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Thursday, October 23, 2014

60 questions people don’t ask

Originally posted on 6-24-12.

When’s the last time you ran? When I realized I’d forgotten about the stuff on the stove. Running doesn’t actually help at all from one room to the next when it’s already too late, but you feel like you at least tried.

Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them? Nobody ever thinks of their jeans as being a couple of long holes sewn together into a bigger short hole. The whole garment is a plethora of holes to begin with.

What are you dreading right now? I’m surprised to find out I am dreading something. How did you know? I mean, *I* didn’t even know. I’m racking my brain… nothing… wait… nope, I got nothing. Maybe you can tell me what I’m dreading right now. Survey creators are like Time Lords, you can’t outwit them.

Do you celebrate 420? I had to look that up to find out that is National Weed Day. And my first thought was Who the crap celebrates weeds?! Oh, survey maker, you corrupt me.

Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night? I think I hit that once in the last 15 or so years. Severe sleep disorder, yada yada, I’m lucky to get 4-6 hours on a good night, yada yada, if I’m ~really~ lucky I get two hours at a time, yada yada, been to sleep clinic, they booted me out because I only slept 20 minutes, yada yada… I’m living proof that severe sleep deprivation 1- doesn’t kill you like it feels like it will, 2- doesn’t destroy your health as much as drinking soda pop does, and 3- doesn’t age you any faster in the long run then getting lots of tans. And I know these things because I don’t drink soda pop or get tans, and people never guess my age right. I think a more pertinent question would be What is the longest you’ve gone without sleeping more than 2 hours a night? And to this I reply Six weeks during the worst migraine in my life and I couldn’t lay down at all and had to sleep two minutes at a time sitting up holding my head. And nearly 20 years getting the 4-6 hours a night. All you pansies out there can suck it up.

If anyone came to your house on your “lazy days” what would ya’ll do? I’all would feed you’un up. That’s what I’s born to do.

Who last grabbed your ass? *HUG* You, survey maker, just won my grand prize of honorable mention for using one of my fave movies in a survey questionnaire.




Have you ever been on your school’s track team? I actually begged to do that in middle school. I was awesome at hurdles because I loved jumping everything I could at home. I was the original hardcore parkour junkie, long long long before it was oh so cool. I jumped out of trees, off the roof of the house, over every fence I could, jumped my bike over ditches and stuff. Wrecked. But oh so cool. Anyway, no I wasn’t allowed to join the track team. My dad said it wasn’t necessary.

Do you own a pair of Converse? asics. They’re like walking on pillows.



Did you copy and paste this survey? Totally ripped it off, yes.

Do you eat raw cookie dough? I challenge anyone to beat me at this. One December some years ago I was making gallons of cookie dough for Christmas and wound up with a colonoscopy after not being able to eat for 3 weeks. Everything turned out fine, but see kids, THIS is why you don’t eat cookie dough 3 meals a day. I don’t do that any more, but at the time I thought I was in heaven. I can’t help wondering if this little stressor is what triggered my peanut allergy.

Have you ever kicked a vending machine? When you work a hotel desk you see people do all kinds of things to vending machines. Better on the machine than me. I handed out free popcorn with the money I gave back to them. We had this one machine that was so screwed up that stuff would actually get to the point of being impossible to have NOT dropped, and ~still~ insanely just hung there through all kinds of machine abuse, so I got to where I’d start my shift purposely feeding coins in just to get it ready to go, and some lucky person would get a double treat first thing. I noticed no one ever returned the freebie.

Don’t you hate it when the radio ruins good songs by playing them over and over? It’s even worse when you never even listen to the radio except once a week in the car going to an appointment, and then the next week you hear the exact same lineup again at the exact same time because you glance at the console clock at the same time and place in the song and road that you did the week before and go through this deja vu crap messing up your head. I have enough trouble keeping my weeks straight as it is, they could at least shuffle them.

Do you watch Trading Spaces? I can’t watch stuff like that, it stresses me out. I’d rather wake up to the zombie apocalypse than swap out my cave.

How do you eat oreos? Never…? I think the survey maker is losing the temporal connection to my spacetime locality.

Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone? Let’s think ahead and ask Have you ever repeated this experience because you didn’t learn from the first time?

Are you cocky? I lack roosters. All hens out there.

 

Could you live without a computer? Easily. I rarely log on at all. I’m on braincation.

