1. Do you like blue cheese?
This is the most outstanding question I’ve ever been asked on a survey. *applause* I love blue, and I love cheese. Oddly, I don’t eat blue cheese.
2. Have you ever smoked?
Voraciously. Fortunately I grew very ill within a year and was forced to quit forever. I haven’t smoked in 20 years. And for those of you who smoke and really believe things like the lungs start healing as soon as you quit smoking and they are the fastest organs in the body to heal (I’ve actually heard heavy smokers use these things as excuses to ~keep~ smoking), I have a couple of lungs full of scar tissue that say differently. I only smoked for a year and a half. Think about it.
3. Do you own a gun?
Cool, isn’t it?
4. What flavor Kool Aid was your favorite?
I was ~not~ a kool-aid kid growing up. I find this guy disturbing.
Not enough to soak my pickles in it like one person I found…. 
But that didn’t stop me from sneakily swiping kool-aid points during VBS as a kid so I could send off for free stuff, and later I hit the VBS jackpot as an adult and collected enough points to get my kids free rides at the fair during a big promo. But we all know the Jim Jones kool-aid massacre… Which leads to a whole new era of Wall Street verbage.
But that didn’t stop me from sneakily swiping kool-aid points during VBS as a kid so I could send off for free stuff, and later I hit the VBS jackpot as an adult and collected enough points to get my kids free rides at the fair during a big promo. But we all know the Jim Jones kool-aid massacre… Which leads to a whole new era of Wall Street verbage.
And you thought this was an innocent survey question.
5.Do you get nervous before doctor appointment?
I think they cringe more than I do. They throw pills out into the hallway, hoping I’ll go after them.
I think they cringe more than I do. They throw pills out into the hallway, hoping I’ll go after them.
6. What do you think of hot dogs?
I’m extremely disappointed in them. They were much better when I was a kid and there were all these rumors going around that they used ground up chicken feathers and hog snouts and horse meat.
I’m extremely disappointed in them. They were much better when I was a kid and there were all these rumors going around that they used ground up chicken feathers and hog snouts and horse meat.
7. Favorite Christmas movie?
There are so many of those out there now that they have to start showing them before Thanksgiving just to squeeze them all in by New Year’s. I really hate tv programming throughout December. I got stuck doing a Nielsen rating the week of Thanksgiving one year, I kid you not, and I had to write tons of extra notes about the shows I *would* have been watching during regular programming. I let them know how much holiday programming sux. I have heard, though, that this year the Sunday before Thanksgiving is a new 24 2-parter, so mark your calendar.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
I make my own hot chocolate from scratch. I bypass those corn syrup solids and whatever. It makes me feel powerful to neener the high fructose companies.
I make my own hot chocolate from scratch. I bypass those corn syrup solids and whatever. It makes me feel powerful to neener the high fructose companies.
9. Can you do push ups?
Can Jack Bauer catch a break? NO. Although I am back on the strength training now (barely), thank goodness. What a long stinkin’ year this has been. Thank God and fans for youtube.
Can Jack Bauer catch a break? NO. Although I am back on the strength training now (barely), thank goodness. What a long stinkin’ year this has been. Thank God and fans for youtube.
10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry?
I used to have this earring thing. I once owned nearly 50 pairs of earrings. Then I realized I’d have to wear a different pair every single day for 4 months just to cover them all. So I gave a whole bunch away and started buying more. Then I thought Crap, I’m doing it again. So I gave them away and limited my earring habit to just one new pair every so many months. Then, dang it, I went to work in a retail store and they put me in a jewelry counter… You guessed it, I loaded up again, because I had my pick of the red tag stuff with an employee discount. I’ve had them for a few years and have come to realize I no longer like them, so I’m starting to give them away again. Real gold and gemstones, out the door. There are only a handful of earrings I hang onto now. I have one pair that Scott gave me many years ago, and they are so ugly that they’re cool. They are pewter daisies with pink rhinestones in the stem. I hate pink. And in the stem? Weird. But because HE gave them to me, they will always grace my ears till the end, and they will always be my favorite, even though they’ve never gone with any clothing I have. I wear them quite often, in spite of having owned a really dazzling array of nice earrings over the last two decades. They are the most unique pieces of crap I’ve ever seen.
I think I like that they’re pewter.
11. Favorite hobby?
*filling out survey* ~sticking tongue out side of mouth while I think…~ Question 11. Favorite hobby?
