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Thursday, September 25, 2014

Crazy About You survey

Originally posted on 7-27-09.

What is your last name spelled backwards?: draziw dlo esiw 

Do you like any songs by Madonna?: La Isla Bonita, but I’m so disillusioned with Madonna that I haven’t listened to her in years.

Are you afraid of bugs?: Bugs do not belong anywhere near me.  It’s a genetic repulsion thing.

Do you like chocolate ice cream?: Chocolate has lost its magic for me.  I blame the meds.

Are you on a laptop?: I miss my pc.    It crashed.  I’m on a tiny netbook.  It sux.

Do you know anyone named Sam?: I can still hear Quantum Leap quotes in my head every time I read the name Sam.  That has no bearing on whether I like the name.  I actually don’t.  Sorry to all the Sams out there.

Who is your favorite cousin?: I don’t have a fave cousin.  Out of about 50 cousins.  Yes, it’s true, no preference.  At all.  I bet they were all holding their breaths hoping their name would show up here.  Except most of them have no clue this blog exists.  I still don’t have a fave.  I really don’t.

What are you allergic to?: It’s enough of a drag listing my allergies to every medical staffer I run into, I’m not going to do it here.  It’s impressive, though.  I’ve been told numerous times I should be wearing that special med jewelry, possibly even tattoo it on my arm or something.  Knowing me, I’d be allergic to the jewelry and the tattoo ink.

Do you eat french fries with ketchup?: I don’t eat french fries.  Imagine that.

Have you ever swam in water over 8 feet?: I’ve nearly drowned in water over 20 feet, and as I was begging a nearby kid to let me hold onto his float device and almost going under, he was saying no and paddling away…  I lunged for him and we fought all the way back to shore, where I lay gasping for a long time.  Little turd saved my life…

Do you like your mom or dad better?: I have concerns about both of them.  They are equally distanced.

Do you like fried or baked chicken better?: Boiled.  Juicier.

Orange or grape soda?: No soda.  Soda is bad.

Water or juice?: Ice tea.

Do you like the sunset?: I miss New Mexico sunsets.  I once designed beaded earrings called Tequila Sunsets.  No, I don’t sell them.

Do you think you’re special?: Particularly placed, maybe, but not necessarily special.  I could never compete enough to be special.  I like hiding in my cave.

Why or why not?: Too early for an essay here.  You don’t care, I don’t care, let’s go get something to munch and move on.

Do you remember the last time you had a happy meal?: I remember going through a phase where I was ticked there were no happy adult meals with surprises in them.

What is your crushes middle name?: Without an apostrophe, I refuse to play along.

Are you ashamed/embarrassed of the person you like?: I have never understood that phenomenon.  I could care less what other people think in the first place.

Do you like pina coloda flavored things?: NO.

How about taking walks in the rain?: Sux getting groceries into the house in a downpour.

Are you a fan of mexican food?: Let’s turn this around a bit.  I’m a fan of southwestern North American FOOD, which includes squashes and other vegetables most people wouldn’t touch with a stick.  The *original* Mexican food before industrialization and fast food restaurants, yes, very good food.  It’s not all chili rellenos and tacos.

What is your favorite show on Adult Swim?: You assume things.

Do you have dinner with your family every night?: I be the chef, that be a yes.  I be dayam fine cooker.

Peanut butter is yummy right?: Used to be.  Lost my taste for it.  Sad, but true.  Bet you’re all worried now it could happen to YOU.

Name a lame movie:: There are so many lame movies in this world, sometimes I wonder how different we’d all be if Hollywood had never been born.

Name an action packed, awesome, totally kickass movie:: Monsters, Inc.  Yes, I’m serious.

Are you hungry?: Today is Scott’s birthday.  Today I’m going to make Boston Cream Pie and a very special supper.

Do you like the movie Transformers?: I tried to sit through it, about halfway in I was grinding my teeth and raking the walls with my fingernails wondering why they abandoned actual script writing for a never ending special effects fight that did nothing but waste an incredible amount of time and brain cells.  I’m not a fan of grinding time fillers into the audience.

Why are you not gay?: Why is the rest of the world not asexual?  It’s a pretty moot question.

Have you ever been to an amusement park?: I practically have one in my back yard.

