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Thursday, October 23, 2014

Lie, Cheat, Steal, Love survey

Originally posted on 8-19-08.

***L*I*E*** 

How often do you lie?
As often as people need to be controlled in their silly little knee jerk reactions to trivial stuff that doesn’t deserve half the emotional attention it’s getting.

Are you a good liar?
I am often shockingly blunt in my honesty, so nobody *ever* suspects when I lie.

Do you get away with it?
I’m very good at changing the subject.

What is the worst (horrible) lie you have ever told?
I calmly sat in a waiting room and read a magazine while my pulse was 180+ and my BP was 210/110.  I was ‘acting’ like nothing was wrong so Scott would calm down.  I guess that’s a big lie, isn’t it?  Some day I’ll be croaking off in a twisted spasm of ultimate pain and assuring everyone it’s just gas or something.  I think my psychologist would like for me to be more honest about having fear or something and cry in front of everyone, but I can’t handle other people freaking out.  Getting upset on top of everything would probably have finished me off.  You may not think this is a ‘horrible’ lie, but it was horrible for ME.

What is the worst (stupid) lie you have ever told?
“I’m fine.”  When I’m ~so~ not fine that it’s scary.  And I have to drive.  With children in the car.  In heavy high speed multiple lane traffic.

Are white lies okay?
They are absolutely necessary.  That’s why I blog privately, so I can lie to everyone else in real life and then dump how I really feel there.  You don’t live next to in-laws for 15 years without learning to do this.  Unless you’re stupid.

What is the last white lie you told?
Sorry, I don’t publicly incriminate myself.

Did you lie a lot when you were younger?
No.  I had to learn to do this.  As an aspie, I was naive beyond innocence, and was an easy target for even the ‘nicest’ of people.  I seem to bring out the really ugly side of ‘good’ people with my sheer openness and trust.

About what?
The first big lie I ever really told was to my mom when I was 14.  She was making me take some new pills that were making me very sick in order to ‘fix’ me (an abuse that had been going on for years), and I had to learn to hide them under my tongue and convince her I swallowed them.  I can look back now and see that she probably should have been under psychiatric care, and that I’d probably have died if I hadn’t learned to do that because the pills were illegal and doing nasty things to me.  Because of that and many other very strange experiences I’ve had with other people, I’ve learned not to trust anyone EVER.  Except Scott.

Did you fool your parents?
Neither one of them paid enough attention to me for me to need to fool them about anything else otherwise.

Have you ever been caught in a lie?
I will give you an example of how far my lies have gone.  While I was a senior in high school, I was very miserable and especially hated a certain science teacher.  One morning my bus arrived earlier than usual, and I saw the janitor come out of his classroom and not close the door properly.  It was a self locking door because of the chemicals stored in the room.  I snuck in and closed the door behind me.  We were to have a test that day, and I was angry because the teacher had punished the class and refused to go over some vital information with us.  I found a roll of masking tape, and flying like a bat out of hell managed to tape up every piece of glass and furniture throughout the room in big long tangles of tape, and still made it out the door and closed it solid shut just in the nick of time.  The teacher saw me by the door, but since it was locked never even suspected I’d been able to get in.  The damage was so bad that the test was canceled and we spent the entire hour peeling tape off everything while he cussed us all out.  The other kids thought it was fantastic, but no one EVER found out it was me.  Part of what makes a lie great is not getting the glory for it.  This was one of many things I pulled off in my last year of high school and never got caught.  The best part of the whole thing was no one ever believed it was even possible I would do anything like that, so no one even glanced my way.  I didn’t realize until my 30′s that was probably why a certain group of boys wound up in the principal’s office so often.

What was it about?
That year was about me being very angry at how easily neglected I was in the school system, falling through every crack without one person reaching out to me.  In fact, a number of teachers made sure I knew how ‘nice’ they were being to me not failing me because they knew I had more potential, but I don’t call 30 seconds of saying that per semester ‘reaching out’.  No one in that school ever knew the real me. 

Do you have a guilty conscious?
Nope.  And I’m sorry, but it’s conscience.  Some of the mistakes in these surveys are getting pretty annoying.  I can understand the little typos, but using words incorrectly that are evidently your native language make you look less than brilliant.  I feel no guilt saying this.

How can someone tell when you are lying?
They can’t.  I’m a Vulcan.

***C*H*E*A*T***

Do you cheat on tests?
I have never cheated on tests.  I have allowed others to cheat off me on tests.  I secretly laughed at how stupid they were.

Have you ever been caught cheating on a test?
The teacher I hated most tried to accuse me of doing the cheating one time, because two guys near me had identical answers to mine.  But since I sat on the very front, and since we all got very low grades, I pointed out how much that didn’t make sense.  (He was too stupid to realize I was causing them to flunk class.)  He eventually found another reason to ask me to drop the class, which was a physics class, because my pinewood derby car was the first ever to beat his during a physics experiment, and I was able to demonstrate how.  I have the last laugh.  I have a whole room full of physics books now, and could probably give lower class college lectures on most of it, even though I’ve never had formal training in that field.

Have you ever caught someone else cheating on a test?
Even after all that happened, those boys continued to cheat off me.  Idiots.