12. Do you have A.D.D.?
I married into an entire family with ADD. It’s not unlike being in a roomful of little yappy dogs. No offense to anyone with ADD. I have Asperger’s myself, so just an observation from another mind set in the mentally diverse world we live in. I find ADD people amusing. They find me annoying as hell.
*filling out survey* ~sticking tongue out side of mouth while I think…~ Question 11. Favorite hobby?
12. Do you have A.D.D.?
I married into an entire family with ADD. It’s not unlike being in a roomful of little yappy dogs. No offense to anyone with ADD. I have Asperger’s myself, so just an observation from another mind set in the mentally diverse world we live in. I find ADD people amusing. They find me annoying as hell.
13. What’s one trait you hate about yourself?
I look like my mom. 
No offense to my mom, but it’s like, geez, now I know how I’m going to look when I’m 65, you know? I wanted to be a little more unique than that. I sometimes wonder if animals are disappointed at the surprising lack of variety within their breeds. I’m a Heinz and I still look like my mom.
No offense to my mom, but it’s like, geez, now I know how I’m going to look when I’m 65, you know? I wanted to be a little more unique than that. I sometimes wonder if animals are disappointed at the surprising lack of variety within their breeds. I’m a Heinz and I still look like my mom.
14. Middle name?
It is probably the most popular middle name EVER on this earth. BOR-ING.
It is probably the most popular middle name EVER on this earth. BOR-ING.
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.
1. My hand hurts from protecting my chickens, and yet I am forcing it to do my will and keep typing. I am so cruel. You didn’t know my hand and I have been bickering until this question came along.
2. Scott wants me to cook him some asparagus for dinner… I will be a good wife and cook asparagus, because that sure beats rutabagas.
3. You know, I think I’m going to let my hand win this one and stop here for now.
I will be a good wife and cook asparagus, because that sure beats rutabagas.3. You know, I think I’m going to let my hand win this one and stop here for now.
16. 3 drinks you regularly drink?
Why do questions like these show up in nearly every survey I fill out? Is this a filler question for when the survey maker’s mind goes blank?
17. Current worry?
I had a small anxiety attack around 4:30 the other morning that the CMV was reactivating, but it turned out to be a touch of thrush and a stomach bug going around, thank goodness.
I had a small anxiety attack around 4:30 the other morning that the CMV was reactivating, but it turned out to be a touch of thrush and a stomach bug going around, thank goodness.
18. Current hate right now?
Negligent dog owners. I don’t want to talk about the mutilation and carnage that nearly happened in my yard.
Negligent dog owners. I don’t want to talk about the mutilation and carnage that nearly happened in my yard.
19. Favorite place to be?
In my bed would be pretty sweet right now, but the dang carbon monoxide detector batteries decided to die around 2:45 and chirped me into utter consciousness.
In my bed would be pretty sweet right now, but the dang carbon monoxide detector batteries decided to die around 2:45 and chirped me into utter consciousness.
20. How did you bring in the New Year?
I’m tired of being accused of being the one who brought it in. I swear, it wasn’t me.
I’m tired of being accused of being the one who brought it in. I swear, it wasn’t me.
21. Where would you like to go?
Over there.
Over there.
22. Name three people who will complete this?
The Priceline Negotiator, Tony Almeida, and Weird Al.
The Priceline Negotiator, Tony Almeida, and Weird Al.
23. Do you own slippers?
First you ask if I own a gun, now you ask if I own slippers… I have to be honest, my respect for you as a survey maker has come down at least 50 points from where we started out.
24. What color shirt are you wearing right now?
I can’t take this crap any more, I’m going back to bed.
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
Geez, I get back up and you are asking about how I like to sleep. How uncanny is that? I’m into super high thread count Egyptian cotton, and since you were polite enough not to ask, they are a beautiful merlot color. You’re lucky, this is the first time I’ve ever truthfully answered a question about my bedding.
26. Can you whistle?
There is a guy around these parts who is famous for his nonstop whistling everywhere he goes, makes it onto the news every little bit. He whistled his way around the store I worked in one day, about drove me ~CRAZY~. I was ready to bean the guy with a frying pan in housewares. I don’t care how cool your whistling is, it’s freakin’ annoying. Professional whistlers are a dying breed for some reason…
27. Favorite color?
Um, BLUE.
28. Would you be a pirate?
29. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I have never sung in the shower. What is up with that? Why do people do that?