Was it amusing?: When people up and down your street all work there and act like it’s so fun and cool staying in context, all you can think about is the South Park episode where the kids take a field trip and all the characters get shot because they can’t break out of 1864 to reveal an electronic door code, which doesn’t exist in their time.  I have no patience for that kind of cuteness, either.  Just let me buy the ‘homemade’ soap and apple butter and move on.

Did you ever like the power rangers?: I suffered through others having to watch Power Rangers without fail.  I have brain scars that will never heal.

Disney Channel stars are?: In a different galaxy than me.

Do you say random things at inappropriate times?: I can’t help it, the random responses to random idiocy just happen.  Most people don’t catch it, though.

Do you you have anything locked on your cell phone?: Just my grip around it.  Kidding.  It’s a flip phone, which is a very good thing in my life.  I tend to accidentally throw it more than talk on it, and if it had open buttons I’d be in a lot of trouble because I handle all buttons rather dyslexically and would never get it unlocked.

Do you know anyone who’s name starts with an M?: I’m watching an ad about old people not being able to afford 20 prescriptions, and thanking God I’m getting off most of mine before they kill me.  I’m tired of paying for side effects that are worse than my original problems.

What is a word that you always have trouble spelling?: Lvoe.  I type that one too fast every time.

Do you look like your mom or dad more?: The older I get, the more I look like a dog we once had.  HAHAHAHAHA.  Ok, kidding.  These are boring questions.

Would you ever get an abortion?: We could change this to Would you ever become a person who removes babies?  Not that I really care, but this question seems planted.

Do you eat waffles with syrup?: I don’t think I’ve had a waffle in nearly two years.  Wow.

Would you ever give your child up for adoption?: I’m the sort that could never do that, and I raise a kid of the sort who could.  We’re in a crazy mixed up world.

Do you like spicy food?: Love it, can’t eat it.  Sadness.

Do you like salty food?: No.  Salt kills a good meal faster than anything for me.  It’s amazing how good food tastes without salt all over it.  If you can’t taste your food properly without salt, question whether something might be wrong with you.

Do you like any songs by Stevie Wonder?: I used to think I did.

Are you precious?: Diamonds start out as carbon and they grow in the dark without any attention, and suddenly they wind up riding around on humans who don’t have a clue what the real meaning is behind the symbolism they decorate themselves with.  Diamonds are a dime a dozen.  They are sold as precious.  Makes you wonder how we grade humans.

Do you wear eyeliner?: Allergic.  If I wanna keep eyelashes, I don’t worry about my vanity.

Would you name your child after you?: I very broadly avoided naming my child after ANYONE in the family.

Have you ever been to the mall alone?: You are never alone in the mall.

Did you cry when Michael Jackson died?: I groaned while I watched the earth stop rotating and the sun go dark and people kneel en masse to their decaying king.  Bigger than Christ, bigger than the Pope, bigger than Elvis, biggest memorial service in all the history of humanity, and whadayaknow, the grass is still growing.  No, I didn’t cry.  Yes, I was a fan in the 80′s.  No one has yet mentioned that Paul McCartney went out of his way not to be associated with that service, and that he was ticked at Michael for not letting him buy back some of the original Beatles stuff that they had to sell to pay off taxes.

When’s the last time you lied to your parents?: Who cares.  We’re all old, it doesn’t matter any more.

Would you star in a porno for a million dollars?: I’d rather produce a cute video of my chickens for $5.

Are your hands cold or warm at the moment?: This survey is irking me.  Starting to feel like I need to jump off the deck and see if I can fly or something.  I’ve lost the feeling in my brain, maybe a few stitches would help me get it back.

Do you ever write laugh out loud instead of lol?: Not to sound trite, but I have NEVER used ‘lol’ in any way in a response to anyone because I think it’s about the stupidest trend modern America has ever gone through.

Do you have a backyard?: For everyone reading this who don’t have back yards, yes, I do, and it’s awesome.  Owning land is AWESOME.  Own land as fast as you can before they take that right away from you.

How many bedrooms does your house have?: No one ever asks how many kitchens my house has.  I know people with more than one kitchen.  I am jealous.

Are you kind to others?: The kindest thing I do sometimes is just hide in my cave and let them walk on by, oblivious in their little worlds.

Did you ever like someone and now that you look back on it you go EWWWW?: I’m starting to do that with onion rings.

Do you have any candles in your house?: My feng shui is a tad spartan, but I think it’s economically healthy running only one tea light at a time, unless the electricity is out at 3 a.m. during a tornado warning.