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Saturday, September 6, 2014

“Have U Ever” survey

Originally posted 5-7-08.


A strange but good one (no, it's not, run while you can)
HAVE U EVER...
seen ghosts?:I'm pre-haunting my house so the next people here can be freaked out.
been abducted by aliens:I was hoping that would explain the childhood nosebleeds, but alas, no little implant in my skull.
seen a dead body:How many dead bodies have I held... Ask me if I've done autopsies.
ran into a wall?:and rebound off door frames. Good times, good times. They confirmed it wasn't a tumor.
tripped over ur own shoes?:I think it would be more spectacular to sorta go off into a dive when I do that, maybe fly dramatically into someone, but that never happens.
kissed the same sex?:Mom, daughter, sister... ??? Thou thinkest smallest, yon surveyist.
pored salt in ur cereal accidently thinking it was sugar?:I eat my cereal straight up, but I have accidentally poured juice on it.
lied for your friends?:I create awesome rumors, and if my friends kinda wind up *ahem* caught in the flux, that's just HILARIOUS!!!!! I use friends for entertainment purposes.
snuck out of the house as a kid?:Took the screen off, climbed a tree, contemplated the vast desert around me in the moonlight. My guru-ness was never appreciated.
put aluminum in the microwave?:I am afraid of microwaves. I don't even put plastic in them.
caught something on fire?:Ah, familiar ground. Yes. I would have made an excellent arsonist, except that I prefer controlled burns that clean things up.
lit a ciggerette backwards?:I have driven with a cigarette rolling around under my butt while I frantically shifted gears in 6 lane traffic.
lied about ur age?:They won't let me have senior discounts yet. I'm sure I'll be carded till I'm 70.
throw up on someone?:Wicked people who get innocent girls to drink chew spit out of pop cans deserve all the puke you can splash on them.
your better half...
do u love this person?:He has to peel me off.
could u really spend the rest of ur life with them?:I'd hate to start over at this point, you never know if the next guy will have worse gas or something. Besides, I think he likes me.
how do they make u feel?:It's so handy having someone around who can put ben gay on places you can't reach.
do you fight purposely to make them leave?:Egads, I want the insurance, I would never be so dumb.
root through their things when they are not around?:BOR-ing. But I'm letting him keep my pistol under his side of the bed. We take turns pretending to be Jack Bauer.
trust them ?:Um, I let him use my pistol...
have thoughts they would cheat?:I gasp with laughter at the thought. And he knows I do.
like their ex's?:I tried to like the hard core druggie on an alcoholic roller coaster thing, I really really did, but in the end, ok, I'm lying. She's a bitch.
good lover?:"You are here". *x marks spot* Real men don't ask directions.
do they stick up for you?:After a few years, a man instinctively realizes that going between a mom and a wife is a death warrant. Funny how long it takes that instinct to kick in.
do u feel safe with them?:I TRY.... It's really hard not to smirk sometimes, but honestly, I do feel safer than if I were to take over and blow someone's head off and wind up in jail.
do they get jealous easy?:The only guy he's ever been jealous of is Eddie Izzard.
Everything..
what 2 songs ever made u cry?:Why 2? There's a whole radio station I have to avoid.
what song describes ur life?:My *whole* life, or my life right now? I think this morning it would be I Think I'm a Clone Now.
would u ever go on american idol?:Only if Jack Bauer showed up thinking all the contestants were terrorists and I was assisting him.
what family member makes u laugh?:Beware being a family member. I laugh at all who cross my path.
who is ur best friends?:Right now I've got nails on a chalk board going over that serious plurality issue.
why are they the best?:Because someone doesn't proofread.
do u know how to subtract?:Help me, the survey creator has me trapped in a little jar...
do u have to add using ur fingers sometimes?:I am a bug trapped in a jar... hellllpppp...
have a celebritiy look-alike?:Let's pretend I look like Freddy Kruger right now.
wonder where choclate milk comes from?:I was so grossed out the first time I saw a Cadbury bunny commercial. Think about it.
why isn't animal crackers called cookies?:aauuugghhh *holding head* grammar!!!!!
scared of any kind of dolls?:I'm a big doll coming to kill the survey maker, with an evil grin on my face. >=)
afraid of the dark?:Dark matter does not frighten me. I have heard it makes up over 70% of the universe, and it hasn't eaten me yet.
ever get hit with a pickle?:I'm a little concerned that the survey maker has inspired someone to attack him with a pickle. Or her...
did O.J. simpson do it?:I think OJ hit you with the pickle, eh?
like Micheal Jackson?:I fear for you having an eye put out with a pickle.
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