Have you ever cheated on a bf or gf?
I have never cheated on ANY person I was seeing, dating, or married to.  I’ve never understood how other people could so easily do that, but since I’m aspie and a bit on the asexual side, I really don’t care.

Have you ever been caught cheating on your bf or gf?
No one cheats on Jack Bauer and lives.  I’ve tried explaining that to Scott, but he says he’s not afraid of Jack Bauer.

Would you ever cheat on your current bf or gf?
Sorry, I don’t do sex cheating.  I’m afraid I’m pretty boring (and dependable) in that respect.

Would you ever cheat on them with some famous model/actor/actress?
Why would that make a difference?

What if you were completely sure you would never be caught?
*yawn*  I don’t understand the need people feel to emotionally bond and use their bodies as pledges for things like g/f, b/f, marriage, partner, or ’significant other’ if they have such a problem with wanting to boink anything else that’s pretty or flatters them.  If all it takes is feeling sorry for ourselves or a little lust to obliterate the feelings of someone we claim to love, whether or not we get ~caught~, that’s just pretty poor sport in my eyes.  It completely negates the word LOVE.  But again, I have Asperger’s, and I hear that makes me faulty.

Have you ever been cheated on?
I’ve never cared.  I know Scott never has, but the rest of them, I never cared.  If Scott ever does, I’ll laugh my head off, and he knows it.

***S*T*E*A*L***

Have you ever stolen before?
This might get a little odd.

If so what?
I tend to enjoy sucking hidden truths out of people’s heads, against all their conscious defenses.

Do you think stealing is a serious crime?
Are we talking about stealing in general now, or me stealing people’s innermost secrets?  Or Jack Bauer going after terrorists stealing nuclear warheads?

What would you do if you caught someone stealing from you?
People steal from me all the time.  I tend to encourage it.  It gives me the upper hand.

Have you ever stolen someone’s heart?
I have no idea how to do that, although it seems to happen every little bit without me having a clue.

What was the last thing you stole?
Probably Scott’s innocent belief in something or other.  I’m pretty good at swiping the blinders off people.

Ever had anything stolen from you?
I’m too lazy to check.

If so, what?
Most likely medication I was allergic to anyway.

What is one thing that you would steal if you could get away with it with NO consequences?
I’ve never cheated at Monopoly, and I have no desire to steal on the job or from other people.  But I might swipe an old recipe book or magazine you have laying around.  I’ve actually had plenty of opportunity to steal a LOT.  I have a second cousin or something who is big time into silver jewelry distribution out of Mexico, and she showed me drawers full of silver, white gold, and platinum jewelry and then walked off with a glass of wine in her hand to talk to her sister in another room.  I never took a single piece.  If I were to estimate the worth of that room, I’d say at least a couple million dollars.  I was also in charge of $7 million in merchandise in a big retail chain, and covered two other departments on top of that.  Never took anything.  I’ve seen other people do things like drag little girls into dressing rooms and pile 7 or 8 bras on them under their shirts and throw all the tags on the floor, and when I follow them to the front of the store they tell the kid to walk out the door, and there is nothing we could do to stop them.  I don’t know what’s wrong with people like that.  I’ve heard there is some kind of adrenaline rush from the thrill, but when you drag little kids into it, that’s pretty lame.

***L*O*V*E***

Are you currently in love?
I’m always in love.  I can’t help it.

If so, with who?
Mostly Scott, with a little Jack Bauer, Eddie Izzard, and Willy Wonka (Depp style) thrown in.  There are still faint traces of Mr. Spock and Will from the original Lost in Space series.  Oh, and Steve Buscemi.

When was the last time you were in love?
~Constantly.~

How long does it take you to fall in love?
I don’t think I’ve ever not been in love in some way or another, although I’ve always had an odd way of showing it, as per my Mark Shell post.

How many times have you really been in love?
Scott is the only real person I’ve ever felt super glued to.

Do you think there were times you thought you were in love when you weren’t?
It’s actually reversed with me.  I usually have no idea I’m in love when I really am.  It takes me a few weeks or months (sometimes years) to process feelings and impressions.  It’s the aspie way.

How fast do you tell a significant other that you love them?
Sounds like the survey maker goes through ‘significant others’ fast enough to have to wonder this stuff.

How often do you tell your parents you love them?
Not every time we speak.

How often do you tell your bf or gf?
Occasionally.  If I say it too often, Scott can tell I’m feeling needy and pouty.

Do you tell your friends?
I used to.  Friends are a funny thing.  They come and go, and they usually want something from me, even if it’s only validation and attention.  Once they get what they want, or they find it better someplace else, or they simply get tired of me, they move on.

Have you ever said I love you and not meant it?
This should go in the **lies** section.  Of course I have.  You learn to do that during holidays with in-laws and distant relatives you barely ever see.

Have you ever said I love you but I’m not in love with you?
No.  I’m not one of ‘those’ people who unconsciously set up the head games in the first place that lead to having to do that.

Are you a slave to love?
Never.

Do you love yourself?
I’m totally fine with myself.  I’m not narcissistic, but when *I* die, I’m not going to nag God about the body he put me in.  And since I’m honest with myself, I have no angst about me to feel the need to escape.

What is the best thing about love?
It inspires me to be a better person for the people I love.  Otherwise I’d probably be a hermit in a cave eating bugs.