartoon.

48. What's your profile song and why?
Paint it Black.  It was an impulse.

49. Need to get something off your chest?
I have a deep lack of caring about many things in life, such as politics and kittens.  No offense to anyone, but I grew up soaked in both.  Now I'm on vacation.

50. How do you feel about your life right now?
It's 3 a.m. and I need SLEEP.

another Halloween survey

Just ran into a never before publicly published Halloween survey from Oct. 22, 2007.

 Halloween Survey 

Ghosts or Goblins?:  Vaporous apparitions, all the way.

Zombies or Vampires?  The dark glasses and coolness really do it for me.  Tux is optional.

Witches or Hags?:  Gothy slutty witches.

Werewolves or Frankenstein?:  I must choose between 3 Franks-- Casanova Frankenstein, Dr. Frankenfurter, and Gene Wilder's Frankenstein (don't forget to pronounce that correctly!)  I think I'm going with Cas this year.

Black Cats or bats?:  Both.  I once saw a cat catch and eat a bat.

Trick or Treat?:  Depends on who or what knocks on my door... heh heh.

Candy Corn or Candy Apples?:  Apples candied in red hots and butter, smells wonderful.

Pumpkins or Squash?  Pumpkins, but I'm not adverse to spaghetti squash if anyone wants a duel.

Orange or Purple lights?  Orange is fine, all purple is super funky.  I'm not crazy about them mixed.

Toads or Spiders?:  ~ew~

Lanterns or Lit Pumpkins?:  Both!!!!  And luminaries, and spooky glow lights.

Skeletons or Mummies?:  I like them naked.

HALLOWEEN QUESTIONS:

What were you last year for Halloween?:  Absorbed in a live Ghost Hunters episode.  Sorry, world at large, I wasn't in costume of any kind.

What are you going to be this year?:  I'm thinking about being Eddie Izzard.  My hair cut is amazingly close to his this year, what a fluke.  First time I've ever had hair this short.  Now, the question is-- executive transvestite (can a woman pull that off???) or mascara facial hair (very 3D) like Doug Rich might have shaved a couple of days ago?

Favorite costume you have ever worn?:  My brother's Planet of the Apes mask, on which my glasses fit perfectly, so I looked like the scientist ape.  Unfortunately, I had to give it back to him to trick or treat in.

How do you spend your Halloween?:  In the days of yore, I drove the getaway car while we got pillowcase loads of stash.  Later on I wound up working or watching the door while Scott did the chauffeur duties, and this year I will glue myself to the tv watching Ghost Hunters again.

Are you or are you not going trick or treating this year?:  Might be funny to go next door in my beard...

Did or do you pull Halloween pranks?:  Oh, yeah, one year was so awesome.  We had this huge bowl of candy that we mixed in old broken crayons and stupid McDonald's and Sonic toys and cheap mardi gras beads and misc. Barbie shoes and accessories and all kinds of stuff in, you know, little rubber snakes and plastic bugs, just junk from when the girls were little, and I heard we were the coolest house on the street that year.  Another year I handed out bitter baking chocolate, I'm so mean.  Last year we ran out of candy so I handed out hot chocolate packets.  I've been known to toss some pretty bizarre things into the sacks.  Really old Easter and Christmas candy...

Do you believe in ghosts?  I kind of wonder sometimes if they ask each other, "Do you believe in humans?"  It's strange that we assume 'ghost' automatically stands for 'deceased human'.  We just lump everything weird into 'ghost'.  But nearly every house I've lived in has been strangely beset by unusual and sometimes quite surprising things, and one I visited that scared me half to death turned out to have been a murder site, so yeah, I think there's cool weird stuff going on.

Are you superstitious?  Always go to the bathroom before you set out on an adventure.  It's bad luck to get nervously gassy or soil yourself.  You wind up alone in the back of an old pickup freezing half to death.  I've learned this from experienced wise people who pass stories down through the ages.

Do you like caramel popcorn?:  The very best caramel popcorn I ever ate in my life was homemade, but I've never tried caramelizing it myself.

Have you ever gone in the country to look for pumpkins?  You'd be surprised what comes up in your own back yard after a good pumpkin smashing.

Have you ever been on a hayride?  You ask this of a person who used to be involved in hauling hay...  I'd call that a big yes.  But you mean a Halloween hayride, right?  Always good to know a farmer with a tractor and a flatbed.  Around here the really famous hayrides are done by old drunk Amish guys who try to scare the kids by making the horses go up and down these crazy inclines at weird angles on dark and blustery creepy hillsides.  Here they are going 2 mph and it scares the snot out of the kids.  I'm sure the horses wish they'd roll off.

Do you decorate your home for Halloween?:  I used to try.  I fail miserably at Halloween decor.  When we were kids, my parents had this big black iron pot like you cook outside in, and they filled it with dry ice.  That was cool.  I never went out of my way to do much, although one year we did try to make a little grave in the yard.  But now I have a couple of nice sets of Halloween mugs to drink my hot chocolate from.  Very satisfying.

Have you ever been to a haunted house?:  Yeah, but I'm not crazy about them.  I've known people who would run and slam into walls so hard they'd hurt themselves, and one girl even broke her braces, but I'm more likely to punch people.  You really don't want to get in my face and make me scream.  I have reflexes.

Have you ever been to a graveyard on Halloween?  I have no idea.  I remember partying in a graveyard and sticking my cigarette into a kid's eye when he tried to pull me down for a tiny teen gang rape *rolling my eyes*, but I can't remember if it was anywhere near Halloween.  I wobbled into the house and flopped onto my bed.  That's all I remember.

