| seen ghosts?: | I'm pre-haunting my house so the next people here can be freaked out. |
| been abducted by aliens: | I was hoping that would explain the childhood nosebleeds, but alas, no little implant in my skull. |
| seen a dead body: | How many dead bodies have I held... Ask me if I've done autopsies. |
| ran into a wall?: | and rebound off door frames. Good times, good times. They confirmed it wasn't a tumor. |
| tripped over ur own shoes?: | I think it would be more spectacular to sorta go off into a dive when I do that, maybe fly dramatically into someone, but that never happens. |
| kissed the same sex?: | Mom, daughter, sister... ??? Thou thinkest smallest, yon surveyist. |
| pored salt in ur cereal accidently thinking it was sugar?: | I eat my cereal straight up, but I have accidentally poured juice on it. |
| lied for your friends?: | I create awesome rumors, and if my friends kinda wind up *ahem* caught in the flux, that's just HILARIOUS!!!!! I use friends for entertainment purposes. |
| snuck out of the house as a kid?: | Took the screen off, climbed a tree, contemplated the vast desert around me in the moonlight. My guru-ness was never appreciated. |
| put aluminum in the microwave?: | I am afraid of microwaves. I don't even put plastic in them. |
| caught something on fire?: | Ah, familiar ground. Yes. I would have made an excellent arsonist, except that I prefer controlled burns that clean things up. |
| lit a ciggerette backwards?: | I have driven with a cigarette rolling around under my butt while I frantically shifted gears in 6 lane traffic. |
| lied about ur age?: | They won't let me have senior discounts yet. I'm sure I'll be carded till I'm 70. |
| throw up on someone?: | Wicked people who get innocent girls to drink chew spit out of pop cans deserve all the puke you can splash on them. |
| your better half... |
| do u love this person?: | He has to peel me off. |
| could u really spend the rest of ur life with them?: | I'd hate to start over at this point, you never know if the next guy will have worse gas or something. Besides, I think he likes me. |
| how do they make u feel?: | It's so handy having someone around who can put ben gay on places you can't reach. |
| do you fight purposely to make them leave?: | Egads, I want the insurance, I would never be so dumb. |
| root through their things when they are not around?: | BOR-ing. But I'm letting him keep my pistol under his side of the bed. We take turns pretending to be Jack Bauer. |
| trust them ?: | Um, I let him use my pistol... |
| have thoughts they would cheat?: | I gasp with laughter at the thought. And he knows I do. |
| like their ex's?: | I tried to like the hard core druggie on an alcoholic roller coaster thing, I really really did, but in the end, ok, I'm lying. She's a bitch. |
| good lover?: | "You are here". *x marks spot* Real men don't ask directions. |
| do they stick up for you?: | After a few years, a man instinctively realizes that going between a mom and a wife is a death warrant. Funny how long it takes that instinct to kick in. |
| do u feel safe with them?: | I TRY.... It's really hard not to smirk sometimes, but honestly, I do feel safer than if I were to take over and blow someone's head off and wind up in jail. |
| do they get jealous easy?: | The only guy he's ever been jealous of is Eddie Izzard. |
| Everything.. |
| what 2 songs ever made u cry?: | Why 2? There's a whole radio station I have to avoid. |
| what song describes ur life?: | My *whole* life, or my life right now? I think this morning it would be I Think I'm a Clone Now. |
| would u ever go on american idol?: | Only if Jack Bauer showed up thinking all the contestants were terrorists and I was assisting him. |
| what family member makes u laugh?: | Beware being a family member. I laugh at all who cross my path. |
| who is ur best friends?: | Right now I've got nails on a chalk board going over that serious plurality issue. |
| why are they the best?: | Because someone doesn't proofread. |
| do u know how to subtract?: | Help me, the survey creator has me trapped in a little jar... |
| do u have to add using ur fingers sometimes?: | I am a bug trapped in a jar... hellllpppp... |
| have a celebritiy look-alike?: | Let's pretend I look like Freddy Kruger right now. |
| wonder where choclate milk comes from?: | I was so grossed out the first time I saw a Cadbury bunny commercial. Think about it. |
| why isn't animal crackers called cookies?: | aauuugghhh *holding head* grammar!!!!! |
| scared of any kind of dolls?: | I'm a big doll coming to kill the survey maker, with an evil grin on my face. >=) |
| afraid of the dark?: | Dark matter does not frighten me. I have heard it makes up over 70% of the universe, and it hasn't eaten me yet. |
| ever get hit with a pickle?: | I'm a little concerned that the survey maker has inspired someone to attack him with a pickle. Or her... |
| did O.J. simpson do it?: | I think OJ hit you with the pickle, eh? |
| like Micheal Jackson?: | I fear for you having an eye put out with a pickle. |