Do you wear your shoes in the house? My podiatrist wishes I would. He commanded me to BUY GOOD SHOES to wear in my house, so I bought these and thought Cool, I look like a space cadet. Until I discovered about a month later that everyone in the Heaven’s Gate mass suicide was wearing identical shoes… which I first saw on Ancient Aliens: Season 3, Episode 12 “Aliens and Deadly Cults”



Who or what sleeps with you? I get the occasional spider running across my face, which really ticks me off, especially given the sleep disorder mentioned above. I am a spider magnet, it’s creepy. They march out into the open and present themselves to me like I’m the queen, and freeze on spot trembling knowing they’ll be killed but unable to move. It really looks like that, too, I have a witness.

At what age did you find out that Santa wasn’t real? First grade, I bawled in my lunch, ruined my whole day.

How many phones, house phones and cell phones are in your house? I think we still have old ones stashed around here, no idea. I’ll have the spare parts people are always needing on tv shows about death and devastation and surviving on your wits and scrounging tech parts.

What do you do when you’re sad? I’m lately dealing with that being a continual underlying theme with my psychologist. And this is one of the best questions I’ve ever seen on a silly survey, besides the one that left me wondering a couple of years ago whether the survey maker had helped bury a body. I’m thinking this list of questions is how our survey maker is handling being sad right now.

Who would you call first if you won the lottery? Prolly best to just take off in the night before anyone can block my driveway.

Last time you saw your best friend? I’m pretty sure it was around 4:50 this morning, but I was so close to sleep walking that I’m unreliable.

Are you in high school? I’m so glad I’m not. I don’t miss that one bit.

What jewelry are you wearing? I have some headphones slung around my neck.

Is anyone on your bad side now? Nope, it’s all good here. Well, I’m not keen on one of my sons-in-law right now, but bravely resisting the urge to whine about the good one that got shredded and thrown to the crows for something I personally think is trivial, but then, who am I to judge nidiots making what I think are poor decisions after all the stuff I’ve done in my life, right? Right. I just keep my mouth shut. Mostly. I try really hard, anyway.

What’s the first thing you do when you get online? Put my away message on. “Sorry I missed you, my brain is on hold.”

Do you watch Grey’s Anatomy? Not a single episode.

How do most people spell your name? It’s mystifying how uniquely I’ve seen my name spelled in a variety of ways. I didn’t know it was so phonetically capable.

Would you wear a boy/girlfriends clothes? Scott’s got such a tiny butt, it’s physically impossible. He really is beautiful in the shower. Dang, you distracted me.

Where do you work? This room, that room, outside… Always something to stay busy. I’m currently working on several projects and needed a break before my brain explodes.

What are you doing tomorrow? Ok, my brain exploded.

Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson? This is the perfect place to crack a racial slur, like do you think he’s white enough, but I’m floored how anyone could think another soul could hold a candle to Michael Jackson. What is he doing, storing bodily fluids in ziplock bags or something? Shooting up anesthetics? Building ferris wheels? Actually, I had a Michael Jackson poster in my bedroom from when he was still black, and I loved the guy, so no, Justin Timberlake, no. I think my survey maker is blowing a fuse or something, prolly all that undealt with sadness.

Favorite name for a girl? Already gave it to my kiddo.

Favorite name for a boy? I’m hoping like mad we’re not going to have the chance to try that out, I’m kinda having one of those midlife pregnancy scares. But if it happens, I’ll fight for something Irish since the other one is Irishly named (the first thing out of *everyone’s* mouths is “Not Liam!”, and no worries, no, not that). (Ok, everyone so far is two people.)

Will you keep your last name when you get married? My first last name was so gone a long time ago. Got tired of having to spell it out for everyone. Too bad we don’t use a schluss S here, or umlauts.

When was the last time you left your house? I leave it all the time. I have this curious conflicting life where I adore being reclusive but am either so in demand or having too much anxiety to handle being alone that I feel compelled to leave the house constantly.

Do you return your cart? Without hesitation. There were a couple of years where I literally couldn’t, and I so appreciate being able to do that now.

Do you have a dishwasher? Just me.  

What noise do you hear? Monster bugs hitting the window. I’m about ready for a couple of frogs to camp out on my deck.

Would you survive in prison? I would have no problem stabbing people if I had a good excuse *ahem*, I mean, reason to.

Who is the youngest in your family? Well, it might be the false alarm I’m having…

If all of your friends were going on a road trip, who would most likey overpack? All of my friends, I am so cracking up. I have one friend. And yes, he over packed on his last trip.

