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Thursday, September 4, 2014

100 things- (egads…)

Originally posted 4-15-09.

I’d like to preface this survey with the admission that, yes, I know this one is incredibly stupid, but, dang it, I feel too rotten to sleep and I’m tired of everything else.  This will probably take a whole month to finish.


Basics.
1. Real name- I am the Grand Poobah of the chicken world.  Ye need not know more.
2. Nickname- Don’t fall for this trick.
3. Status- pan-dimensional.
5. Male or female - Wo, 4 and 6-9 are missing!  Basics– if you don’t notice a bunch more numbers missing, you’re not very bright.
10. Hair color- The real question is why all those numbers are missing.  Did someone get angry and remove them?  Sloppy?  (Don’t drink and type!!!)  Or is this a test put here by the survey maker?  Or, even scarier, was this survey created in an alt universe where those numbers don’t exist and somehow quantumly showed up here by accident?  It’s driving me crazy, wondering what questions I don’t get to answer!
11. Long or short- We can’t tell from the inside whether our universe is bottlenecking through another cluster of universes, but somehow we all feel like some days last forever, and some days just fly by.  Perhaps 24 hours isn’t always necessarily 24 hours.

15. Are you a health freak- I like okra grown by Amish people.  The health thing is just a side effect.  Yes, I know, we seem to have lost 12-14.
16. Height- Everyone knows that the 4-foot chicken was a myth.
17. Do you have a crush on someone- Scott had me buzz his hair, and he’s so cute now I can hardly stand it.
18. Do you like yourself- I like the pain that spikes through every cell in my body and every twinge of conscience in my soul.  There’s just something about feeling ~alive~.  I’ve seriously asked God not to ever do this to me again, even if I chose it before I came here.
19. Piercings- I suddenly played Hell of Knives Falling yesterday and one of them hit my foot.  Dishwashing + klutziness = danger.
20. Tattoos- Why is the buzz word ‘tat’?  Why not ‘too’?  “Hey, got any toos?”  I think that would sound cooler.
21. Righty or lefty- My left eye is the most blind, my left ear is the most deaf, and for some reason that I can’t fathom, I always turn my left side to whatever I’m trying to focus on or hear when I don’t get something.  I know the left pathways go to my right brain, so I’m wondering if the right brain is the one trying to do all the processing.  That would kinda make sense if the cranial nerve damage on the left side also had something to do with the temporary loss of ability to count change back and type in credit card numbers a few years ago.  Right Brain vs. Left Brain

Firsts.
22. First surgery- Do wisdom teeth count?  My only other one was SVT radio ablation on my heart.  I’m always confused how to answer this one.  I think it should be reworded into ‘most impressive surgery’.
23. First piercing- I tried to count the scars on my hands, and it’s impossible.  I also have some interesting scars scattered from head to toe.  Piercings?  ~Constantly~.  How many staples have *you* had?
24. First best friend- I think I’ve mentioned that we ate my bunny, Freckles, when I was only 5 or 6.
26. First sport you joined - Red Rover.  I was especially good at flipping kids.  Yes, of course I got in trouble…  Wonder what 25 asked me.
27. First pet- The first human outside of my family that I ever took seriously was a little boy that I used to chase around on the playground.
28. First vacation- Dad dragged us around old unmarked Indian sites for hours without any food or water, and once I even bounced out of the back of the pickup and had to run to keep up and jump back on.  Stuff like that makes better memories than a ‘vacation’.
30. First crush- Dang, now we’re missing 29.  That really bothers me.  Ok, back to first crush.  Being rather asexual, my ‘crushes’ tended more to be urgent longings to be able to fly like the eagles around where I grew up, to be able to leave my body and go see everything, like the way a camera pans up a river or over the mountains.  I eventually realized the only way I could ever chase this feeling was to beg God to promise me I could do this after this life is over.  I’m looking forward to a surge of joy when the time comes.

Currently
49. Eating- We jumped from 30 to 49…?!  Sorta takes the oomph out of ’100 things’ in the title.  I just ate a potato, a pomme de terre, as it were.
50. Drinking- Filtered water.  You missed the imported jasmine green tea by about 45 minutes.
51. Favorite color- Blue Color Meaning- Colors That Go with Blue and The Meaning of the Color Blue
52. I’m about to- notice that no numbers are missing from this group.
53. Mood- Is it possible to be moodless?  Why do I have to figure out what mood I’m in?  I think one aspie hallmark of mine is that it sometimes takes me several days to figure out what kind of mood I was in several days previously.  I believe I could get all kinds of affirmation on that one.
54. In school- More like duking it out with my school loan people.
55. Fast typer- Yeah, and it bothers the crap outa the ant that lives in the keyboard.  I have a suspicion that ants are the real despots behind the conficker worm.
56. Favorite food- I thought this was the ‘current’ group, not the ‘favorite’ group.  So I am currently eating salt-free organic blue corn chips.
57. Car- I’m not currently in my car.  It is currently being rained on.
58. Want kids- I’m enjoying my space.  Other people walking around like they owned the place (one in particular) got really old.  I really don’t want to go through another 20 years of more kids.
59. Want to get married- No one ever asks if I want to get divorced.  But I don’t.
60. Careers in mind- I just hope I’m not a Walmart greeter in another ten or twenty years.