Have you ever attended a Halloween party?:  I think the coolest Halloween party we ever had was at our own house when we were kids, surprisingly.  We rarely got birthday parties, but I remember a couple of Halloween parties my mom threw that were the bomb.

Do you watch scary movies on Halloween?  I'd rather watch Halloween cartoons, like Bugs Bunny hanging out in the old castle singing Abra Cadabra.

Have you ever had your candy stolen from you?:  Scott is a sneaky guy.  I once got ONE bite sized snicker out of an entire bag.  Couple of days later, it was just gone.  And he stole all my vanilla tootsie rolls out of my tootsie roll bag last week.

Did you ever steal any ones candy?  Pilfered.  I pilfered tootsie rolls the whole time the kids were growing up.

Has anyone ever gotten hurt due to your prank?:  I don't think so, but since I spread my pranks out year round, and since I get away so I'll never get caught, it's hard to tell.  I heard a mild car wreck was involved once, but that may or may not have been my fault, and I was miles away by that time.

Have you ever dressed as a witch/warlock?:  No, 'fraid not.  Some day I'd like to dress up as a gypsy fortune teller, though, and be devastatingly beautiful, sexy, and mysterious.

Are your parents into Halloween?:  Mom used to be, Dad was usually against it.  He takes devil stuff pretty seriously.

Do you know someone who was born on Halloween?  My parent-in-laws' wedding anniversary is on Halloween.  They don't do anything special, in anticipation of your next question.

HAVE YOU EVER:

Passed out candy?:  I pretty much have to, since I'm not licensed to resell.

Bobbed for apples?:  I was really good at that once I figured it out.

Gone to a pumpkin patch?:  We accidentally raised a tiny little wild pumpkin patch and got a real pumpkin out of it one year.

Hosted a Halloween Party?  I'm not as insane as I look.

Attended a Halloween Party?:  Always good to leave cleanup with another host.

Made pumpkin pie?:  I love hot pumpkin pie fresh out of the oven.  I bet it would be good with ice cream.

Raked leaves?:  Briefly.  I saw big spiders and no other point to it.

Watched the Travel Channel with the Halloween specials?:  That was about as bad as watching home movies.  Maybe I caught a bad production, but I've never been back.

HAVE YOU SEEN:

Amityville Horror?:  I'm a virgin.

Halloween?:  I'm innocent.

Last House On The Left?  Never even heard of that one.

House Of Wax?:  Sorry.

Tales From The Crypt?   A couple.

The Exorcist?:  I tried.  I was at a friend's house.  I fell asleep and missed most of it.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre?:  No, but I knew a guy who took the front door of his house down and replaced it with a fake plywood door, and when a bunch of kids knocked, he fired up his chainsaw and sawed through the door.  They ALL ran screaming and never came back.

Pumpkinhead?:  Nope.  I seem to have missed some classics, eh?

The Sixth Sense?:  Ok, I've seen that one.  Is that considered a Halloween movie?

All or any of the Nightmare On Elm Street?:  Once again, I'm pure as the driven snow.

Practical Magic?  Are you making these up?  I've never even heard of it.

Any or all of The Simpsons Halloween episodes?:  Now THOSE I never miss.

The Munsters?:  I had a crush on Eddie Munster when I was a kid.  I know, I go from Eddie to Eddie.  I've done this my whole life.  Except for Billy Mumy.  The only Billy in my life.

The Addams Family?:  I would love to have a pet named Gomez.  By the way, I stuck that extra D in there for ya because it wasn't spelled right.  My very fave scene out of all the movies is when Debbie bursts into their house, cocks the rifle, and yells "In-laws!!!!" with a big smile on her face.

Elvira?:  I own that one.  Love the punked out poodle.

The Lost Boys?:  Keifer made a pretty good vampire, didn't he?

Contact?:  Um, no....  How about Hypercube?  You may as well mention a really outrageously weird movie like that one.

Hocus Pocus?:  Oddly, I actually like that movie.

Edward Scissorhands?:  I'm sorry, that's about as unHalloweeny as it gets, and I weep at the ending, and why in the WORLD didn't you ask about Sleepy Hollow?????????  Who is grasping at straws here?  I love Sleepy Hollow, that one was amazing.

Friday the 13th?:  *yawn*  No.

Childs Play?:  Virgin deluxe, I just don't have the patience for cheesy thrillers.

The Shining?:  Not even Jack himself can get me to sit down for that one.  How about Secret Window?  Or From Hell?  Or The Ninth Gate?  Man, these questions are seriously lacking some outstanding Johnny Depp thrillers.

Salems Lot?:  No, sorry.

Fright Night?:  No.  Ok, we could have more to choose from, like Teen Wolf, or Blade, or Van Helsing, Corpse Bride, or Nightmare Before Christmas, so why in the world is this survey suddenly stopping here?  Gee whiz, not even a mention of Ghostbusters.  And by the way, my very fave author in the entire world having anything to do with witches and death and vampires and zombies and all the stuff is Terry Pratchett.

Every Halloween, wherever I have my blog (it moves around), I post this link to the funniest movie review you ever read in your LIFE.
Grand Wizard

Go read it RIGHT NOW.

After that go watch this movie and then join me in costume.  I've got dibs on The Spleen.

Mystery Men (1999) Original Theatrical Trailer