30. Favorite Girl’s Name?
Do you mean the name of my favorite girl, or the coolest name I can think of for a girl? This survey is rapidly deteriorating, I can hardly believe the same person is doing this as the one who started out. Can I assume alcohol is being ingested?
31. What makes you laugh?
Burying survey makers under big trees on dark nights.
32. Best bed sheets as a child?
Ok, rip off. This one has been so ripped off. *lining up arrow in sights*
33. Worst injury you’ve ever had?
~twang!~ Hurts, don’t it?
34. How many TVs do you have in your house?
*stalking survey maker around a corner…*
35. Does someone have a crush on you?
Stop writhing, I have to push it on through to get it out.
36.Your favorite book?
You’re not going to ask me about my bed sheets as a child any more, are you. ARE YOU.
37. What is your favorite candy?
Shut up, I hate it when survey makers cry like that.
38. Favorite Sports Team?
I don’t commit myself to just one team. I cheer both sides on equally. The important thing is the food.
39. What song do you want played at your funeral?
With any luck the nursing home staff will sing a rousing chorus of Horse With No Name.
40. What was the last thing that made you cry?
Raise your hand if you really thought that commercial made me cry.
41. Favorite boys name?
Wow, really shuffled the ol’ question deck, eh?
42. Do you have a crush on someone?
I think you could learn useful survey skills and techniques from these people.
43 Would you like to be a police officer?
This one really should have been up there with the blue cheese question. Seriously, survey maker person, ~what happened~? You started off so magnificently. Btw, a couple of my cousins actually tried talking me into joining the police force. It was tempting. I liked the gun. I hated the hat. I’m not a hat person.
First you ask if I own a gun, now you ask if I own slippers… I have to be honest, my respect for you as a survey maker has come down at least 50 points from where we started out.
24. What color shirt are you wearing right now?
I can’t take this crap any more, I’m going back to bed.
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
Geez, I get back up and you are asking about how I like to sleep. How uncanny is that? I’m into super high thread count Egyptian cotton, and since you were polite enough not to ask, they are a beautiful merlot color. You’re lucky, this is the first time I’ve ever truthfully answered a question about my bedding.
26. Can you whistle?
There is a guy around these parts who is famous for his nonstop whistling everywhere he goes, makes it onto the news every little bit. He whistled his way around the store I worked in one day, about drove me ~CRAZY~. I was ready to bean the guy with a frying pan in housewares. I don’t care how cool your whistling is, it’s freakin’ annoying. Professional whistlers are a dying breed for some reason…
27. Favorite color?
Um, BLUE.
28. Would you be a pirate?
29. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I have never sung in the shower. What is up with that? Why do people do that?
30. Favorite Girl’s Name?
Do you mean the name of my favorite girl, or the coolest name I can think of for a girl? This survey is rapidly deteriorating, I can hardly believe the same person is doing this as the one who started out. Can I assume alcohol is being ingested?
31. What makes you laugh?
Burying survey makers under big trees on dark nights.
32. Best bed sheets as a child?
Ok, rip off. This one has been so ripped off. *lining up arrow in sights*
33. Worst injury you’ve ever had?
~twang!~ Hurts, don’t it?
34. How many TVs do you have in your house?
*stalking survey maker around a corner…*
35. Does someone have a crush on you?
Stop writhing, I have to push it on through to get it out.
36.Your favorite book?
You’re not going to ask me about my bed sheets as a child any more, are you. ARE YOU.
37. What is your favorite candy?
Shut up, I hate it when survey makers cry like that.
38. Favorite Sports Team?
I don’t commit myself to just one team. I cheer both sides on equally. The important thing is the food.
39. What song do you want played at your funeral?
With any luck the nursing home staff will sing a rousing chorus of Horse With No Name.
40. What was the last thing that made you cry?
Raise your hand if you really thought that commercial made me cry.
41. Favorite boys name?
Wow, really shuffled the ol’ question deck, eh?
42. Do you have a crush on someone?
I think you could learn useful survey skills and techniques from these people.
43 Would you like to be a police officer?
This one really should have been up there with the blue cheese question. Seriously, survey maker person, ~what happened~? You started off so magnificently. Btw, a couple of my cousins actually tried talking me into joining the police force. It was tempting. I liked the gun. I hated the hat. I’m not a hat person.
44. What is your favorite movie?
It’s a toss up between Monster’s Inc and Galaxy Quest.