Opposite Sex, Which Is Better.
68. Lips or eyes- I’m getting really tired of this number skipping thing.  Seven questions, *poof*, gone.  I kinda tend to notice foreheads.  Kiefer Sutherland has a nice forehead.
69. Hugs or kisses- I’ve never seen a chocolate hug.  I kinda like old peeps, when they get a little crusty and you get to crunch the sugar between your teeth.
70. Older or younger- I think the whole point to this linear thing is gathering intel, i.e. a sort of assignment wherein we learn via direct experience what certain concepts mean.  Oh, this was an opposite sex question.  Sorry, I get caught up in time questions.
72. Romantic or spontaneous- 71 spontaneously combusted, apparently.  I don’t have a romantic bone in my body, but Scott is spontaneous enough for several people.  I’m so used to it I don’t even blink any more.
73. Nice stomach or nice arms- Scott’s tummy is furry and soft.  I never thought I’d like that, but I guess getting older has special perks.
74. Sensitive or outgoing- One of Scott’s key survival strategies is not having a clue what sensitivity is.  He just simply freezes up like a rabbit in the headlights and hopes the car either screeches the brakes in time or flies around him.  It’s worked for 19 years so far.  I actually find it endearing.  I think men are savaged far too often by insensitive women.
75. Hook-up or relationship- Chickens have really interesting socio-psychological relationships.  I think humans can learn a lot from chickens.
76. Black or white? I have one of each, a black chicken and a white chicken.
77. Troublemaker or hesitant? The white chicken is the troublemaker, the black chicken is the boss.

Have you ever.
78. Kissed a stranger- I’m a germ phobe.  It’s all I can do to go through a food bar touching ladles that hundreds of other people touch before me.
79. Drank bubbles- You know, we used to dare each other to drink soap bubbles as kids…
80. Lost glasses/contacts- I donate my old glasses to mission programs who recycle them to third world countries.  I think we should all do that.
81. Ran away from home- I don’t get very far.
84. Broken someone’s heart- Left and right, I’m sure.  Parents, siblings, kids, friends, they all eventually get caught in one of my insensitive blunt rants that I have no idea hurts them personally.  It’s the aspie way.  Yes, 82 and 83 are missing.  Not my fault.
85. Been in trouble with the cops- I’ve been warned a number of times that driving on muscle relaxers and pain killers is akin to drunk driving.  The only reason I got pulled over was because I was doing 40 on a highway.  Yeah, preferable to slow down with a migraine or severe pain.  I got a ride home once from an officer, so I’ve ridden in the front seat of a police vehicle.  I know a woman who wears an opium patch and gets around on a motorcycle.
86. Turned someone down- Sometimes I’m just not in the mood to make a pie, so live with it.  Buy a candy bar or something.
87. Cried when someone died- Sometimes I laugh.  The Darwin Awards 2009 – Can anyone be so stupid?  If you die like an idiot, I’m not gonna cry.
88. Liked a friend- I’m seriously doubting the sobriety of the survey maker at this point.

Believe In.
89. Yourself- Some might see me as an egomaniac.  This is one of several blogs wherein I assume my importance on this earth is key to your survival, or at least your entertainment.
90. Miracles- They never stop.  If I’m still alive, it’s because God wants me here.  My will certainly isn’t strong enough on its own.
91. Love at first sight- Chickies in hardware stores are very hard for me to walk away from.
92. Heaven- I can’t imagine a challenge beyond what I’m already living as a human, but if heaven isn’t challenging, I’ll be *bored*.
93. Santa Claus- Imagine living a couple hundred years ago, waiting for some old guy to put a few nuts in a shoe you put outside your door. 
94. Sex on the first date- We’re probably the only species that argues about this.
95. Kiss on the first date- Scott and I bumped hands in the popcorn at the movie on the first date and were just mortified.  19 years later…
96. Angels- I think angels are overused to make money in a number of products, and I think that’s wrong.  If angels are real, then so is idolatry.
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now?  There is a person on this earth I haven’t seen in 20 years.  For some reason, that person has popped into my head all year long.  I’m not sure why, but it feels important somehow to let this person know everything’s ok, and I wish I knew *he* is ok.  Oh, and I still want a copy of that picture of me in the Planet of the Apes mask.  You know how you regret things in life?  I deeply regret that was the only copy of that picture.  Seriously.
98. More than one BF/GF at a time? Scott and I both agree we need more Scotts around here. 




99. Do you make the first move? I’m a tad aggressive.  I blame the Asperger’s.  Romance takes too long.
100. Repost as 100 truths-  This is not something I ‘believe in’.  I believe this should be reposted as per the actual number of numbers listed, but since that would take away from the surprise of finding some of them missing, I’ll just leave it like it is.  Well, the person before me used ‘things’ instead of ‘truths’ in the subject line, so there is no telling how mangled this survey is by now.  Maybe I should go through and start changing questions on the next one.