Do you know anyone with the same name as you? *roll eyes here* There are at least 5 other me’s within 50 miles of my house. I find that disturbing. And it’s really annoying when someone in a pharmacy thinks they have to alert my doctor that I’m trying to get controlled meds and my doctor interrogates me and I’m oblivious and, like, where the heck is this coming from, and when it all boils down it’s another me with a different birthday. Human error affects my life in so many ways on a fairly weekly basis.

What’s the last thing you purchased? I picked up a cheap dvd player to experiment on. I read somewhere how to reprogram players for all regions, so I can buy region 2 stuff off amazon that we don’t get here.

Do your siblings ever pay for stuff for you? I don’t sponge off them, if that’s what you mean. I’m going to guess that the survey maker, based on previous questions, is still in high school and can’t afford stuff and an older sibling buys something for them once in awhile…?

What brand are your pants right now? Like pants. I wonder if the survey maker is feeling kinda guilty or something.

Ever been to Georgia (the state)? And lives in Georgia. The state. And having to say it like that indicates this person is aware of the European/Russian Georgia political lines or something. Just sayin’.

What irritates you most on the internet? ADS. Constant ads everywhere.

What brand is your digital camera? Wouldn’t Nikon be an awesome name for a chicken? But I think the next batch is getting themed with Ghostbusters, so that’ll have to wait. When I was in high school we had twin goats named Timex and Speidel.

Do you watch movies with your parents? I don’t watch movies with anyone except Scott, and he’s about burned out. I can take any movie in the world an turn it into an MST3K fest, I can’t help it. Before Mike Nelson came along, I had no idea anyone else ever did stuff like that. The new Star Trek movie in 2009 got several lengthy posts here (which I’ve since quietly put away into a drawer), and *still* I ask- if all it takes is one little drop of red matter to implode a planet into a black hole, why, oh why did Spock have so much of it in the first place… Can you say o-m-g in Vulcan? ILLOGICAL. Where is Sheldon Cooper on this? Why have I not heard him complaining?

What song best describes your life right now? INVINCIBLE.




Do you own expensive perfume/cologne? My fave has been discontinued. I weep. I would love to try Lady Gaga’s new Fame, but since I’m already having to avoid everything with citrus and nuts at the top of a growing list, I can’t imagine thinking I can get away with a spritz of belladonna and apricot. Oral Allergy Syndrome I had to abandon sitting in church a long time ago, thanx to the cacophony of colognes and hair products all around me. Now, if someone were to come out with a benadryl-esque fragrance, THAT I would try.

Are you taking college classes right now? I am never *not* doing mega research and studying.

Do you like sushi? I’ve never tried it, but if I ever do I’ll have to do vegetarian sushi because I’ve recently come up with shellfish and seafood allergic reactions, too. I know, life sux sometimes. I’m currently waiting on a company to get back with me on a list of ingredients in their kosher vegetarian vitamins. There’s just about nothing else I can take, so I’m crossing my fingers that their “vegetable” ingredients don’t include legumes (seriously, my peanut allergy seems to have jumped the shark, arg!), mango (related to cashews, which make me anaphylactic), or any citrus at all. They already claim to be free of milk, egg, fish, shellfish, tree nuts, peanuts, and wheat. It’s like the old chicken feed we used to get, broke my arms out and had me itching like mad, and we found out that ‘ground vegetable protein’ was very possible entire peanut plants, so now even my chicken feed has to list every ingredient. So yeah, I wanna know what the heck is in my vitamins, and definitely my sushi.

Do you get your hair cut every month? Lately I’ve been in a rut where I get it mowed super short and then let it grow out and then get it mowed again about a year later or something, but I’m thinking I’m getting about tired of having teeny weeny hair, even if I can be out in the wind and still look great without hair products (which break me out). I think at it’s longest, my hair made it to 3 feet long one year. I might try for something like that again.

Do you go online everyday? I cut that out over the last year. I know, I know, severe withdrawal after obliterating twitter and destroying facebook and all that, but I seriously needed a break. I can go all week now without checking my email and it doesn’t bother me at all. I think it’s important to realize that the people online aren’t as immediately important as the people around us in our lives. Besides, it all pales in comparison when bigger things happen. You can’t get back what you miss, you know? So don’t miss it.

Will you pass this survey on to 5 people? Nah, just email it to yourselves so you can fill it out, too.